Friend .VS. Acquaintance

[DaddysMonkey]

....... Hi. *waves*

 

People think they’re my friend when they are not.

Yeah , that sounds just as rude as I thought it would. Oh well.

 

As most know , I manage a vape shop. Customer service requires a friendly demeanor and face , I mean unless you don’t want to keep your job or get complaints from customers or something. I’ve been working at this place for about 4-5 years now , with that comes a lot of regular customers. People I see maybe two or three times a week or even just once a week. Because service is important to me , I try my best to be very friendly and try really fucking hard to not let my anxiety make me look or seem like an incompetent L7 weenie. When there are awkward silences or someone is new and seems intimidated , I crack jokes or ask them more personal questions that will lead into what kind of device or flavors they like / would work best for them. My view of myself is this awkward drooly monkey that’s trying really hard to fit in with all the humans , and it works well for me. Too well sometimes.

 

Because I see a lot of these people so often , and the conversations people have with me (people treat me like an actual therapist and ask for advice from what they should eat for dinner to what they should do about their divorce going on) make them feel really comfortable..... which makes me really UNcomfortable.

 

People start calling me their “friend” , when in my eyes they are just a customer / acquaintance. They know very little about me as a person or my life , but because they tell me everything about them , they assume that we are friends. It probably makes me sound like a bitch , but the friendship badge is something I don’t give away lightly. So it irritates me when these people (not just customers , customers are just a good example) run up to me and are like “OHMG HIIIIII FRIEND *tries to hug me* WERE BESTIES OMG.” Type of stuff. Customers will bring in their friends , and run up to the counter and tell their person they brought in “omg she is awesome she’s like my best friend she fixes all my stuff for me she knows everything about me HAH.”

 

-_____- Okay.... I only know everything about you because that’s all you ever talk about is yourself. Do you even know my last name ? My favorite color ? Do you know who MY best friend ACTUALLY is? Didn’t think so.

 

I don’t say any of this out loud of course , I just wear the customer service face and awkwardly laugh and go “Haaaaa... yeah I fix all your stuff.. what can I help you with?” *awkward smile*

 

 

Have you ever had anyone that’s been really overbearing and acted this way , when they don’t even know anything about you ? Sure it’s flattering , but it annoys the piss out of me. I know who you are , but that doesn’t mean I’m your friend.

 

How do you personally separate acquaintances from actual friends ? What’s the difference to you ? Do you even care ?

 

I’m not into the whole “friend collecting” thing and naming everyone as my friend. I keep titles like that close to my heart , so I’m curious how others feel about it.

 

Thanks to anyone that takes the time to reply.

[BabyPineapple]

I worked in retail management for 14 years, so I saw my fair share of overly-friendly customers (did you ever wake up wishing that a customer would come in and tell you about how she had a full hysterotomy and caught her bf cheating and confronted him while they were having sex? No? Well because I've had a customer tell me all that!).

 

As an introvert, with my "real" friends, I am often ok not having contact for months or even years. One of my "best friends" I only exchange texts with maybe twice a year. But if someone asks me to list my best friends, she would be at the top. I just require very little maintenance as a friend. I'm sure to others, most of my friendships will appear like acquaintances to them.

 

I'm definitely a "smile a bare it" kind of person. So if someone comes up to me being overly friendly I'll just give them my polite customer service smile and hope for it to be over soon. I'm generally not great at setting boundaries, and I think this is part of it as well.

[Little kaiya]

It's a conversation I've actually had a lit if times to be honest. I have less than 10 friends because to me the word friend is on the level of "help me move this body no questions asked". My friends are people i would drop everything for in a second if they called.

 

Acquaintances are fun to hang out with for different things but don't have that same connection in my mind. A lot of work colleagues use the word friend and I'm like . . . Hmmmmm.

 

They may just seem like two words but the meaning and difference is very important to me.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

I think people use the term loosely out of convenience or perhaps it's a testament to how few people will actually take the time to listen to them in their personal life. That's kind of sad, but I'm just speculating.

 

I'm the same -- "friend" isn't a title I give out lightly either. It completely loses its meaning when you do that. If that makes me a bitch too, then so be it. I think many people's definition of "friend" qualifies as "acquaintance" in my book. I could share personal details about myself with someone (and vise versa) and still not consider that person close or a friend just for the simple fact that I'm often allergic to surface level conversation, so sometimes I just go there. 

 

I'm also quite baffled by people who literally ignore me for years on end and then brag about how we've been friends for x amount of years as if it's some kind of accomplishment. Like, reality check: if you're not even in tune enough with me to know we have completely different definitions of that word, then we're not close. I think some people's definition of the word "friend" must be very superficial. I also just assume I'll get ghosted by those people since that's happened. I think some people are skittish when it comes to any sign of conflict, but a friendship or relationship is only as strong as the team's ability to resolve conflict, in my opinion. /tangent

 

Also, as a side rant, I'm wary of people who love bomb the shit out of me from the start because they often wind up ghosting/ditching me in the end. I wish I could tell those people to slow down, there's so much more time for me to disappoint them lol. I also wish people would be more in tune/honest with themselves but maybe that's asking too much. I think my standards are too high sometimes even though I'm also very understanding in other regards. I get that everyone says things in a moment of elation or if they like making someone feel good with words, it just doesn't feel so good later when they realize they bit off more than they could chew or something. Like at least buy me dinner first if you insist on kissing my ass from the get-go lol. I'm fine if ass kissing is authentic (because of course it's flattering), I'm just skeptical about it and I can't help but assume most people's version of it has nothing to do with the other person and has more to do with being liked. 

 

Anyways, back to the question: I guess a person is a "friend" in my book when the feeling is mutual where you both genuinely really like each other and are on the same wavelength. When there's a shared, intimate bond there. 

 

I'm not into friend collecting either. A person can only keep up with so many people at one time (on an intimate level) anyway. For me, it's quality over quantity. I guess to me, an acquaintance is someone I'm friendly with, but not necessarily someone I consider to be a kindred spirit like I would a friend.

[Guest Hero_Yuri]

Bruh, I get this damn shit all the time and just gonna avoid all the details on that mess.

The differences to me are extreme, even though it is simply a few things. Any details on the care part by chance?

As for being able to separate them, honestly not that hard at all. Usually the basics of what is my name, level of trust with each other, how well do you know that person, how comfy are you with them, basic things, gonna save time again on advanced stuff and yee. *waves* I hope you are doing great monkey and everyone else of course.