General Advice for New Daddies

[LeanBlaster]

Just please, i ask this with all my heart... dont be competitive, you are a caregiver, you want the best to your little, dont make it a competicion and be all " i am the best daddy", if you say that 99% is the chance that you are not even close, because there is no best daddy, as long you are doing your best and not be toxic, you are a good daddy!

[cgaria]

so i need some advice. The girl i'm in a thing with is a little (which i'm totally fine with and i'm down to be a caregiver) but (and this is nothing against anyone who does obviously) i'm not sure if i would also want to have sex if im being her caregiver, cus i'm so new to this and it feels kinda weird. can anyone help me out?

[Guest JoeDom]

how do i delete this haha?

Edited October 6, 2020 by JoeDom

[Guest Malloc]

Good word Littlest Bunny. Responsibility. 

"I am responsible for that smile. I caused her to find it again. She is so worth it."

 

In the first scenario, the DD did his responsibility. Halfheartedly with an eye on what he got out of it.

 

In the second scenario, the DD was responsible for helping the Little find her happiness again. Make no mistake, No one can make anyone else happy, but we sure can be a Cause, be responsible, for helping the Little find herself again.

 .

I absolutely love this post. I’ve been struggling to voice my thoughts to my little on the whole relational dynamic as I saw DD/LG and this post explained it so eloquently.

 

Thank you for taking the time and effort to pen such a well thought out and relevant explanation!

[Guest Daddydesistyle1]

Well there has been so much said by so many senior Daddy’s on this subject that I don’t have much left to say but still here are my thoughts. Really important in place of being a DADDY why not to be a buddy. Respect each other your little should be your proud and she should think same for you. Your littles mental health is really important same as her sexual and emotional. Don’t just use her as a object and same goes for the little don’t use your daddy to hide your issues and excuses. Littles be brave speak up (there is a difference between being rude and putting foot down and speaking up). Little please take time to listen to the body language of your daddy take notes, and follow on his likes and dislikes.

[Guest Daddy_Jeremy]

I found this when I was researching to be a better daddy and thought it might come in handy for others to use as a basis for getting to know prospective littles better...especially what they want in their Ideal caregiver (Q19). Haven't had the chance to use it myself at this time, but would love to know what others think.

NSFW https://www.deviantart.com/ddlg-princess/art/40-Questions-For-a-Little-CGL-706995277

[Guest Daddy_Jeremy]

Also I believe that Trust, Respect and Communication are all important.

Your little has to be able to trust that you have their best interests at heart and will love, care for and trust them...and never do anything intentionally (mistakes can be made..we are all human...and should be discussed) to hurt them, you must respect them as a person in general and even more as 'your' little, since their health and happiness is your responsibility (and they respect you as their caregiver/daddy) and you both must be able to communicate openly and honestly about your wants, needs, desires, fears, dreams and any problems that you may be experiencing (especially important for the little so daddy/cg can help the little work through them...or take the little for more specialized help if dealing with depression, etc)

Edited November 26, 2020 by JerryAUS

[Lilly_Rose2266]

I'm new to this all, I got in to this lifestyle for one of my friends and even though I've read up on it, I don't know what I'm doing, some advice would be extremely helpful

[Gungnir47]

Hi all, I'm incredibly new to this lifestyle. I recently reconnected with someone I knew a decade ago and she introduced me to it. We seem to work together very well in our Daddy/Kitten roles and she has hinted very strongly that she will accept a collar if I offer it. I have been doing as much reading as possible to be a good daddy for her, but I am at a loss as far as collaring goes. Is there a certain etiquette I should be aware of when presenting her a collar? She does modeling, so my idea is to schedule us a Daddy/Kitten shoot and present it to her during the shoot. Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Gungnir47]

so i need some advice. The girl i'm in a thing with is a little (which i'm totally fine with and i'm down to be a caregiver) but (and this is nothing against anyone who does obviously) i'm not sure if i would also want to have sex if im being her caregiver, cus i'm so new to this and it feels kinda weird. can anyone help me out?

I'm incredibly new to this as well. But from a personal standpoint, you will either be into it or you won't. The caregiver relationship doesn't have to always be sexual. Might i suggest you try starting off just as a compassionate caregiver and take care of your little in daily activities, then see where it leads from there?

[DaddyDomination]

I would want my little one to be my best friend as well as my little.

Well said. I find it so much more Intense when time can be sent together just reading, going for walks. Enjoying even the most common daily events together. 

[Blue Love]

If you want to get to know a little better so it develops into a formal relationship. The number one thing you should not do is to act right off the bat like a dom. No, don't do that, it's so disrespectful, you have no idea. They aren't only littles, they are people, and you have no right to try and take control of them before even asking for their name. Be creative, find common interests, be funny, find out more about them to see if you are even compatible. Talk, talk, talk and be respectful.

[Guest BubblesLovesDisney]

If you want to get to know a little better so it develops into a formal relationship. The number one thing you should not do is to act right off the bat like a dom. No, don't do that, it's so disrespectful, you have no idea. They aren't only littles, they are people, and you have no right to try and take control of them before even asking for their name. Be creative, find common interests, be funny, find out more about them to see if you are even compatible. Talk, talk, talk and be respectful.

This couldn't be more true. So often you hear horror stories of "daddies" trying to take control before building any kind of foundations to a relationship. Nobody wins in this situation.

 

The only way to know if the relationship is going to work is by talking, talking and talking some more. Not rushing something or being disrespectful

[DaddyWolf90210]

My baby girl is such a little brat, and its one of the many things I find adorable about her. She is also a gentle and needy soul. She makes my heart melt with those big brown eyes of hers, I can never find the strength to punish her properly for her actions. I don't want to hurt her too bad. I admit, i am a huge pushover for my baby girl.

How can I change this?

[BabyPineapple]

My baby girl is such a little brat, and its one of the many things I find adorable about her. She is also a gentle and needy soul. She makes my heart melt with those big brown eyes of hers, I can never find the strength to punish her properly for her actions. I don't want to hurt her too bad. I admit, i am a huge pushover for my baby girl.

How can I change this?

There's really nothing wrong in not being into punishments. You might hear it referred to as "soft dom" or "soft Daddy". The only reason to change is if the relationship does not feel fulfilling as it is.

 

If you'd like, you could also look into "funishments".

[PapaGrayWolf]

I'm no Daddy but please, please, if you're a new Daddy, don't pretend you know it all just because you read up on it...

 

I've seen too many of those 

I have been a Daddy Dom for over 30 years and I very much don't know it all.  You are spot on Elle.

[kittybunny_]

I agree. What those sentences say to me are, "Hey I'm looking for a horny little girl I can use to my liking and I actually know nothing about the intricacies of ddlg."

wow... so bad.... good luck!

[Anonymouslittlemouse]

Umm so I’m really new here but I need help. I’m not a caregiver/ daddy, I’m a little bit my bf and I talked about it and I want him to be my daddy. Idk how to explain it to him and Idk how to tell him what I want and need as a little. If someone can like help us especially if you’re a daddy that would be very kind of you. And yeahh thank you guys

[hikaru-nii]

I’ve been doing my homework recently! Something that’s helped me is getting out some paper and a pen and writing down some questions to answer:

 

What do I want to provide in this dynamic?

> how much day-to-day structure do you want to build for your little? are you going to make chore charts? habit trackers? meal plans for your LDR bitties?

> how much interest is centered around sexytime? is it a bedroom dynamic to you or do you want to be a full time caregiver?

> write down some ideas for things you want to do with your little or future little! do you want playdates to arcades and amusement parks? do you want quiet days curled up on the couch? how interested are you in video and voice calls, in playing games together online or in persin, in handwritten letters?

 

What type of big am I?

> what’s your caregiving style? are you calm and patient? strict and diligent? do you demand orders or do you let your bitty have free reign? give yourself a list of adjectives!

 

What am I looking for?

>just as much as you should reflect on what you want to give, you should think about what you want to get! Do you have a certain type of little in mind? Bratty, obedient, kitten, etc? What draws you about that?

>what do you value? hard work? honesty? growth? what do you want to help your little achieve?

 

self reflection is important for everyone, but especially for first time bigs! these questions are also good for your little, so if you’re both new to this, writing down your answers and sharing them is a good way to build communication and help each other understand what exactly it is you want from this dynamic!

[DaddiRick]

I consider myself still a new Daddy three months into our DDlg relationship.  I am still looking for advice regarding how to be the best daddy I can be.  My little has made it clear to me that she needs me to be in control of her, to make the important decisions and allow her to be the little girl.  She is a professional woman that works very hard, is successful at what she does, and has all of the typical professional stress in her life that so many of us do.  So when we are together I am able to step up and take control.

 

The dynamic is very powerful, and new to me.  I was in a BDSM relationship many years ago, but a more typical D/s type relationship.  My little is very sexual (I'm not complaining), enjoys being spanked and is starting to enjoy being bound during a scene. She loves taking me into her mouth and she is always asking me to cum on her.  She recently has encouraged me to slap her and choke her while we are having sex.  I'm okay with this, but some of this in new kink for me.  I want to help her find her "little" space and allow her to enjoy her submissive nature.  So I am putting it out there to others in this lifestyle; any advice as to how to keep my little girl in her "little" subspace?  We have a contract in place, have established our hard and soft limits and have safe words.  

[Mr. Bear 02]

Hi im a new daddy and im really struggling with all of this stuff i mean i know how to start but I struggle on keeping up and i dont know how to be a good daddy. Can i get some helpful tips please?

[kitanaiNeko]

i’m assuming you have a little, so i’d recommend asking them what actions they prefer. closeness and intimacy is a big part of my daddy/little relationships and finding out what they like is part of that intimacy. here’s what i enjoy as a little;

* cutesy names

* playing with stuffed toys

* doodling

* cute crafts

* being driven places for fun

* drinks/snacks w small packaging

* watching cartoons

* early 2000s music

* soft/pastel clothes/environment

* being helped/instructed

* baby voice/vocabulary

* tickling/wiggling toes

* being praised for completing tasks

hope that helps

[Erasmeus71]

On 3/4/2015 at 9:18 AM, PeppermintBatty said:

I might suggest for any new daddy/little relationship that the daddy make the little specifically write out what they're interested in from the relationship. Not that you have to fine-line a contract, but it can be important to make the services you and your little are interested in very apparent. I went through a lot of bad parent types and my daddy helped me realize that I had no idea what I wanted from that sort of relationship. I just "wanted a daddy/mommy" so bad. If you write out what you want, both parties can agree on what their comfortable providing to each other.

 

Just an exercise that could be helpful, in my opinion.

Also rules initialed. Kind of like the contract so both sides agree. . I know I would not want to end up in slammer for abuse or rape.

[littlefae]

My advice?

One thing you need to understand is that every little is different, every daddy is different, EVERY dynamic is different. Yes there are some trends and commonalities but both parties are individuals, not just fantasies that plug in wherever.

With any relationship, think of it as something you’re building together. Perhaps you take the lead in building the fantasy/play aspect or perhaps your little takes the lead. Either way the idea is to find what’s comfortable and consensual for both of you. No one should feel forced on either end. You both are exploring limits and boundaries but at the same time you’ll need to be communicating your boundaries so both people are on the same page. Be direct, but kind, and make sure to always ask if it’s a good time for deeper conversations for the best results. 

If something is bothering you, speak up. As a daddy your job is to be a safe space for your little. Yes, your little is a safe space for you, but daddies are in the caretaking role, so in most dynamics you being a trust worthy and emotionally stable individual within the dynamic is crucial (mandatory really). That also means you should negotiate for your needs as well. Perhaps you want to vent to your little or receive some caretaking outside of the dynamic, that’s perfectly fine. But speak up. Don’t assume anything.

One thing I feel the need to stress to new daddies is that most littles tend to become VERY attached to their caregivers as that’s the nature of the dynamic. (of course some littles prefer less serious things but that’s what I’ve seen as being the primary kind of relationship that happens). I also notice that daddies get VERY attached and protective of their littles. These relationships don’t tend to work well if there are different expectations about the level of commitment. Daddies can get their feelings hurt just like a little can as well. So the key is to know yourself and what you want so you don’t have to waste time or collect trauma by being involved in situations that don’t benefit you.

so all in all, COMMUNICATE! And be open to that communication. Do not try to stifle communication or sweep anything under the rug. And don’t people-please to resolve a conflict. Once communication starts to degrade, the relationship quickly follows! So be honest and direct and kind and don’t accept anything less in return.

Edited March 27, 2023 by littlefae

[Daddy4Princess]

The importance of communication can never be understated.  I had a relationship with a little end recently (it was a cordial parting, but hurt so, so badly) and one of the hurdles she had to deal with in our relationship was bottling up her feelings instead of expressing them to me in the moment.  She was so used to being treated badly that she kinda just...expected me to not care about her thoughts and feelings because no one else had before.  This lead to several instances where there was a misunderstanding that would have been easily resolved had we discussed it, but it became more because she bottled up her feelings and wouldn't speak up for herself, she just stewed on it and stewed on it.

And another piece of advice for everyone, caregivers and littles both, know your worth.  Don't stay in a bad situation because you don't think you deserve better (or worse yet, because the other person has gaslit you into thinking you don't deserve better).  Everyone deserves to be treated with (at the very least) respect and common courtesy.  If there are red flags in your relationship, things that make you uncomfortable or worse, heed them.  Bring them up to your partner.  Their reaction to your concerns will most likely offer even more insight to whether or not you should be looking for the door.

Caregivers, find things that make your little squee with delight, and do them.  Over and over again.  Personally, there is nothing more wonderful than seeing my little basking in her little-ness, the butterfly out of her cocoon and spreading her wings.  I took my little stuffy shopping, and let her take her time, pick up each one in turn, hold them, squeeze them, figure out which one she really wanted.  As we were leaving with her two new stuffies ("Daddy can I get two?" *puppy dog eyes*  AHHHHH MY WEAKNESS!) she thanked me for giving her a genuine experience that was all for her.  And I thanked her right back, because she had given me so many Daddy feels I felt like I was walking on air.  And don't even get me started on helping her dress and tying her shoes for her,  Daddy feels galore!