TW grooming rant

[Ally May]

I'm just going to dive straight into this

I was groomed and sexually abused by a family member as far back as I can remember. When he died, I discovered the online world and started speaking to older men who then took advantage of me and subsequently groomed me as well. This kept on going until I was 19, when the older married man who groomed me, told me I grew too old and dumped me.

I am now 23 and in my first ever real life relationship with someone 3 years younger than me. He is very vanilla. I am quite certain that my past experiences have shaped my sexual needs and I don't feel fulfilled in this relationship.

After cleaning out my hard drive recently, I found an old photo of said older married man. God I fucking miss him? The situation I was in? I'm not sure what I miss but there is a deep yearning to go find him. And since finding the photo, I just cannot get myself to feel any sort of sexual desire for my boyfriend. I don't even know where to begin with how I'm going to move past this. Any,,, ideas I guess??¿?

[AsleepAndDreaming]

I used to know someone who had suffered like you have. Because she'd spent her whole life being abused by men who can hardly justify themselves as human beings, she believed that her role in life was to be used, and she was grateful when someone did that, she'd attach herself on to them and thought that being treated in this way was a sign of love. She didn't know any different and believed all men were this way - because her father had died when she was a young child, she didn't have anything "normal" to compare it to. 

 

If you spent 4 years being groomed and abused by this man, it's hardly surprising that you miss him, especially if you don't currently feel fulfilled. You probably miss the security and safety that you were under the misapprehension he could provide. The problem is that, if he literally got rid of you because you were too old, he's not going to have you back now you're even older. 

 

I do have one suggestion but you may not like it. Counselling. Proper professional specific counselling to address the emotions and experiences of your childhood. While I can't guarantee success, I also can't think of anything else, because the wounds must run so deep. 

 

Whatever you choose, good luck. It will never be a question of getting over it, more about how you cope with it and manage it on a day-to-day basis. 

[Vampiress]

I have been sexually abused as well and counseling/therapy is a must. You need to get help sorting through all of this because that's not healthy. This sounds akin to Stockholm syndrome to me: it occurs when hostages or abuse victims bond with their captors or abusers. It sounds like you became used to such treatment that it's what you expect and feel like you need and identify with that even if it's wrong. There's nothing wrong with DD/lg and stuff like that but missing an abuser is an issue and you really need help unpacking all of that and figuring it out before you get yourself into more dangerous situations.

[Ally May]

Thank you for the replies!! I've been in speaking therapies for 6 years now exactly for these reasons. They have definitely been helpful! I guess I just wasn't prepared for the memories to resurface at this magnitude. But thank you again ❣️

[Vampiress]

Thank you for the replies!! I've been in speaking therapies for 6 years now exactly for these reasons. They have definitely been helpful! I guess I just wasn't prepared for the memories to resurface at this magnitude. But thank you again ❣️

 

Glad you've been going, perhaps your therapist can help you through this thing that has popped. I just worry and hope that it won't lead you to anymore bad situations. You deserve to be treated well and with so much love.