How to deal with being angry at your little

[TheGreatJBOW]

Hi everyone,

 

I am relatively new to being a daddy to my little, also my wife. I am looking for advice from others on what to do when you are genuinely angry at your little. I don't want to start yelling and have a blow out fight that kills trust but I know when I'm pissed I can open the flood gates of hell. I don't want to just walk out and make her feel abandoned when she knows I'm angry and needs my reassurance. Any suggestions or advice to get the bit of time I need to calm down without creating abandonment or bad little fears?

 

 

[SmolAetherr]

i get the feeling you don't want to go into why you are angry at your wife, what i will say then is i think you need to sit your wife down and have a serious talk about your needing space to figure things out, you can't stop or mitigate her fears or insecurity thats for her to manage at least in this case i found that reassurance and open and calm communication about how you feel and where your head is at may well be the best way to do this, and the most important thing

 

leave bdsm out of it, this is two adults and a marriage, this is the only way you are going to get the understanding and acceptance from her that you need to go on your journey to calm down and work out next steps for whatever you are going through

 

start by saying this 

 

"i love you but for now can we leave bdsm out of it because i need to talk to my wife and its very important"

Edited March 20, 2021 by Aetherr

[Accountable Daddy]

From what's posted, there's a lot to break down.

First off, when you say angry at your little, do you mean you're genuinely angry when she acts as a little or you're angry at her in general and are just calling her your little? Assuming the prior, that's something you need to stop and sit down to discuss. Especially knowing the idea of brats and all is common in DDlg (a little that purposeful causes trouble to get a rise out of her Daddy), that might be an aspect that you'll want to agree isn't going to fly for you.

Second, I'm not sure why you're mad, but it sounds like you've got serious anger issues by how you're presenting it. As a man, you need to control your emotions. You might want to look at what's going on in your life that's leading you to feel like you have so little control in your life (which is a very common source for why men can get angry easily). That isn't at all DDlg related and you need some self-reflection on this. You should check out Jordan Peterson's work, such as his lectures available for free on Youtube or the countless channels that provide clips of key points he makes. There's a reason a lot of young men have taken a keen interest in his work and have sought to better themselves through his insights in human nature.

Honestly it sounds like you need to set this DDlg thing to the side for now and work out some deeper issues going on. Some people will turn to things like BDSM to try to make up for issues in their relationship, but it's turning a blind eye to what's really going on. It's wonderful you're recognizing that this is an issue you have and you don't want it to go badly. Take that idea and move forward with it, breaking down exactly what things are eating at you. You'll feel a lot better when you figure these issues out and, with any luck, fix them.

[Guest BubblesLovesDisney]

In my opinion, handling being angry at your little should be no real different than in a normal vanilla relationship. It's unhealthy to as you say "open the flood gates" even though it's also natural to want to and human nature. So my advice would be the same advice you'd get for any relationship.

 

First of all, ground yourself. If something has upset you or angered you, don't open your mouth until you've got yourself into a calmer state of mind. It might sound counterproductive as naturally you want to address the issue that has caused the negative emotion as soon as possible but it's worth the wait. A few deep breathes might be enough, if not find grounding techniques online that work for you, get you out of your head and into a calmer state. There's a lot of resources online that give examples of grounding and breathing techniques and how to use them effectively. It's different for everyone but I find that using the 3-4-5 breathing exercise whilst using mindfulness and become aware of my surroundings help for me. But as I say it's different for everyone.

 

Next, think about what you want to say. Again it sounds silly and it might feel like you know exactly what you want to say, but it may be worth spending another few moments just thinking over it. Ask yourself if you're being fair, what you want addressed, how it makes you feel, how you can address it without raising your voice or arguing, what is the outcome you want from addressing it. Doing this may help you stay calmer when addressing any issues.

 

If you think you need to remove yourself from the situation or room to do this then just simply explain that. You can still be reassuring by telling your wife that you love her but you need a few minutes to compose yourself and then there's something you wish to discuss outside of BDSM and DDLG.

 

Finally talk to your wife/little. If they're in littlespace but you feel the need to address it immediately then it's okay to calmly ask them to discuss the issue with you. Even if that means bringing them out of little space. Use language such as "I" rather than "You". Discuss what you've thought about using the I language. Expect them to have their own, potentially differing opionion and be respectful of that. if you feel the anger escalating again then it's okay to excuse yourself and repeat.

 

It's not easy to do this but it is by far the healthiest way and may help maintain trust in the relationship.

 

If this post was actually more intended to bring up any issues you have with anger, it may be worth seeking counselling or find resources online as to how to manage anger better. A little research can go a long way and there are great self helo CBT resources that can really help identify any negative thinking patterns and help address and manage these whilst also helping develop skills to change these.

Edited March 20, 2021 by BubblesLovesDisney