Community Shrinking?

[Tex]

Hi all,

 

I realize I am pretty new to the forums here, but please bear with me.

 

Does anyone else feel that the community in general seems to be shrinking? I took a year break after my last little and coming back to things now, it seems like there just aren't as many people active in DD/lg or CG/l as there used to be. Even kik groups just seem to be pretty inactive and I've noticed there seem to be fewer blogs still posting on the subject. I love that there are these forums and they seem like a great place, but I guess it's a little disappointing compared to a few years ago.

 

Maybe I'm just out of touch. Does it seem like this is the case to anyone else?

[SmolAetherr]

could well be that the communities have moved around i doudt that many people would leave the community in the span of a year there is also the reality that people are just burned out and under pressure these days with the coof so its lower down on the list of things that get attention

[Pupperoo]

First, I think a lot of the Kik groups have moved to Discord the past year. Since so many people have been stuck at home so much, many people have picked up the habit of spending time on their PC which means Discord is by far a more logical place to hang out.

Second, I don't think the community is shrinking. In my opinion the community has always been splintered since each and every page and forum have their own way of doing things and not everyone agree with every set of rules. It's one of those communities where being moderated can be very taxing and even detrimental. Add to that the fact that these pages and websites are relatively hard to find and they aren't too keen on advertising themselves since places that talk about CG/l and ABDL has a tendency to be shut down by judgmental assholes. 

Third, and last I suppose, is that the concept of DD/lg, littlespace and so on has become quite popular in medias such as Youtube and Twitter. Everyone and their mother (or mommy, ehehe :3) that lacks a sense of identity is flocking to it, and that also means predators are catching onto their opportunities, which in turn is scaring away the ones that understand the community and dynamic. Those that are here for the flavor of the month will be easy prey to the creeps, but even though they eat up a lot of the attention by the bad people there's still plenty of messages and manipulation happening. It's easier to just retreat for some time and hope it passes so that we can eventually be on places like this without having to worry about being approached by people asking us how we like to be dominated or tell us to dominate them. This is just speculation and conjecture, of course, but it's my take on it.

Edited March 30, 2021 by Pupperoo

[Daxter]

Covid-19 and Lockdowns have affected all of us. From personal reasons to just overall stress, it seems people have been focusing on other aspects of their lives besides DD/LG / littlespace communities.

 

As Pupperoo has brilliantly said, a lot of KIK groups have also moved to Discord, Twitter and other platforms or just paused the burden that moderating a community can lead to. There isn't a lack of people or communities, it's just not the most people's priorities right now is to focus on that side of themselves or communities.

[DollDirector]

the site still alive, you could also see that, as a bit of a miracle.

maybe a sort of maturity has been reached. I have known it for five years (is there such a thing as granddaddy, now ?!) and, yes, at the moment it seems more quiet than at other times but these were "founding" times when debates had to take place on things like what the difference was between role play and ddlg, etc. 

[Pupperoo]

To add onto what those after me said, I also think that a lot of the topics happening on this website lately are mainly by new people that are trying to find their place in the community and find themselves in general. There is a disturbing lack of social stuff happening over all, at least from what I've seen during the periods I've been active. I can imagine that most people that are already established either have groups (Kik/Discord e.t.c) where they feel comfortable, or they are like a lot of subs/littles that don't really reach out much. We're a community that's notoriously introverted after all, haha So taking this into consideration along with what has already been said in this thread, there are plenty of reasons as to why the website feels empty and the community as a whole feels like it's shrinking.

Chin up though, we'll get there when acceptance grows in society as with all things. After all, once a CG/l, always a CG/l, even if your approach changes ♥

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Already been touched on but, more and more forums are moving to Discord. On another forum I used to frequent, I got like, three invitations to three different Discord groups on there from people who were done posting on the forum. People were slowly but surely migrating to Discord there. Same with gaming/guild forums. Discord groups aren't really my cup of tea but, I can see why people prefer Discord. It's like setting up your own individual group/guild. You can choose who to invite. It has threads like a forum + instant messaging. It has an easy to use interface. Anyone can start a group on there. I guess forums like these will eventually become obsolete.

Edited March 30, 2021 by Teasing Tink

[SmolAetherr]

Already been touched on but, more and more forums are moving to Discord. On another forum I used to frequent, I got like, three invitations to three different Discord groups on there from people who were done posting on the forum. People were slowly but surely migrating to Discord there. Same with gaming/guild forums. Discord groups aren't really my cup of tea but, I can see why people prefer Discord. It's like setting up your own individual group/guild. You can choose who to invite. It has threads like a forum + instant messaging. It has an easy to use interface. Anyone can start a group on there. I guess forums like these will eventually become obsolete.

 

i highly doubt discord will do that in all honesty if social media couldn't discord wont

[Lollipox]

I think people just get a bit bored, or the people who used to enjoy being active get put off by trolls and drama magnets.

There was a boom when Melanie Martinez was at her peak, and again when Tumblr closed its doors to kink etc.

 

 I have made a small group of friends and they're all great, so compared to having to deal with this I prefer to just hide out on discord with them. But I'm also a quiet person who prefers to just hangout with other nice quiet people who don't make me wanna tear my eyes out.

 

I think additionally the saturation meant that some people just didn't wanna associate with the Community as much anymore. Once you've had enough bad experiences, it puts a sour taste in your mouth and you don't really wanna subject yourself to whatever it is anymore.

[DaddysMonkey]

Hi Tex , *waves*

 

As someone that’s been in the lifestyle for a long time , and been on the site for a good while I felt like I could weigh in.

 

I personally don’t think the community is shrinking. I think the people who were just around for sexual kinks , to hook up , here because they couldn’t find anywhere else to go , people who found this life because it’s was / is a fad .... have been dissolving. So that leaves you with a smaller pool of people who are here with pure intentions. That’s just the lifestyle in general.

 

As for the site , a lot of people come and go here. Delete profiles , make a new one months later. Members have bad break ups and leave forever , have friendships that go south or people feel hurt and betrayed by others so it scares them off to other sites or platforms. As great as this forum *can be* at times , it’s under regulated in my opinion. There are a few people like myself , who have been hurt by nasty people. I’ve taken a long break before , and it’s not because I “quit” the lifestyle. I was just tired of making an effort to build a friendly community when I constantly felt shit on , and had people I thought were my friends hurt me. People will always have a multitude of reasons for leaving sites , but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve left the lifestyle behind. I’ve recently come back this last year and don’t really care about making friends anymore. I care about making people use their brains , coming up with interesting topics and building commonality between strangers that might’ve never spoken before if it weren’t for a thread I posted. If someone wants to be my friend here I just tread lightly , but it doesn’t stop me from being active anymore. Some people won’t be that strong as I stated , and will just leave completely or go to another forum / platform.

 

As I mentioned , DDLG CGL was a fad , and still is a fad right now. I’m a firm believer that you can’t be a little if you JUST turned 18 , live at home with no bills or adult responsibilities don’t pay taxes or bills ect. You’re still a kid in my eyes. Sure they might regress , but a lot of these fresh 18-20 year olds have no idea what they’re even getting into when they look for DDlg sites. Because of apps like TikTok , a lot of people link DDlg to sugar babies and daddies now. With them constantly being tied together , there’s a plethora of girls that say “I’m a little” , but what they really mean is “I want your money I’m cute give it to me.” TikTok , YouTube , Snapchat , the internet in general is full of information. People want to fit in (like when everyone was scene and emo back in my day) and if dressing like a little and whining on TikTok is in , people will do it for views and likes.

 

I digress , the people who are here because it’s true to their core being will always be around whether or not it’s online. The people that are here because it’s a fad and something to do , will fade.

 

My advice is to find a small group of solid friends , and stick by them. It’s better to have a small circle anyways instead of a massive amount of “friends” who don’t even know your favorite color

 

Edited to add because my Monkey brain completely skipped over it :

 

With a lot of these fresh youngins jumping into a lifestyle they learned about on TikTok and other horrible unreliable sources , they get hurt and used. I’ve seen so many posts of younger people saying things like “is my daddy abusing me ? He screams at me ect” (other things of that nature as well) Jumping into something like DDlg which is extremely deep completely uneducated, while you’re still emotionally immature , have done no research on red flags or taught yourself about boundaries and limits.... these young people get hurt. And then write off the lifestyle completely and think all Dominants are assholes because of their one interaction.

Edited March 31, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[Pupperoo]

With a lot of these fresh youngins jumping into a lifestyle they learned about on TikTok and other horrible unreliable sources , they get hurt and used. I’ve seen so many posts of younger people saying things like “is my daddy abusing me ? He screams at me ect” (other things of that nature as well) Jumping into something like DDlg which is extremely deep completely uneducated, while you’re still emotionally immature , have done no research on red flags or taught yourself about boundaries and limits.... these young people get hurt. And then write off the lifestyle completely and think all Dominants are assholes because of their one interaction.

I mean, isn't that what these forums are for though? Not just community building but also to find help and understanding. This is a far better place to ''educate'' yourself than random blogs, Tumblr's, instagram and whatever else you may have. So yes, a lot of people are going to come on here and ask stuff regarding abuse or show red flags regarding their relationships without knowing better, and they will get hurt if we, the educated and experienced portion of the community, don't step in and try to help. 

 

As I mentioned , DDLG CGL was a fad , and still is a fad right now. I’m a firm believer that you can’t be a little if you JUST turned 18 , live at home with no bills or adult responsibilities don’t pay taxes or bills ect. You’re still a kid in my eyes. Sure they might regress , but a lot of these fresh 18-20 year olds have no idea what they’re even getting into when they look for DDlg sites. Because of apps like TikTok , a lot of people link DDlg to sugar babies and daddies now. With them constantly being tied together , there’s a plethora of girls that say “I’m a little” , but what they really mean is “I want your money I’m cute give it to me.” TikTok , YouTube , Snapchat , the internet in general is full of information. People want to fit in (like when everyone was scene and emo back in my day) and if dressing like a little and whining on TikTok is in , people will do it for views and likes.

You have a point in that some people may be too young or immature to fully grasp what a BDSM dynamic generally is. I've helped several between 18-20 in the past to get a better perspective on it, so I definitely understand where you're coming from. But saying it's a fad isn't fair! Those people are drawn to this because it's something that speaks to them, and that is without regards to their age or emotional maturity. There are those that come into the community with the best of intentions, hoping to learn and be a part of it and sadly I see a lot of the more experienced people write them off as ''temporary'' simply because of their young age or their lack of understanding. It's that attitude that let's the bad people get to them before those of us that can give genuine advice and help prevent bad things from happening, because the bad people don't give a flying fuck whether or not the person is educated in the concept yet. In fact, they thrive on the naive and uneducated. So I feel like we as a community need to stop looking at age as a means to measure someone's worth here, and just help and be equally judgmental (or equally not) towards everyone. Because trust me, there are plenty of new littles that's 40+ that has just as much emotional maturity when it comes to stuff like this as a 19 year old fresh out of high school. But the biggest difference there is the life experience, and the young'uns both need to learn for themselves by experiencing good and bad, but they also need guidance from those with that life experience. 

 

Also, to address the whole ''they call themselves little to get a sugar daddy and to get attention'' part of that last quote: I don't think it's as big of a portion of the people coming here as you think. I really wish there'd be less generalizing when it comes to our fellow littles or bigs within the community.

[DaddysMonkey]

-I mean, isn't that what these forums are for though? Not just community building but also to find help and understanding. This is a far better place to ''educate'' yourself than random blogs, Tumblr's, instagram and whatever else you may have. So yes, a lot of people are going to come on here and ask stuff regarding abuse or show red flags regarding their relationships without knowing better, and they will get hurt if we, the educated and experienced portion of the community, don't step in and try to help. -

 

I feel as though you may have very much misunderstood what I am saying , so I am going to clarify. Of course people should / could / can offer help. I am by no means saying people shouldn’t come to forums for advice , especially for advice about abuse. I’ll be the first to offer help when someone is being abused as I have been there. I am simply saying this is a causation. This is the type of thing that makes the size of the community fluctuate, among many other things. People come uneducated, get hurt , and leave the lifestyle forever and think it’s all bad. This is quite simply just a reason the community *looks* like it is shrinking.

 

- Also, to address the whole ''they call themselves little to get a sugar daddy and to get attention'' part of that last quote: I don't think it's as big of a portion of the people coming here as you think. I really wish there'd be less generalizing when it comes to our fellow littles or bigs within the community. -

 

I am not solely talking about this forum. I’ve told people that have no idea about Bdsm , DDlg , or whatever else that I am a little. 7/10 times they say “so you want a sugar daddy.” Because of social media , the two become synonymous for a lot of people who don’t understand and don’t *want* to educate themselves. Which in turn , makes people shy away from us because of the social media that portrays littles and money hungry and unable to monetarily provide for themselves. Another reason for a seemingly shrinking community. (Again , I don’t believe the core community is fading.)

 

- But saying it's a fad isn't fair! Those people are drawn to this because it's something that speaks to them, and that is without regards to their age or emotional maturity. -

 

A lot of things are fads , unfortunately. Whether people want to believe it or not. For example , I have loved anime since I was a kid. Guess what ? Now everyone and their mother buys anime clothes from malls because it’s “in” and hip to have anime aesthetic clothes and makes you “cool” now. It’s a fad for the time being with a group of people. Does this mean it’s a fad for me as well ? Absolutely not. Because fads are subjective. There will be die hard people who stick around a particular lifestyle , aesthetic, clothing brand until they take their last breath. It isn’t a fad for them , but to the people who hop in the band wagon for short periods to fit in .. for them it is a fad.

 

 

But alas , these are all just humble opinions and observations of a monkey. I appreciate your thoughts and feedback. And I hope the OP gets some sort of answer or clarification.

Edited March 31, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[Guest Teasing Tink]

i highly doubt discord will do that in all honesty if social media couldn't discord wont

 

I know places like Facebook have groups and such but in my opinion, it's hard to compete with Discord because the interface and features it offers are superior. I actually prefer forums over Discord because Discord is more so in real time (especially if you have a bunch of chatty people) so it can be harder to keep up with everything or jump in at your leisure (depending on the group). Anyway, this was just my opinion based on my observations and you're welcome to disagree with it.

[SmolAetherr]

I know places like Facebook have groups and such but in my opinion, it's hard to compete with Discord because the interface and features it offers are superior. I actually prefer forums over Discord because Discord is more so in real time (especially if you have a bunch of chatty people) so it can be harder to keep up with everything or jump in at your leisure (depending on the group). Anyway, this was just my opinion based on my observations and you're welcome to disagree with it.

 

 

i do fully agree, there is a certain casual nature to most forums that allows people to come in and follow along easier its one of the reasons i prefer to hang out on this website over joining a ddlg discord and sitting there not to mention the history i have and friends i have met here

Edited March 31, 2021 by Aetherr

[Pupperoo]

A lot of things are fads , unfortunately. Whether people want to believe it or not. For example , I have loved anime since I was a kid. Guess what ? Now everyone and their mother buys anime clothes from malls because it’s “in” and hip to have anime aesthetic clothes and makes you “cool” now. It’s a fad for the time being with a group of people. Does this mean it’s a fad for me as well ? Absolutely not. Because fads are subjective. There will be die hard people who stick around a particular lifestyle , aesthetic, clothing brand until they take their last breath. It isn’t a fad for them , but to the people who hop in the band wagon for short periods to fit in .. for them it is a fad.

Yes, there are lots of fads. But DD/lg or CG/l isn't a fad. Neither is BDSM, or Anime. Popularity growing doesn't mean whatever it is has become a fad. Eating tidepods was a fad, so was the ice bucket challenge and all those dances they do on Tik Tok. A lifestyle with a big group of people living it will never be a fad even if it has a sudden burst in popularity. People watching anime and appreciating it isn't a fad either; the growth that scene has seen over the past couple of years are directly related to openmindedness in society growing and mainstream media making stuff like that cool (heck, even the Marvel movies contribute to making stuff like Anime more popular). Anything with a consistent base of practitioners that has been ongoing for a long time across the world can never, and will never, be a fad.

 

''An intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived; a craze'' - That's the definition from the Oxford Dictionary. Intensity and duration of said ''fad'' is what makes it a ''fad''. Claiming that CG/l is a fad just because it has gotten more social media attention is quite insulting to be honest, as we've been around for a long time and while our love for the lifestyle can be quite intense this is our life, not just something we like at the moment.

 

I am not solely talking about this forum. I’ve told people that have no idea about Bdsm , DDlg , or whatever else that I am a little. 7/10 times they say “so you want a sugar daddy.” Because of social media , the two become synonymous for a lot of people who don’t understand and don’t *want* to educate themselves. Which in turn , makes people shy away from us because of the social media that portrays littles and money hungry and unable to monetarily provide for themselves. Another reason for a seemingly shrinking community. (Again , I don’t believe the core community is fading.)

 

Honestly, I haven't experienced that whatsoever. Whatever I have seen in social media about the lifestyle has been damaging, sure, but not once have I been told or accused of being money hungry or gold digging. In fact, I've never heard another little friend of mine say they've had that experience either. Despite the fragileness of littles, we're surprisingly resilient and we speak up when people put us in bad light. So honestly, that '7/10 times' experience you're mentioning is, in my eyes, a very personal anecdote and doesn't reflect the situation as a whole. I am sorry you have to deal with that but I seriously doubt it reflects on everyone. Just to clarify though, my side is very anecdotal as well, and I can very well be wrong. 

 

I feel as though you may have very much misunderstood what I am saying , so I am going to clarify. Of course people should / could / can offer help. I am by no means saying people shouldn’t come to forums for advice , especially for advice about abuse. I’ll be the first to offer help when someone is being abused as I have been there. I am simply saying this is a causation. This is the type of thing that makes the size of the community fluctuate, among many other things. People come uneducated, get hurt , and leave the lifestyle forever and think it’s all bad. This is quite simply just a reason the community *looks* like it is shrinking.

 

I didn't misunderstand. I am saying that what you're claiming to be a causation of a seemingly ''shrinking'' community is something that has always been there and always will be. It's as much a constant as the lifestyle itself. People turning others away because of age or having decided for them that they are not good enough for a community is a real cause for a shrinking community, although as I originally stated in this thread I think the community is just splintered now and not so much shrunk.

 

Also, after a very rudimentary google search I'll say right now that it's easier to find information that helps new practitioners avoiding the bad experiences than it is to find this forum and other platforms I'm aware of. So in general I can only assume (yes, assume) that the amount of people that come into the community, get hurt and leave are quite few if you look at it on a grander scale.