Emotional trauma and ddlg relationship

[PeaSprout]

Everyone has a story. I'm not necessarily asking you to share your. But I'm wondering more about how you deal with it. When you get triggered, what things help you? Are these things something you shared with your daddy from the start or did they surface through the course of the relationship? As a new little, how do you strike a balance between being too vulnerable and actually finding someone who can genuinely care for you as you are?

[Guest ~Spooky_Ghoul~]

Hmmm that's kind of a hard one. Personal if I get triggered and it's not too bad my doctor taught me to focus all my emotion into something physical. Think only about the object, you should be about to write an essay on it, describing different things about it! I use a worry doll or something I can touch (ex a rock if I'm outside) and breathing exercises to start calming down. I know it sounds silly but it's idk it works for me. In a relationship I like being honest so I'll mention it when you decide to be with that person and setting the guide lines. As for balancing I think that depends on each person and where you are in coming to terms with the trauma . Hope this help and feel free to friend me if u need some to talk to!

[Nicolette]

Trigger Warning: Mention of self harm.

 

This is a very good thread/topic. My method of coping is physical as well but not as Spooky Ghoul listed. I used to cut when I was younger. As an adult I have stopped but when I get an emotional overload I desperately want something physical. I have a spur wheel. It feels like a cut but doesn't actually cut so it doesn't cause any damage.

I have to say that during these periods, it isbwhen I feel most like a little as well. I can't explain it. Daddy is slowly learning this side of me and has found ways to help me cope. He doesn't know why I have them but knows how to help bring me back in a manner of speaking.

[auban]

my little has, from time to time, acted out in ways that would scare most men away.  she acts out with agression as a response to emotions and feelings that pop up out of nowhere when something reminds her of a time when she felt absolute terror/shame/horror/etc.  

 

i wasnt prepared for it when things started triggering her, but eventually learned that it had nothing to do with me.  it was like trying to help a dog that just got hit by a car.  its back legs are broken and its scared.  you can help the dog, take it in, set its bones in casts, and shelter it as it heals, but you will most certainly get bit.  or you can sit back and just let it be, maybe give it some food and hope that it will survive.  it probably wont heal completely, and will live crippled, but at least you wont get bit and you can feel good about yourself for trying.  or you can send it off to someone who knows better than you how to handle the situation.

 

i didnt know how to make my littles pain any less severe, but i did know that it is possible to heal from trauma, so i got close, got her to open up to me, and got bit quite a few times.  so, as a care taker, i deal with her emotional trauma by remembering that she is in pain, and that she does not want to hurt me, even when she lashes out and "fear bites".  sometimes i will put physical distance between us so that we can both calm down, but i try to make sure that she knows that we will be ok, and that our strife is only temporary, and most importantly, im not going to resent her for it.  i will take it in stride, and if she feels guilty about something she did while she was triggering, i will simply give her a spanking so that she feels like she can be forgiven, and i will scoop her up in my arms again and she will be my little girl, and i will be her daddy.  in other words, i try to take the fear of abandonment out of the equation by providing a clear and effective path for us to get back on track.  she is mine, i am hers, and i want her to know that and never forget it. 

 

when my little is triggered, its pretty easy for me to forgive her for the things she does.  but, its not easy for her to forgive herself.  she feels like she has to pay for it or she cant accept forgiveness.  so, punishment spankings, for us, serve the primary purpose of letting her release her guilt.  to a lesser extent, it serves a symbol to me that i am not simply tolerating destructive behavior.  if she is willing to put herself at my mercy and accept whatever kind of pain i inflict on her back side, i can fairly well assume that she wants destructive behavior to stop as much as i do.  

 

ill let my little explain what she does to cope with it in her own words, should she decide to chime in.  she has her own coping strategies that she uses.

[Nicolette]

Thank you Aubane.

 

I can relate to your little. It is very much not intentional to lash out but when those moments happen, for me at least, it is so easy to start down a destructive path...and just keep going.

 

For me it almost feels like an out of body experience. I see me lashing out and every fiber of me is telling me to stop but I can't and it just gets worse and worse. It has caused many walls to raise which daddy has to face now and I wish he didn't. If it was that easy, I would have already done it.

 

It is wonderful that you make sure to eliminate that fear of abandonment. That fear is diabilitating at times. Daddy and I have just found each other so it takes time and patience. So far I am fortunate to have such a patient daddy.

[Breabean]

I grew up in a family where any non physical health issue was kept to yourself. I struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety but because of the way I grew up, it was always something frowned upon, and it was my fault if it affected me in any way. So when a majorly scarring event occurs in my life, and had almost reverberations for the next 2 years,and continues to affect me, it was my fault. This mentality still drags on though I wish it didn't. So now it affects my ability to trust and allow people to see me. Not physically see but to see ME you know? I feel so guilty for making people go,through this whole process of getting to know and befriend and so on, but I can't help it. It will affect your relationship, but it's important that you communicate through it and always say when you feel uncomfortable and or unhappy.

[Guest clownyprincette]

tw: mentions of abuse, mentions of self-harm

 

I have PTSD from some childhood & adult abuse trauma. It's really, really hurt me & my ability to function in my daily life, especially since triggers seem to pop up out of nowhere for me sometimes. I was up front with my big sister about it, & she was very accepting & compassionate regarding what I've gone through--she gave me (& gives me) a lot of support. But I don't think I could be up front with a potential daddy about my trauma & PTSD, as that trauma has very much to deal with horrible experiences involving abusive men from my past. I even thought that I was worthless because of it, & self-harmed for a time. (Resisting that urge is something I still struggle with.) 

 

Maybe this sounds unfair of me, but I think I could be upfront with a potential mommy about my abuse trauma & PTSD, especially if I had a platonic mommy. I just feel so much more comfortable around women...

 

I deal with my triggers by using deep breathing, mostly. If I'm not out in public, I combine deep breathing with blankey & stuffie snuggles. I will literally surround myself with stuffies & watch some cartoons & try to get into little space that way (it's worked, most of the time). If that doesn't work, & I'm having a really bad panic attack, I reach out to friends & family. My parents are pretty understanding of my triggers, & so are my friends, so they're willing to help me calm down by reassuring me that things will be okay. One of my friends does active problem solving while talking to me--identifying what's triggering me & figuring out what I can do to stop a panic attack right in that moment; then we work on a solution to my problem (what triggered me in the first place) shortly after my panic attack is over. 

 

As far as striking a balance, I'm not quite sure how to do that yet. I tend to overshare (people say I'm "too innocent") my personal issues with people that I feel I can trust right away, & I feel that this is not always a wise thing to do. I'm learning from my past mistakes, though. 

[sugaaar]

I don't there is any escaping vunerability because if you want a serious relationship, you can take your time to tell your partner but hiding these matters will not bring you closer together.

[MisterMomo]

I think our relationship is helping in a way that I'm expected to tell mommy if something is wrong and when I'm in little space it is more easy to tell thing... 

Grown up discussion can be stressfull... and I tend to not tell ... to go alone and Pout ...

It is Harder to do that with Mommy.  If I get scared or triggered... She has many activities she can do with me to help me calm down and feel better.  It is not always working... but it is Way better than not telling and not doing anything about it.

 

Also, lots of way I had to hurt myself or not helping me are not allowed anymore... our relationship give me bondaries that help me to cope with life... (DonT Tell Her That! LoL ... she'll be too much happy !! hehe) 

[Guest princessalpaca]

I'm so happy this topic has been brought up, it's something i've wanted to discuss for awhile with other ddlg folks but sometimes it's scary to actually bring it up...

 

I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as PTSD from some...um, bad things that happened to me when i was younger. Little space helps me so much with this, so get ready for a weird and (possibly) convoluted explanation!

 

I feel happiest and safest in MY CURRENT little space. And by that i mean, if i think about the actual little girl i was back at that age, i feel...overwhelmingly terrified. I feel stuck and powerless and so scared and just...a whole bunch of negative emotions.

 

Being in little space now makes me very happy, very safe, and completely at ease. I know that nothing bad can ever happen to me in that headspace, because it's only full of positivity. It's happy, it's silly, it's pouty and bratty, it's innocent and it's safe. And i have control over that. I can control how and what makes me feel little and i can control who is allowed into that space with me. For someone who is very hypervigilant in most of their daily life, having that little space gives me the opportunity to know that hey, it's okay here. You're safe and secure. Nothing bad will happen in this space.

 

I can't always use little space to cope, for example when i have triggers or panic attacks at work or in public, i have to use my grown up coping methods. But when i'm at home and things get a little too overwhelming, it can be really helpful to fall into that headspace and forget about my troubles.

 

I hope this wasn't too off topic or oversharing, i'm sorry if it was!!!! :\