New To Dynamic, Questions

[NewDaddy2TheShow]

I am looking for advise and education on the dynamics of DDlg. I'm hoping I could borrow a few minutes of time from the more experienced in this field.

 

Quick Overview:

My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4. My wife is 38 years of age and I am 26. She is a manager for a retail company, I run an IT department for a local hospital. She has two daughters from her first marriage, I have none, and we have none together. We have a very nice lifestyle, two dogs, multiple vehicles, a mortgage, and a whole lot of stress brought on by both of our working environments.

 

Last week my wife introduced this dynamic of DDlg to me in the context of a "food for thought" kind of conversation. This forum, among others, was something she "came across". Initially, just knowing the acronym DDlg immediately made the conversation uneasy. But I listened to her, I jumped on this same forum, and started reading. I immediately noticed a great deal of similarities between ourselves and our relationship and what many others are posting.

 

Last week, in our conversation, she referred to herself as a "little". While she may be strong, bold, and loud at work (as required of a manager), she is nearly the opposite at home. She's never referred to me as "daddy" when emotional upset, instead I'm "her rock" that grounds her and keeps her strong.

 

I've always thought of her as a kid at heart. We each agreed at one point to spend time together doing what each wanted to do for half a day. I brought her to a firearms store, bought her her first rifle, and went to the range. The stock was pink. She literally spent more time putting Hello Kitty and Disney stickers on it then shooting. For her time, we watched Lilo & Stitch while coloring books at home.

 

In my limited opinion, my wife has always been submissive in bed, a kid at heart, playful and innoncent. To me, this is normal and has always been. I'm trying to not let terms or phrases bother me, but she wants us to expand on this dynamic. She wants to use pet names outside of bed, she wants rules outside of bed, she wants allowed time to color and play and do whatever. She wants me to step into that role of a "daddy". I'd like to think I already act accordingly. Financially, she's taken care of, spoiled even. I give her emotional support when she feels weak or vulnerable. I tend to make most decision around the house because by the time she comes home from work, the last thing she wants is to be in control. This may sound foolish, but is there a crash course or book or something I can obtain that explains this better, specifically, what's expected of me, what I can expect, and how this is going to effect our marriage?

[Tay212]

I can relate to your wife.  I have always been little and when I discovered a whole community of littles it was so exciting and then learning about the dynamic it was just like, "Yes, this is it, this is what I want out of a relationship."  You said she is wanting to take pet names outside of bed, so you must be using them there.  They must make her feel good and happy and loved and she wants that same feeling all day, not just in bed.  Ask her what kind of rules she wants and why.  Like...I was trying really hard to give up soda.  No soda was a rule I set for myself, but not being accountable to anyone made it really really hard.  I asked my ex husband (this was before he was the ex) to please help me with this.  I wanted him to enforce the "no soda rule" for me.  He wasn't comfortable with it and so it never happened, but that is beside the point.  If she doesn't know what kind of rules she wants, maybe ask her what kinds of things she is struggling with and help her come up with rules that would take some of the stress off her.  She won't have to struggle as much with those things if she feels that you are there looking after her.  Other than that, maybe keep repeating the idea of spending half your time doing what you want and half doing what she wants and establish that it's okay if the things she wants to do are little things.