New relationship struggles

[Princess-P]

I was just wondering if any one has ever struggled with keeping their Daddy/Mommy/little side in check when entering a new relationship?

 

I've just started seeing someone new and having been in the lifestyle for many years I know better then to rush into anything. I know DDlg is such a strong bond based on so much communication and trust that I'm absolutely not ready to jump into the dynamic with this person yet. However I'm struggling with my inner little. This person is so naturally a Daddy my little just wants to squeal and bounce all over him. He calls me princes, cooks for me, pets me, spoiles me with little things like my favorite sweets. He's even seen my colouring and praised me for it and when we go to bed doesn't say a word about the stuffie smooshed between us.

 

I'm not sure he even knows about the lifestyle, the things he does are just so clearly a part of who he is. I'm not shy about talking about my little side, or about bringing up the topic of DDlg, I'm just not ready to do so yet.

 

If anyone else has delt with this situation how did you handle it? How were you able to keep your natural instincts in check until the time was right?

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

You may want to begin by actually talking to him? You are both still adults. Asking us won't help. You need to talk to HIM.

[Princess-P]

I'm not ready to talk to him yet, its only been a month. Talking about it isn't the problem. We aren't at that stage in the relationship yet, I don't plan to have that conversation with anyone until I know they are going to stick around a while (or that I even want them to lol).

 

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had to struggle against their natural instinct to Daddy/Mommy/little because they weren't ready to enter the dynamic with a new partner yet.

 

Its like my adult brain is saying "be smart, get to know him more, how do you actually feel?" And my little brain is "Daddy,Daddy,Daddy,DADDYYYYYY!!!".

[OhioDaddy76]

Sounds like your brain is on the right path. I think as a daddy it is much easier to live in that space on the sly. Most women like to be fawned over and praised. Let me take that a step further... PEOPLE like to be attended to and made to feel special. Just that a patriarchal society creates space for most men to be in a caregiver space. Being little takes that a step further, really. It's the little space that truly breaks the societal norms, I think. Sure, a daddy might be looked at as a bit of a pedophile perv under the right (wrong) circumstance but not just for calling his romantic interest princess and bringing her some of her favorite ice cream!

 

Anyway, I think it is safe and sane to take any relationship slowly whether it's vanilla or something else. that said I have no helpful hints on how to control your urges other than to say anyone so capable of thinking this through, and asking the right questions as you have, will make good decisions in the end.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

So what if you realise you really like him, want to progress the relationship, eventually talk to him then he tells you he isn't even slightly interested in being your daddy?

[Princess-P]

I suppose if, when the time comes to have the adult conversation about the DDlg dynamic,he's not interested in being Daddy or fulfilling that roll I'll have to make my own decision on if I'm ok with that. I know better then to force it. But I'm also very good at nurturing my little self on my own. That will all have to be discussed with him when the time is right. Were still early in a relationship. Dating really, still getting to know one another.

 

For now I'm just trying to calm the little voice. It's a struggle I've never delt with. 7 years with a Daddy and since then no one else I've "dated" has caused this sort of reaction.

[Princess-P]

Shoot, posted too soon....

 

OhioDaddy your right I think its much easier for a Daddy to let his natural instinct show. Everyone loves to feel special and even a little spoiled lol.

 

Thank you both for taking time to respond

[OhioDaddy76]

I wish you the best of luck, P! It could be that you never need to define the situation and you could just enjoy it. You could color and explain it helps you to unwind. I've dated people who love arts and crafts and it wouldn't weird me out to know that someone likes to draw or be creative. You can snuggle, be excited, watch cartoons (also something I've done lots without thinking twice) etc and have stuffies (a third thing I've seen over and over without being creeped out) without really being suspicious. So if your needs are met, then I'm not even sure why giving it a name would be important.

 

That's really meant to be more rhetorical than anything. Just musing out loud.

[Princess-P]

That's absolutely right. There's no reason for me to worry about putting a name on it. As it stands he's already witnissed many if my little qualities and doesn't seem to think any of it is odd.

 

I plan to wait a while before I have any sort of talk with him. The talk I feel will just open up new possibilities, but no we don't need a label. For now I just have to keep myself from squealing "Daddyyyyyyy!!!" In public every time I see something cute/exciting/yummy.... Lol my little is very exprecive and easily excited.

[OhioDaddy76]

Maybe you just need a different nickname? Couples have cute nicknames in vanilla relationships. Pookie bear? Punkin? Dude? Lol?

[Princess-P]

Haha yes I may try some funny pet names just to take the edge off while still being able to entertain my little side.

 

I'm hoping that things will continue to progress and as we get to know each other better the right time will come to have a talk about Daddy's and littles and whatnot and we will see where that goes. And for now I'll try not to get way too over excited when something he does triggers my inner little and makes me want to go full blown 4 year old lol.

[OhioDaddy76]

Sounds like he's going with the flow pretty well. I hope you have good luck when the time is right!

[Princess-P]

Thanks

 

And thank you for responding

[Guest LexiGremlin]

Hey P.

 

Well, I usually tend to be very open about my role in bdsm and the Lifestyle. To the point where one of my coworkers I'm close to has dubbed me "Lil Freaky". But from experience, I would say tell him now rather than later. Because I've met a lot of people who are not into the dynamic or the Community in general and will go running at the first mention. I feel like I'd rather let them know from the get-go instead of getting attached and getting hurt.

[OhioDaddy76]

Lexi certainly offers an interesting perspective. I think you have to ask whether it is more important to love the feel of the relationship, in which case I don't think you need the label or maybe even the agreed upon understanding about being in a DDLG relationship; or is it important to have the label? I would think that if the relationships are fleeting or short term, then it's important to throw all the requirements out there. If you get one night with someone you need to get all the requirements out there. If you plan on spending months and months with someone you have the luxury to let things grow and develop organically. I'm just not sure that you need to start with all of your laundry aired if you can be happy with life the way it presents itself.

 

Let us know how it's going!

[Princess-P]

I agree with not just letting everything out right away. I may be little but I'm also a responsible adult with more things to worry about then who I'm calling Daddy.

 

My relationship is progressing the way any vanilla relationship would (well maybe I wouldn't call it "vanilla", but I won't go into detail with that lol). If, when the time comes that I feel ready to introduce him to my full blown little side and explain my DDlg needs,he isn't interested then we will have to communicate how to deal with that. Maybe I'll have to set some "me time" aside to nurture my little without him. But of course my priority would be establishing a relationship without the labels first.

 

Things are going great so far, were slowly introducing each other to friends and family, we both have kids who were not involving right away in case of attachment. We have a age gap of 16 years that some people feel is odd. I'm used to it and I'm looking to see how he handles it when people question him but so far so good .

 

I want to make sure were both comfortable with each other and or relationship before I start introducing things under the DDlg dynamic that I enjoy like set rules and rewards/punishments and age regression among other things.

 

I've actually given the pet names a go and called him a few really ridiculous ones when my little has been triggered. Its working lol. I usually get an eye roll and a laugh out of him because he thinks I'm foolish and funny. Sometimes a butt swat which is kinda perfect lol.

[Guest LexiGremlin]

Sounds great then! Maybe for you, slow is the way to go. But it sounds like you're in a great relationship and he sounds like a great guy.

 

I think it's preference though. Because when I was looking for a submissive/pet/slave as a Mistress, I was very open about what I was. Because I don't just play around with bdsm in the bedroom, it is a Lifestyle for me.

 

T [my MD/girlfriend] was open about being a MD before we got together as well. I feel like if you put what your needs are out there right away, it eliminates the potential heartbreak. But I guess it's preference.

[Princess-P]

It is preference of course. Mine just happens to be to wait, though the purpose of my original post was that I'm struggling with that this time around.

 

I think that if my little needs were only in the bedroom I would be more likely to talk about it right away. I'm very open about what I need sexually. Its the everyday little life that I'm keeping to myself for now. I don't feel like heart break is the outcome if he doesn't find interest in my lifestyle. If we build a solid relationship labels are not going to be the end of us. We are after all adults and if we want to be together we will make it work.

 

I appreciate all the responses on this its always helpful to see how other people think or deal with similar issues.