Dealing with shame?

[♡ マリィ ♡]

Lately, I've been feeling weird about being little/mid... It's something I slip into easily with my friends and BF around, they all know and understand me, but recently I wonder if I'm just... abnormal...

 

Being small, having a daddy and being in littlespace helps - it helps a LOT - but the feelings of inadequacy I have as an adult because I need to do it have been bothering me recently... does anyone else feel infantilized in the wrong way? I use DDLG to cope with trauma/in tandem with therapy (and sexually sometimes ofc) but my Daddy does everything - EVERYTHING - for me.

 

I've never really been taken care of like this in my life and I'm not sure how to explain that while it makes me feel so loved I also feel so stupid because I need so much help and attention and I more or less get anything I ever ask for (literally) and I can't get used to it. I feel like a spoiled pet, and it makes me feel guilty that he's so giving to me... I'm terrible at receiving gifts, especially when they're for me when I'm small.

 

I guess it's just a mood whiplash thing, if I think about it...? I go to work and I'm in charge of large projects and illustrations and I get so much respect and people think I'm so well adjusted, but I worry inwardly that none of them would like me if they knew I liked (and needed) to be a little girl/teenager in my spare time. I guess I just wish I could cope without it? Is that an uncommon sentiment?

 

Whenever I bring these feelings up to Daddy it hurts him and I feel terrible because he's my whole world and I don't ever want him to think he's not perfect for me or that I don't enjoy what we have. I don't know how to explain (language barrier) that it's not him, it's my self-loathing about being small because I feel pathetic when I don't need to be comforted by it... I also worry that he'll get tired of being a Daddy or resent me for getting him into something 'weird'...

 

How do I make these feelings stop, or can I have some encouragement about being little...?

 

I want to accept this, and myself, but I don't know how...

 

English is not my first language, I'm sorry. Thank you for listening if you did read this, it means a lot. ♡

 

- Rey

[DaddyDomination]

Having doubts isn't abnormal. In My travels of the world I've not really seen much in the way of so called normal anyway. 

 

I think the only real thing you need to learn or accept is this: Are you happier as a little with a Daddy, than you were before / without? 

 

Best wishes on your Adventures. 

[littlekami]

Sometimes I feel sort of embarrassed and ashamed (and some other emotions) about myself wanting/needing to be in little space too. It feels much better when I'm around people that understand me and make it clear with their words and actions that they want to spend time with me when I'm in little space. I know that my feelings can get hurt easily in that head space so I'm extra careful. 

 

I think that the topic and concept of little space is a bit abnormal - even if people have actually been doing it for a long time. Explaining my love of video games, cartoons and cute things is easy, there are lots of people that don't identify as a little that enjoy that stuff too (as well as littles who don't!). 

Explaining actual little space isn't always a comfortable topic though. That's okay. I agree with the first comment, that what's most important is whether you're happier as a little with a Daddy than you were before/without. don't worry about public opinion in your private relationships! 

 

I think it's normal to feel guilty when accepting attention and gifts and stuff. I feel that way too. If you're with someone you're comfortable with though and they expressed they enjoy it and they want to take care of you, it's okay to just relax and enjoy it! 
Something that has soothed my feelings like that in the past is making crafts to give as gifts while in little space, even if they aren't good by my standards, my partner(s) have really enjoyed receiving them and expressed feeling very loved. 

Edited April 4, 2021 by littlekami

[Alaskan Daddy]

thank you for sharing so much. There is nothing wrong with any of the feelings you are going through. It sounds like you are dependent on your daddy emotionally at times and it also sounds like he is more than willing to give you the support and love you need and desire. That is what being a daddy is all about. At the same time I also understand how you feel pathetic about needing and desiring the care he gives you. It is hard for all of us to not feel strong enough to care for all of our own business. I also feel that having those feelings about not being strong enough is a good first step to becoming a stronger person outside of your workplace. 

As a daddy I always wanted to give my little the care she needed but also at the same time help her find the strength and confidence that is inside of her to become the person she wants to be.

I did that with my last little and the care she needed and desired evolved into something different from when our relationship began. When the relationship started she was an insecure emotional wreck who needed her daddy to pick her up and give her lots of emotional care and love to get her through the rest of the day. 

When the relationship ended she was full of self confidence and emotional security. Even though it hurt to have her end the relationship, she told me that my love and care saved her life. I knew then that all the time and energy and love and care I gave her was worth the heart ache I felt.

My point is that your relationship with your daddy can slowly change from what it is now to something that makes you feel less pathetic. It is up to you and your daddy to help you figure that out.

I hope my words help you in some way

[DaddysMonkey]

~ I guess it's just a mood whiplash thing, if I think about it...? I go to work and I'm in charge of large projects and illustrations and I get so much respect and people think I'm so well adjusted, but I worry inwardly that none of them would like me if they knew I liked (and needed) to be a little girl/teenager in my spare time. I guess I just wish I could cope without it? Is that an uncommon sentiment? ~

 

Hi. *waves*

 

I think the feeling is more common than you might think depending on who you ask. A good amount of us suffer in silence so you’d never know unless we spoke up about how we feel.

I personally resonate with this , a lot. I don’t really care what others think about me being a middle or in the DDlg lifestyle. A fuck ton of people at my work , co workers and customers know what and who I am.

My problem is myself. I think those things about myself , and often wish I could cope without. I’ve tried to cope without.

 

Being in a leadership position at work is something that gives me great joy and fulfillment , but the emotional whiplash is real. I’m a very fluid person and being middle is engraved in my soul , so it slips out when I don’t mean for it to at work. Perfect example is my best friend and coworker Tanner.

When I have to be stern with him or tell him what to do , if he playfully gives me an attitude there are times when my middle teenager ish attitude will come to the forefront. (Embarrassing imo) and I’ll yell at him like a teen sister would to her brother. He can tell when my voice fluctuates and what it means , and hell say something like “wow someone needs a nap.”

While I’m at work , this makes me die inside. Typically I would be like wow cute tanner notices something for once... but being at work it makes me feel .... like a fool ? It’s hard for me to understand why the boys that work for me do what I tell them and respect me so much when ... they know how I am ? What I am ?

 

It can be very frustrating at times , separating feelings of shame , confusion , having something so good you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

 

As for your partner , I would obviously tell him how you feel. You seem like a very well spoken person even in English for it not being your first language. You articulated very well in my opinion what you’re feeling. I think your partner knows how smart you are , and I would imagine he loves your drive and intellect. I have found myself in your place , wondering why someone was even with me or if they would get tired eventually. I think everyone has those worries even in vanilla relations.

 

I would just take it , run with it , and stay blessed. A lot of people try so hard to find a supportive partner like yourself (of course we only know what you share so I’m not putting him on a pedestal or anything) Even if it’s really confusing at times , and you doubt yourself , and want to run away from being littles sometimes.... just remember it makes you who you are if it’s really at your core. I’ve tried to run away from it many times... and here I am.

 

I feel like I rambled a lot.. but I hope you can find some peace with this. Having those conflicting feelings isn’t fun at all just know you’re not alone and people out there care.

Edited April 6, 2021 by DaddysMonkey