DDLG relationship gone downhill

[LittleKitty781]

I met my current boyfriend and daddy on here and this past near we seem to fight every day and it’s been starting to feel like a chore to be in this relationship and any time I think I need to leave and wish to leave he either starts being super nice like when I first met him or says he’ll just kill himself then. I feel miserable all the time now and we always fight over stupid shit like I hate when he throws in my face that he’s the one that works and makes the money for us. A little context is that I’m currently in university and will be finishing up my degree this summer, I wish more than anything to be working and feeling like I’m contributing but I can’t with my studies and he was even the one that convinced me to go to school I was debating it and he convinced me it was a good idea and I don’t regret going it’ll help in the long run. We always fight when I ask him to help out around the house and he gets annoyed that he has to get off his video games or has to do anything, sometimes I swear I’m not the little in the relationship cuz I’m the one that has to do ALL the adult stuff and on the off chance that he actually does help he will use that to throw in my face. I miss the beginning of our relationship and wish it would just go back to the way it was. I just don’t know what to do anymore I love him but at the same time I’m always sad.

[SmolAetherr]

what you are seeing now is most likely who he is when he feels safe, he stopped putting in effort

 

i am sorry you are struggling do you have an escape plan?

[Guest lace_thigh_highs]

Hello,

 

First of all, I'm so sorry to see that you're struggling like this.

It seems to me that you're trying to open healthy communication and it ends in fighting. I hate to suggest breaking up, but this really isn't a positive relationship- especially if you can't voice your concerns in the first place. 

Is there anything you can think of that is causing him to react this way? 

I was with a partner previously who threatened suicide when I tried to leave them. It's almost impossible to go through, but please try to remember that you are not responsible for his actions. If you feel as though you have the right means to leave him, I highly recommend that you do. It sounds like this sweetness that keeps you tethered to him may fade. 

 

Please feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to. 

[SmolAetherr]

Hello,

 

First of all, I'm so sorry to see that you're struggling like this.

It seems to me that you're trying to open healthy communication and it ends in fighting. I hate to suggest breaking up, but this really isn't a positive relationship- especially if you can't voice your concerns in the first place. 

Is there anything you can think of that is causing him to react this way? 

I was with a partner previously who threatened suicide when I tried to leave them. It's almost impossible to go through, but please try to remember that you are not responsible for his actions. If you feel as though you have the right means to leave him, I highly recommend that you do. It sounds like this sweetness that keeps you tethered to him may fade. 

 

Please feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to. 

 

 

aye that type of blackmail is hard to fight back against.. because by the time a person uses it they have taken all of your self esteem and confidence to the point where you will feel responsible, 

the reality is nobody is responsible for the action of others, and if this person were to do something as silly then it is their issue to work out.

 

Lace has the right of it. anyone who thinks it is okay to use a form of blackmail like that neither deserves you or believes themselves that they do deserve you, it is on its own an act of desperation they know they are losing and instead of putting in the effort to be the better person or letting you move on they employ more psychological torture

Edited March 13, 2021 by Aetherr

[Guest UnicornPuff]

Honey, I’m sorry but your relationship sounds like it has run it’s course. Your situation sounds like the end of my last one. If you let this continue it will get more unhealthy.

[Guest Hero_Yuri]

Time to drop all that drama.

[DaddyDomination]

His threats of self harm would be more than enough reason for Me to leave, if I was in your position. Someone like that doesn't need to be in any relationship, they needs to be in therapy. 

[Vampiress]

Sounds like he's manipulative and gaslighting you, and when you try to talk to him about it he isn't open to criticism or working on things. I don't know if it's financially safe for you to leave him and I understand if that's what's holding you back but if you have a way out I'd start planning to do that. You're not responsible for any self harm on his part, if he's even serious. It's a common manipulation tactic unfortunately. Sounds like you're more his maid than his partner. What you need is a partner who will understand that sometimes you need help just like you'd help him when he needs it. Some people greatly undervalue housework but it's often a thankless task that can be very exhausting. Contributing to keeping the home in order is VERY valuable and I hate when people treat it like it's nothing just because they're making money and you're not. You don't owe it to him at all. As others said before, he's showing you who he really is.

[LittleKitty781]

I sat him down and had a real talk about everything and he apologized for saying that he wants to kill himself and that he shouldn’t be doing that and he opened up about his depression (which I did know about) he wants to go see a doctor as he’s been feeling like his meds just aren’t working anymore and that he wants to make it work and understands if I need some time to myself and if I want to go says he will let me and that he won’t do anything stupid. He also helped with all the things I’ve asked him do over the last week without me asking him too again he surprised me with all it done after I got up from having a little nap. He’s asked if I’d be willing to give him another chance but has said if I need to move out for a while he understands and is willing to work with me. I want to believe that he really wants to make this work but I’m scared it’ll be short lived.

[Vampiress]

I do hope that however things go, whether you work it out or not, that he really means what he says and will try to handle this in a more healthy way. He really does sound like he needs to see a professional, but if you are sticking around make sure he actually goes. If he doesn't, then it's just lip service to manipulate you yet again. Accountability is going to be everything here on whether that works out or not.

[daddymind]

With chores and daily duties I think it's better when there's an agreement on who takes ownership of what. If only one partner works, then it's not unreasonable that the stay home partner would offer to do more around the house. But again this has to be expressly agreed upon so there is no throwing of anything in anyone's face.

 

Divide things up between you as fairly as you can. Start with how much free time each of you has outside of work/study/personal time and go from there. The person with the most free time will be available to do more around the house and should probably offer more.

 

This is a partnership and, while I don't necessary think every relationship has to be 50/50 equal to work (I'm happy to do 100% of the house work for example because I enjoy the service role), it helps to have consistency with each partner knowing their duties around the home. It puts each of your minds at ease knowing those duties WILL be taken care of. And once it's agreed, stick to it without complaint. If it needs changing later, make another agreement.

 

I know it's difficult if you're a submissive little and you don't want to be making rules for daddy or confiscating his video games lol but frankly it sounds like that's what he needs sometimes! Much easier if he helps in creating those rules.

[LittleKitty781]

That’s how it’s been is we both agreed on things he starts the laundry and I’ll transfer to the dryer cuz it’s a top load and it hurts his back to bend like that to get it out and I agreed to do the hand dishes cuz he can’t stand the feeling of stuff in the water and he’s supposed to hang up all the laundry as I hate doing it and he does the sweeping cuz it hurts my back as we don’t have a vacuum. It just got to the point where I ended up doing everything even though we sorta had a agreement, he would also always make me feel bad when I’d forget to do something that he asked me to do, it’s not cuz I don’t want to do it its cuz I have a very bad memory and if a list isn’t written or texted to me I forget and I’ve always been like that, but he has stopped doing it when I told him it was bothering me he was just picking fun but I didn’t take it that way, now I know when he says things like “ my little forgetful baby” he doesn’t mean it mean but just teasing it really had to do with the tone of his voice so he’s made a effort to come across as more “jokey” cuz he does tend to be pretty mon toned.

[SmolAetherr]

That’s how it’s been is we both agreed on things he starts the laundry and I’ll transfer to the dryer cuz it’s a top load and it hurts his back to bend like that to get it out and I agreed to do the hand dishes cuz he can’t stand the feeling of stuff in the water and he’s supposed to hang up all the laundry as I hate doing it and he does the sweeping cuz it hurts my back as we don’t have a vacuum. It just got to the point where I ended up doing everything even though we sorta had a agreement, he would also always make me feel bad when I’d forget to do something that he asked me to do, it’s not cuz I don’t want to do it its cuz I have a very bad memory and if a list isn’t written or texted to me I forget and I’ve always been like that, but he has stopped doing it when I told him it was bothering me he was just picking fun but I didn’t take it that way, now I know when he says things like “ my little forgetful baby” he doesn’t mean it mean but just teasing it really had to do with the tone of his voice so he’s made a effort to come across as more “jokey” cuz he does tend to be pretty mon toned.

Good luck with the future!

 

I would say that making a habit of accepting abuse like that will only burt you in the long run but ultimately its your choice

[Guest Teasing Tink]

If he sometimes threatens to kill himself whenever you suggest leaving, he could have Borderline Personality Disorder which is characterized by an *intense* (not normal) fear of abandonment and rejection (perceived or otherwise). I think they tend to be more fragile to criticism because of this. Suicidal threats or suicidal ideation is usually apart of it/symptom. They tend to see things in a warped, black and white way when triggered, and don't realize that until the smoke has cleared. They often have a temper (externally or internally). A relationship with someone with BPD is often tumultuous. It can often feel like walking on eggshells. They carry a lot of shame too after seeing the damage their behavior has caused after an episode. Learning good coping mechanisms helps. It often goes misdiagnosed in men too as Bipolar or whatever else because it's seen as a women's mental illness. I don't know if he has it, is actually suicidal or if this was a one time thing though. I'm just throwing it out there.

 

It's possible he felt unappreciated by you if you think the housework is all the adult stuff and him providing isn't. Of course both are equally valuable contributions. It sounds like he went on the defense after you got onto him about it. Which isn't an excuse, it's just what a lot of people tend to do when they *feel* stressed/nagged/unappreciated whether that's actually the case or not. Most of it (like 90%) has to do with tone as you said.

 

Anyway, I'm glad y'all made up cuz it always sucks when things end on a sour note. Even if you decide to move on from him in the future. I guess we'll see how things go and I hope he finds the healing/help he needs too.

Edited March 14, 2021 by Teasing Tink

[LittleKitty781]

If he sometimes threatens to kill himself whenever you suggest leaving, he could have Borderline Personality Disorder which is characterized by an *intense* (not normal) fear of abandonment and rejection (perceived or otherwise). I think they tend to be more fragile to criticism because of this. Suicidal threats or suicidal ideation is usually apart of it/symptom. They tend to see things in a warped, black and white way when triggered, and don't realize that until the smoke has cleared. They often have a temper (externally or internally). A relationship with someone with BPD is often tumultuous. It can often feel like walking on eggshells. They carry a lot of shame too after seeing the damage their behavior has caused after an episode. Learning good coping mechanisms helps. It often goes misdiagnosed in men too as Bipolar or whatever else because it's seen as a women's mental illness. I don't know if he has it, is actually suicidal or if this was a one time thing though. I'm just throwing it out there.

It's possible he felt unappreciated by you if you think the housework is all the adult stuff and him providing isn't. Of course both are equally valuable contributions. It sounds like he went on the defense after you got onto him about it. Which isn't an excuse, it's just what a lot of people tend to do when they *feel* stressed/nagged/unappreciated whether that's actually the case or not. Most of it (like 90%) has to do with tone as you said.

Anyway, I'm glad y'all made up cuz it always sucks when things end on a sour note. Even if you decide to move on from him in the future. I guess we'll see how things go and I hope he finds the healing/help he needs too.

He’s has been diagnosed with PTSD and depression after his time spent in the military and i have thought about him possibly having BPD a few times as he can switch at a drop of a hat. Also I whole heartedly agree that providing is a big part of being a adult and I always tell him that I’m proud and thankful for everything that he does that what would always bother me cuz I would be appreciative towards him and never get any in return and I also got to the point were I wouldn’t ask for help cuz him and his friends would say I’m nagging but it just got to the point were I couldn’t do it by myself anymore my schooling and health were starting to suffer because of not getting any help, I have no problem doing more of the house work because he provides and goes to work but when I’m balancing school, house work, labs and a clinical 40 hours a week I couldn’t keep up anymore. Edited March 14, 2021 by LittleKitty781

[Accountable Daddy]

I'm usually one to avoid saying this, but leave him. Now. Anyone who ever uses threats of suicide or similar behavior to try to keep you with them is not going to end well for you.

 

Whether he actually means what he says or not, that's an extreme red flag and you need to get out of that relationship immediately. It would be best to cut all ties with him too (he WILL reach out in any way he can to keep it going).

 

It's going to be hard at first, but you can't have a relationship like that.