Feeling more comfortable

[kaleidopink]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm new to the ddlg community, but it seems like I've always been a little (or really a middle, since that actually resonates with me), based on my past actions and emotions.

 

So, I'm autistic which, for me, means that I've always been behind everyone else when it comes to milestones and such. I've yet to actually drive a car as I never obtained my license...and I'm 26, but I digress.

 

Due to past events in my childhood, rejection dysphoria as part of my ADHD, and I guess just my plain old personality, I tend to be very sensitive. People yelling or screaming at me will cause me to break down in tears, and it can be very difficult for me to be consoled. I enjoy gentleness, warm hugs and peace. Finding this community has presented me with the opportunity to reconnect with the little girl in me and just soothe her.

 

What I struggle with now is coming to terms with being a little/middle. I feel...weird. Though I don't really plan on telling just anyone, I fear being judged. For me, this is a way for me to cope. Me feeling safe and comfy is what it's all about, but I can't help but think about other people talking about how weird the community is to them, and then me feeling ashamed. The idea of feeling safe with someone, a caregiver or even a vanilla partner appeals to me, but I still feel apprehensive just letting go. I'm made to feel like a total creep, when I know for a fact I'm not. As mentioned before, this is rather a coping mechanism for me. I like feeling small and cute.

 

 

I hope this all makes sense. I've plenty to write, but I feel like I'd end up with a novel.

Edited May 24, 2021 by kaleidopink

[bbubbless]

Hiya- 

 

Since you are new to the ddlg community, I just wanted to say a hello and welcome you in here with open arms!! This is a safe space where you can be yourself and explore that side of you. Although I cannot relate to your autism nor to the events that happened in your childhood, I just wanted to say that its okay to feel scared coming new into this lifestyle and community. I personally struggled with it in the beginning as well, and was absolutely petrified with the thought of anyone finding out that I have this side to me. With that being said though, it takes some time to come to terms with it and that is absolutely alright- you have to allow yourself to give yourself that time and to explore it more. 

 

Being scared of judgement makes sense and that thought is valid! However, I hope that you remember at the same time that this is a safe space for you as you said; its a healthy and safe coping mechanism where you can be yourself and just find comfort in whatever! Some people will have a rather negative opinion on this sometimes, but those that do judge this lifestyle or community are honestly just under-informed or they do not understand the dynamics of this community well enough. It sucks at times that people say these things- but that has nothing to do with you or how you are as a person! Its harder said than done but don't let it get to you. You have found something that makes you feel safe and comfortable and that is absolutely amazing! Other people have other ways of dealing with things- and you found this and that is absolutely fine! 

 

As a reminder for yourself and for anyone else that can relate to this; being a little or middle or whatever your role is in this community- its okay; you are valid and so are your feelings! If it is something that makes you feel safe and better about yourself and its a healthy coping mechanism; heck yeah, go for it! 

 

I hope that you take your time exploring this and just know that there is a whole community here that supports you! 

 

- Bubbles 

[Pooker]

Hello kaleidopink,

 

Love.

 

Most sincere,

Pooker