When he ignores your little space

[Blueybluex]

Hey! New to the forum..

So any advice on how to handle feeling really sad because I was in little space yesterday after a really stressful day and that’s just what helps me relax. And normally he’s pretty receptive and makes me feel little and everything feels better and I feel so loved, however yesterday it was like he couldn’t be bothered and now I just feel stupid and maybe I should just grow up? Any advice? Do I speak to him about it?

Edited March 21, 2021 by Thenshespoke

[Little kaiya]

Relationships require communication. He can't know what you're feeling if you don't share.

[Blueybluex]

[maddycakes]

Just spoke to him and he said there’s a time and place for it, now I feel worse

I mean....there are definitely situations where going fully into little mode is inappropriate (such as a family event), but if you're at your own house and done with work for the day, I would think that's the perfect time and place for it. However, this seems like something that maybe could be negotiated with him a bit more thoroughly. Did he say why this was an inappropriate time/place? You shouldn't feel bad (unless he was actually mean to you which is not appropriate). This is a great opportunity to talk to him about his limits and your expectations, to explain your feelings, and to set up a nice foundation for yourself so that these issues can be avoided in the future. 

[Little kaiya]

I mean, he is right when he says there's a time and a place but he needs to go beyond that simple statement. He needs to present his feelings about where and when are appropriate AND allow you time to present your feelings about it as well.

 

Communication is not just a one way street or one statement thing. It needs to go back and forth have reciprocity and be focused on finding common ground. As you have conversations the two of you may find you have very different opinions or perspectives on DDlg, which is fine. If you don't have conversations then one or the other of you, or perhaps both, may become unhappy and dissatisfied.

[PapaGrayWolf]

There is a time and a place for it to be sure but it's up to YOU to say when it's the time and the place.  It's no different than your limits which must be respected.

[Little kaiya]

I would suggest if she wanted him involved the it's up to the BOTH of them, not just her. If a little wants to be little by themself then yes, it's up to them on when and where, assuming it's in a private space. If however they want their partner or partners involved then ALL parties should get an equal say.

[PapaGrayWolf]

I would suggest if she wanted him involved the it's up to the BOTH of them, not just her. If a little wants to be little by themself then yes, it's up to them on when and where, assuming it's in a private space. If however they want their partner or partners involved then ALL parties should get an equal say.

We are going to have to respectfully agree to disagree on that.  And of course we are stating opinions. 

[DerbyNerd]

I would suggest if she wanted him involved the it's up to the BOTH of them, not just her. If a little wants to be little by themself then yes, it's up to them on when and where, assuming it's in a private space. If however they want their partner or partners involved then ALL parties should get an equal say.

I agree with this, it might be a case where OP wanted/needed her partner/daddy to be there with her in little space but that would need to be agreed on by both parties. I think you're totally right that good communication is the key and they need to sit down and have a adult discussion about their dynamic and needs. 

 

 

HOWEVER OP this doesn't mean you can't make your own time to be in littlespace alone. But I can completely understand feeling hurt that he didn't want to be with you in that space and made you feel ashamed (even if this was not his intention his words created that feeling and it sucks). 

[Vampiress]

I think there are a lot of good answers here. Sometimes a person just isn't always going to be in the mood or the right headspace themselves to participate, and that should be okay, but he should do a better job of communicating why it wasn't the right time or place for him. Of course, you determine if/when/where you decide to be little on your own, but with your partner you have to be considerate of their needs as well. I don't think it's unusual for a Caregiver to need a little time and space every now and then not having to worry about the dynamic while they deal with whatever it is that is bringing them out of that mentality.

[Guest bad_apple]

As people have stated before, communication is the key. If it wasn't the right time for him attend to your little, he could explain why. This way you woukd not feel stupid, as you said.

I think it is unfair to expect a Daddy to drop everything that may be going on in their live to take care of a litzle needs. Sometimes they need a break or time out to handle whatever is going on. And you can only fully attend to someone if you are not distracted by other problems.

Care goes both ways and if only one person is given the right to dictate how the dynamic is to function, that quickly creates an imbalance.

 

But I'm getting off topic...

OP, I woukd suggest a follow-up conversation and to maybe consider how you can experience little space by yourself in situations your partner might not be able to fully function in his caregiver role.

[Pupperoo]

I think it's important to remember that just as littles have littlespace, daddies generally have a daddyspace too. They do not always align! If your daddy is the kind that doesn't have a perpetual daddyspace, I can also see it being an issue for him if you're often in littlespace (not that I know). Don't take it too much to heart. Like others said, just speak to him and try to communicate where the boundaries go, if you're both okay with those boundaries and what you both can do for the other to be happy. In these cases it's extremely important you speak up from your own perspective and don't let your insecurities towards him make you chicken out while negotiating. Full honesty and lots of love and hopefully it'll all be just fine