New to this and super confused and stressed out. Please help

[figuringitout]

Hey everyone,

I don't even know what exactly I want, but any insight would be helpful.

I started talking to a guy online a couple of months ago. Initially it was just banter but we both knew it would turn into sexting. So then we started exploring our kinks.

I feel like I am more into the non sexual side (even though I enjoy both) of DDlg while he is mostly into the sexual side of it. Since it's long distance and no hope of meeting, we haven't really established rules or structure, plus I feel like I want things to evolve naturally.

But I've been craving for the nurturing, him making me feel like his little girl non-sexually,almost feels like I need love. I have an anxious attachment style, so I get attached easily and he isn't.

Initially, even before we discussed the dynamic, he made me play small fun games online,called me cute nicknames and I enjoyed it so much, but lately that's all gone and it's mostly sexual.

He still cares and has a gentle side when I ask for it, but he doesn't really initiate fun activities or just spending time bantering about random stuff or taking care of my thoughts etc.

 

So very confused, i feel like our dynamic is evolving backwards, but Im also worried that if I tell him about this, he will start getting into the daddy role in an unnatural way, not his basic instinct, so Idk what to do. Is this something that needs to end or will end soon?

[Alaskan Daddy]

first of all remember your feelings matter. You will never know how he may react if you don't tell him your feelings. He is not a mind reader and may think he is giving you what you want from him. I would gently tell him that you miss some of the loving things he use to do with you. That may be all of the hint he needs. It will not take long for you to see what he wants most in the relationship. Then you will know if is worth your while to continue or walk away. I know it is hard. I hope this helps you in some small way

[Vampiress]

To be honest, it's hard to rely on someone else's instincts because what may feel obvious to you may be something they're just not picking up on. Talking to him will give him an opportunity to decide if that's a direction he wants to go in and needs he wants to meet, or if he doesn't feel he can, then that would mean you're incompatible. Everyone needs a push in the right direction every now and then, and even after things are communicated sometimes people get complacent and have to put effort into keeping the dynamic going. It's okay that this happens, it doesn't mean anything is forced because both people have the choice to decide the kind of effort they want to put in. We just can't rely on people to be picking up on hints, mind reading, or even being body language experts... though since this is long distance I imagine the body language is severely lacking and puts a hinderance on what he can pick up on his own.

[StrngButSweetDD]

I definitely agree with the above.  It's just hard to always pick up on things and read someone as well via technology as in person.  I'd try communicating what it is you are feeling and needing first.

 

Another aspect is since your relationship is sexual now, he may be saving up a lot of passion for your conversations, so to speak.  So knowing he has a sexual outlet with you and being a man, he wants to move things onto that track.  It's not wrong, but it's not giving you what you need.  Maybe afterwards, when he is taken care of, or before- as foreplay, he can take care of your little needs a bit more.

 

Best of luck to you both!