Need Advice

[Benji50]

Hello. So to kind of jump straight to the point me and the girl im talking to both switch between dom and sub but she definitely leans to the Sub side more. But i constantly go into little space and don't want her to force herself to be Dom if she isn't comfortable doing that. But im craving Dom attention and i was wondering if there are any common Dom triggers i should know about that might be able to help push her towards a Dom headspace?  

[MissPattch]

Hi Benji

 

You say you are both switchy, but the girl you are talking to is more subbish and you are craving more Dom from her. If Dominance isn't her natural preference, pushing her or trying to manipulate her into this role isn't the right thing to do. You will end up feeling like she is only doing it because you made her, and that won't satisfy your need to submit and it might also cause her resentment in that she feels pushed to be something she isn't.

 

  A conversation is needed before anything else about boundaries and expectations. If you feel you aren't getting what you need from this partner without having to try and manipulate the situation or dyamic, then maybe this isn't the right one for you. BDSM  / kink relationships should have a natural chemistry, like any other relationship. You wouldn't force your vanilla partner to like your hobby, so the same should apply to not forcing your kinky partner to take part in your kinks. 

 

Talk to her and explain how you are feeling, and if she is willing, great! If not, then maybe you need to keep looking until you find the right one <3

[Vampiress]

I 100% agree with every MissPattch said. The only thing I'd add is that you shouldn't be forcing yourself into Dom space if you're not in the mood for it. Just like you shouldn't push her, she shouldn't push you, nor should you make yourself. You both should only be in the space you're comfortable with in the moment, otherwise it will start to seem unfair really quick and create resentment.

[Benji50]

  A conversation is needed before anything else about boundaries and expectations.

 

I'm very bad at confronting the issue and starting a conversation about it. Any pointers on how i might be able to bring it up? 

[MissPattch]

I'm very bad at confronting the issue and starting a conversation about it. Any pointers on how i might be able to bring it up? 

 

Well, firstly, take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and needs. I know its a little cliche, but " I " statements are great for this. I feel, I think, I would like, that sort of thing. 

 

Choose a time when neither of you are in a headspace, and if that isn't easy, try to schedule a mutual time to sit and talk. Its a really important process, and as a rule, should be one of the first things you do before you even think of starting to play with dynamics and stuff.

 

If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, maybe you could write her a letter or an email explaining how you feel?  And tell her its something you'd like to talk about but you feel unsure how to approach it. Open communication is key, and yeah, sometimes its hard to be up front, but it will make it easier in the long run for you both <3