Don't assume ghosting after three days

[SmolAetherr]

On 8/10/2022 at 8:13 PM, Barney048 said:

I see this topic is still trending ,so I'll add a controversial opinion. If you've been ghosted it's your fault in 90% of cases. Sure, those 10% did everything right, but the other person just turned out to have their own issues/insecurities or was simply an ass.

 

However, in most cases it's the person's own fault. You ignore the red flags that a blind person would see, and cling on to a couple redeeming qualities. You rush to build something overnight. You discuss your future together when you haven't even talked face to face yet. ....

 

It annoys me when people whine about being ghosted, because they never self-reflect, but just expect unconditional support and assign blame to the other party. 

that is the thing though, should we just absolve these people of all blame, should people who are hoping to have a relationship online for whatever reason they may have be reasonably expected to live with that over their head when something like ghosting isnt as easy irl, where you can bump into that person on the street

 

self reflect sure, but the person who ghosts is responsible for a failure to communicate as much as the person who got ghosted for giving reasons to be ghosted

 

can we be more productive here and stop assigning blame and instead all agree ghosting is a shitty thing to do, and people tempted to do it as an easy way out of having hard talks should genuinely reconsider

 

with the amount of complaints about this practice going around regardless of if its warranted or not, it can be safely assumed nobody likes doing it or having it done to them

 

i will also say as i did last timei posted here, if they dont take the effrot to leave a parting message when they ghost put them out of your mind, they didnt think of your feelings

that always helps me anyway.

[Barney048]

31 minutes ago, SmolAetherr said:

that is the thing though, should we just absolve these people of all blame, should people who are hoping to have a relationship online for whatever reason they may have be reasonably expected to live with that over their head when something like ghosting isnt as easy irl, where you can bump into that person on the street

 

self reflect sure, but the person who ghosts is responsible for a failure to communicate as much as the person who got ghosted for giving reasons to be ghosted

 

can we be more productive here and stop assigning blame and instead all agree ghosting is a shitty thing to do, and people tempted to do it as an easy way out of having hard talks should genuinely reconsider

 

with the amount of complaints about this practice going around regardless of if its warranted or not, it can be safely assumed nobody likes doing it or having it done to them

 

i will also say as i did last timei posted here, if they dont take the effrot to leave a parting message when they ghost put them out of your mind, they didnt think of your feelings

that always helps me anyway.

Dude, the line "should we absolve these people of all the blame" literally made me shiver, and not in a good way. Like is it in anyone's interest to blame another person? Those people that blame others for their poor ending are usually the most unhappy ones and they just go in circles most of their live.

But okay, you compared ghosting online and irl. Let's discuss that for a moment.

So online, when someone sees this isn't working for them, or they got what they wanted from said person, they just choose to disappear, cause it's that easy. The biggest con of it is that the person who is ghosted has no closure, and it usually eats them up from the inside.

Now let's take dating irl as an example. Let's say the same person reaches that turning point (they see this isn't working for them or they got what they wanted) . What do they do? Like you said, they won't ghost most likely, but they will still be too big of a coward to confront their partner/potential partner directly. They will act in such a destructive manner that the relationship falls appart gradually. That causes their partner's mental health to deteriorate over time and they waste a significant amount of time on them. Do they have closure? Sure. But most of the time they still blame themself for how things ended, since things were all roses and butterflies at the start, then suddenly they started being treated poorly.

So what's the lesser evil here? A ghost online or an ass irl? Does it matter? You're fucked either way.

These sort of people will always be out there, and at a certain point we have to stop blaming them and take responsibility . You know the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

 

[SmolAetherr]

3 hours ago, Barney048 said:

Dude, the line "should we absolve these people of all the blame" literally made me shiver, and not in a good way. Like is it in anyone's interest to blame another person? Those people that blame others for their poor ending are usually the most unhappy ones and they just go in circles most of their live.

 

people are always looking to assign blame, like you when you prefer to lay it on the person being ghosted, as i said the sooner we reach the consensus that its a crappy thing to do the better, we have forgotten what communication looks like and started blaming people for it it like one side is perfect and the other is at fault, your take on it made me also shiver, in the bad way... because it comes across like you want to excuse a major red flag in people which is an inability to communicate.

both parties are at fault, find me a perfect relationship and i'll call you a lier

i would also love to know what blaming one side over the other achieves because we all learn and improve each and every day no matter what we did that day.

Edited September 14, 2022 by SmolAetherr

[StraightTopDaddy]

I get ghosted all the time.

I dont have much patience with ghosting.

Like, if you talk/write to someone and she's like hot and heavy, but she doesnt get back to me the next DAY, or NIGHT, I will block her.

So many immature and inconsiderate people out there.

Sometimes,if you say one thing that they dont approve of they will ghost you. ONE little thing!

This happened to me yesterday. We seemed to get along great our first talk. She asked me a question. I answered it honestly. She didnt get back to me for a day or two. I wrote to her, What happened?

(No one on here, just someone on my chat app)

She wrote back, I suggest that you find a psychiatrist. The number is 911.

Oh, did I mention that there are so many immature people out there?

Another woman was ghosting me yesterday. (Again, not on here). Turned out that she is a pathological liar. Ever hear of these people? I hardly ever come across these people.

Oh  did I mention that there are so many inconsiderate people out there?

I seem to attract all the pervs.

THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! 🙂

[Guest Enchanted_MoonFlower]

I got ghosted not to long ago. It hurt pretty badly, because I kept wondering, "What did I do wrong?" After a few days, it didn't bother me too much. It shows immaturity when someone ghosts you, or they clearly don't know how to communicate and be honest with you that their clearly not interested in you. 

I'll still get hurt if I get ghosted in the future, but I rather the person tell me and be honest that their no longer interested so I'm not wondering what happened. Sometimes people are just not meant to be, but I think an honest answer is still better than ghosting someone in the long run. 

Than there's some who are perverts and just looking to get off and than ghost, which I end the conversation right away. I'm more than just a sex object to people. I rather have a relationship, get close to the person and get to know them, than just get off by them talking dirty to me. I rather have an emotional connection to someone, over anything else. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. 

[StraightTopDaddy]

@Enchanted_MoonFlowerI agree with you 100%. Nobody enjoys being ghosted.

No, you are not old fashioned.