Self collaring

[DerbyNerd]

Hi everyone! 

 

So I saw a really interesting tiktok about self collaring that explained it in a way that really appeals to me and I wanted to open up a conversation about it. 

 

The tiktok basically said self collaring is like making a commitment to yourself and a goal you want to meet with the collar being a physical representation of that goal. I absolutely love this idea and have been thinking of self collaring. 

 

However I am also in love with the idea of being collared by my daddy - which we have discussed but our dynamic/relationship is still young so wouldn't happen for a while. I don't necessarily thing the two conflict but would really love to hear other peoples opinions about self collaring in general. Are there any littles out there who are self collared? I'd love to hear what the experience was like. Any daddy/doms who want to weight in how they would feel if their little also wanted to self collar? Very open to hearing all and any opinions. 

[Vampiress]

I have zero experience with this, but I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, it reminds me of a practice called "sologamy" which is marriage/commitment to yourself. "Supporters of the practice argue that it affirms one's own value and leads to a happier life." I've seen stuff about this before where maybe they'll get a ring as a commitment to themselves in a similar manner and maybe even have a ceremony.

 

Here's an interesting article about it (sfw): https://www.vogue.com/article/women-marrying-themselves-sologamy

 

A site that has monetized these ceremony things but they do have a lot of info about it (sfw): https://imarriedme.com/

 

If self-collaring is something you're interested perhaps you can take some inspiration from those who have committed to sologamy.

[DerbyNerd]

I have zero experience with this, but I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, it reminds me of a practice called "sologamy" which is marriage/commitment to yourself. "Supporters of the practice argue that it affirms one's own value and leads to a happier life." I've seen stuff about this before where maybe they'll get a ring as a commitment to themselves in a similar manner and maybe even have a ceremony.

 

Here's an interesting article about it (sfw): https://www.vogue.com/article/women-marrying-themselves-sologamy

 

A site that has monetized these ceremony things but they do have a lot of info about it (sfw): https://imarriedme.com/

 

If self-collaring is something you're interested perhaps you can take some inspiration from those who have committed to sologamy.

Those articles are very interesting, but I think what I’m envisioning is a little different. Sologamy seems to be a commitment to ones self with the expectation that you won’t have that sort of commitment with someone else. So sologamy because you’re never going to get married. Or at least that’s how it seems to me.

 

I’m envisioning self collaring to commit to a goal for myself and give myself a physical reminder that I’ve committed. But I still want to be within my dynamic/relationship and have daddy help me with my goal too. I also want to be collared by him at some stage to commit to him and our relationship (I’d love to get married as well one day). But that goal and commitment I want to make with self collaring is still mine no matter what. I don’t know if I’m making much sense.

[Little kaiya]

This may not be a very popular opinion but hopefully it comes across respectfully as that is my intent.

 

Personally I don't agree with the concept of self-collaring. If people want a physical representation of a goal or commitment to oneself that's great and admirable; however, there are other ways to have a physical representation.

 

Collaring can certainly mean different things to different people but for a lot of folks it represents a very deep bond, very similar to that demonstrated by a wedding ring. Just as you wouldn't necessarily see people using a wedding band as a physical representation of a goal I feel the same applies to a collar.

 

A wedding band and a collar have certain meanings. A bracelet, a necklace, anklet and other things could be used as a physical representation of a goal just as well.

 

I am collared by my Daddy and partner and it took us about a year and a half to reach that point. So, yes, I do perhaps have a biased view but I feel strongly a collar is a representation of a commitment between two or more people and not a physical representation or reminder of a personal goal.

 

That said, this is just the opinion of my Daddy and I. At the end of the day each person and couple need to decide the value and meaning of collaring to them as individuals and the context of their relationship.

Edited February 26, 2021 by Little kaiya

[DerbyNerd]

This may not be a very popular opinion but hopefully it comes across respectfully as that is my intent.

 

Personally I don't agree with the concept of self-collaring. If people want a physical representation of a goal or commitment to oneself that's great and admirable; however, there are other ways to have a physical representation.

 

Collaring can certainly mean different things to different people but for a lot of folks it represents a very deep bond, very similar to that demonstrated by a wedding ring. Just as you wouldn't necessarily see people using a wedding band as a physical representation of a goal I feel the same applies to a collar.

 

A wedding band and a collar have certain meanings. A bracelet, a necklace, anklet and other things could be used as a physical representation of a goal just as well.

 

I am collared by my Daddy and partner and it took us about a year and a half to reach that point. So, yes, I do perhaps have a biased view but I feel strongly a collar is a representation of a commitment between two or more people and not a physical representation or reminder of a personal goal.

 

That said, this is just the opinion of my Daddy and I. At the end of the day each person and couple need to decide the value and meaning of collaring to them as individuals and the context of their relationship.

I think that’s a completely fair point of view and I appreciate you putting it so respectfully. I was hoping to get all sorts of opinions and open up a conversation about this. You’ve give me a lot to consider.

[Vampiress]

I understand where you're coming from, but some people who are practicing sologamy do so while already married or with someone else. It's more a commitment to self-love, it doesn't deny one the ability to also love someone else.

[MissPattch]

This is an interesting subject.

 

I have been collared by a Dom before, so am aware of all the "protocols" that come with it. It's been almost 10 years since i've worn a collar, but last year i contemplated buying myself one. Not as a commitment or anything goal oriented, as in the idea you described above, but to remind myself of my submissive nature and who i truly am. 

 

I don't personally see anything wrong with putting a collar on yourself if it's something that makes you feel happy and self confident. I'm all for doing what makes us happy <3

[Lollipox]

I think there’s a necessary difference between “just wearing a collar” and “being collared”.

I agree with notion that it kinda waters down the depth of meaning behind being collared by your Dom or Daddy (or whoever is meaningful in your life, or for sologamy).

 

Doesn’t mean you can’t wear a collar, ofc. I just wouldn’t personally categorize that as “being collared.”

Can one not just wear a collar as a physical reminder but not refer to it as “being collared” or “collaring”?

 

Language is what separates us as a species, and we use words (or gestures) to describe what things are or aren’t.

In this case the Community uses the term “collared” to refer to someone being owned by someone they have a deep and meaningful relationship with. When someone says they’ve been collared, you understand what it means.

So it will somewhat remove meaning, by calling it something that it isn’t.

 

There’s no harm in doing it and just keeping it to yourself. If you think it will truly be helpful to you for your goal, because it means that much to you- then do it. The only reason I suggest keeping it to yourself is because I imagine anywhere in the BDSM community it will ruffle feathers. It’s not a dirty secret or anything like that, it’s more to save yourself some grief via social interactions lol

Because I’m a hermit and know I wouldn’t wanna hear peoples opinions about it all the time xD

[DaddysMonkey]

... Hi. *waves*

 

So , self collaring !

 

I think this is a wonderful thing , I don’t necessarily think it should be tied to a goal though. When you finish said goal , you just take it off ? Do you attach another goal to the same collar ? I would stick to journaling or a goal chart of sorts for that as in my opinion it would start to dissipate the true meaning of the collar in the first place.

 

However , I do believe self collaring can be a great benefit for many reasons. In and out of the lifestyle , there are many ways/reasons people do this. Sologomy , self love , not wanting to have sex for a specific amount of time or until marriage , ect. From everything you’ve written , it sounds like you’re wanting this more for goals. Is there another reason for wanting a collar so much besides just having a goal ? Would it make you feel more at peace until your daddy collars you ?

 

I would have a talk with your daddy and discuss how you’re feeling about self collaring and why. People have promise rings or engagement rings before marriage , so why wouldn’t it be possible to have a promise collar ? Or promise bracelet of some sort ? Self love is extremely important regardless if you’re in a relationship or not , so good on you in the first place for even being so open to start this conversation with others.

 

If someone doesn’t like you wearing a self love collar , fuck em. It’s nobody’s business if it’s a goal collar , relationship collar , or otherwise. If someone has a stick so far up their ass , that their going to judge you for wearing YOUR collar for YOUR own reasons ..... frankly they can suck my dick. While there might be established “protocols” or old school ways of this lifestyle , nobody can tell you what to do if you’re not hurting anyone.

 

Long story short , I think it could possibly defeat the purpose of there is goals attached and detached to the collar but if it’s more for a future promise or a pinky swear to love yourself I think it would be very beneficial for yourself.

 

And of course it’s only my opinion that several goals attached to one thing would diminish the value of goals and collar because that is how my brain works , it might not be like that for you.

 

Edited to point out : I’m not telling anyone here to suck my imaginary dick , except for the imaginary old woman/man in bdsm clothes yelling at everyone their ways in the lifestyle are wrong.

Edited March 1, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[DerbyNerd]

... Hi. *waves*

 

So , self collaring !

 

I think this is a wonderful thing , I don’t necessarily think it should be tied to a goal though. When you finish said goal , you just take it off ? Do you attach another goal to the same collar ? I would stick to journaling or a goal chart of sorts for that as in my opinion it would start to dissipate the true meaning of the collar in the first place.

 

However , I do believe self collaring can be a great benefit for many reasons. In and out of the lifestyle , there are many ways/reasons people do this. Sologomy , self love , not wanting to have sex for a specific amount of time or until marriage , ect. From everything you’ve written , it sounds like you’re wanting this more for goals. Is there another reason for wanting a collar so much besides just having a goal ? Would it make you feel more at peace until your daddy collars you ?

 

I would have a talk with your daddy and discuss how you’re feeling about self collaring and why. People have promise rings or engagement rings before marriage , so why wouldn’t it be possible to have a promise collar ? Or promise bracelet of some sort ? Self love is extremely important regardless if you’re in a relationship or not , so good on you in the first place for even being so open to start this conversation with others.

 

If someone doesn’t like you wearing a self love collar , fuck em. It’s nobody’s business if it’s a goal collar , relationship collar , or otherwise. If someone has a stick so far up their ass , that their going to judge you for wearing YOUR collar for YOUR own reasons ..... frankly they can suck my dick. While there might be established “protocols” or old school ways of this lifestyle , nobody can tell you what to do if you’re not hurting anyone.

 

Long story short , I think it could possibly defeat the purpose of there is goals attached and detached to the collar but if it’s more for a future promise or a pinky swear to love yourself I think it would be very beneficial for yourself.

 

And of course it’s only my opinion that several goals attached to one thing would diminish the value of goals and collar because that is how my brain works , it might not be like that for you.

 

Edited to point out : I’m not telling anyone here to suck my imaginary dick , except for the imaginary old woman/man in bdsm clothes yelling at everyone their ways in the lifestyle are wrong.

Hi there,

 

Thankyou for taking time to post something this well thought out. I do in fact want a collar for much more then a representation of a goal I just didn’t quite know how to put it into words. But I think it’s about a feeling of completeness and belonging. I actually did have a conversation with my daddy about it and he insisted that he buy the collar for me, not to collar me himself but because he understands how happy it’s going to make me feel. Collaring within the relationship will hopefully come later but for now I like the idea that you mentioned of seeing the collar as a promise and also enjoying the feeling it gives me.

 

I have actually started a chart to help me with my goals, I think you were right about having goals attached diminishing the meaning of the collar. I’ve taken a couple of days to really think about why I wanted it and I have realised that my whole life I’ve felt like I needed to justify things I wanted. The goals excuse is just another in a long list of me trying to find an ‘acceptable excuse’ to get myself something I really desire. I want to stop doing that.

 

So here goes:

I am getting a collar because I WANT ONE. It’s going to make me feel good. It’s going to remind me that’s it’s ok to be me and have wants and desires - even if they are outside of the norm. It’s going to remind me that no one gets to put me down for what I want. It’s going to remind me that I’m ok and valid and whatever else. And it’s going to make me smile EVERY damn time I see it.

 

EDIT: I have $200 left over from the shitshow that was my (maybe ex) best friends hens weekend so I will be purchasing myself not one but TWO collars this week yay

Edited March 2, 2021 by DerbyNerd