Confused about claims of experience

[Little kaiya]

Hi everyone,

 

So my Daddy and I were talking today and we're just so confused. People post personal ads, usually more Doms than littles, that claim lengthy periods of time as a Daddy or a Dom that just are totally either not credible or suggest very concerning behaviour. For instance, how can someone who is 24 have TEN years experience as a Daddy Dom? Either they've been a Dom since 14, which has some definite concerns, or they're exaggerating. I mean usually they're aren't quite that bad but there are still lots of littles who claim DDlg experience periods that would start before they are 16. Not saying people can't be littles before 16 but being little and into DDlg aren't really the same in our mind.

 

What is there to gain by doing this kind of thing?

 

Ultimately it doesn't affect us as my Wife, Daddy and I aren't looking for anyone but it's just so weird and honestly throws up some pretty big red flags. Anyone able to offer any insight?

 

Little kaiya

[Princess_Angel4]

I found DDLG and talked to my boyfriend at the time about being a Daddy after doing some research and we had a non-sexual little relationship. I feel like Daddys who have been in the community longer would be more knowledgeable about some things but I have no idea, just thought I might put this out there

[maddycakes]

I think it's really natural to want to seem more knowledgeable or experienced that you are. Ultimately, it doesn't really gain you anything (it probably actually does you a disservice because there are more expectations of someone who is experienced and less guidance and education provided without prompting), but I can definitely see why people might think they need to lie to stand out amidst the sea of personals on this site. 

 

I also agree that people should not be counting "experience" that started before the age of 18. To be perfectly honest I would not count anything before I was 21 as true experience. I was way too immature. I was not gaining healthy or positive relationship experience, and I think that's where some confusion comes in. We tend to hear "experience" and count any and all experiences we have ever had, when we should only count experiences that will be helpful in new relationships. 

 

Anyways, just my two cents! Hope that sheds alittle light on this

[DerbyNerd]

Hi everyone,

 

So my Daddy and I were talking today and we're just so confused. People post personal ads, usually more Doms than littles, that claim lengthy periods of time as a Daddy or a Dom that just are totally either not credible or suggest very concerning behaviour. For instance, how can someone who is 24 have TEN years experience as a Daddy Dom? Either they've been a Dom since 14, which has some definite concerns, or they're exaggerating. I mean usually they're aren't quite that bad but there are still lots of littles who claim DDlg experience periods that would start before they are 16. Not saying people can't be littles before 16 but being little and into DDlg aren't really the same in our mind.

 

What is there to gain by doing this kind of thing?

 

Ultimately it doesn't affect us as my Wife, Daddy and I aren't looking for anyone but it's just so weird and honestly throws up some pretty big red flags. Anyone able to offer any insight?

 

Little kaiya

I saw that exact personal today and it made me feel super weirded out and uncomfortable. For me I thought that minors were excluded from kink (I know that no-one can stop minors being kinky with each other but I assumed that the etiquette would be that you start counting your 'experience' from 18). I assume that people just do that to sound more impressive/knowledgeable but personally it leaves me feeling icky and like its a MASSIVE red flag.  

[LeftyGuitar]

I think it's really natural to want to seem more knowledgeable or experienced that you are. Ultimately, it doesn't really gain you anything (it probably actually does you a disservice because there are more expectations of someone who is experienced and less guidance and education provided without prompting), but I can definitely see why people might think they need to lie to stand out amidst the sea of personals on this site. 

 

I also agree that people should not be counting "experience" that started before the age of 18. To be perfectly honest I would not count anything before I was 21 as true experience. I was way too immature. I was not gaining healthy or positive relationship experience, and I think that's where some confusion comes in. We tend to hear "experience" and count any and all experiences we have ever had, when we should only count experiences that will be helpful in new relationships. 

 

Anyways, just my two cents! Hope that sheds alittle light on this

I agree with this. I don't think anything should count below 18/19. Sure people have tried things when they were younger, but you can't really call it experience until you hit like 18 and even then, that's still kinda pushing it. I don't think you really start to grasp things until like 21.

[GlitterMonster]

With that said, I'm sure there are some exaggerated, some who felt that have always that role but didn't have a title for it, or have different interpretations of what the lifestyle verses a role is and what have you.

There are lots of reasons people do this. Sometimes they think they will attract more people if they have a lot of experience or different opinions of what experience means.

[LittleTeacup]

I too find it bizarre and off-putting. I scroll through the personals to just see who's out there and if what I'm looking for even exists, and people who claim experience starting underage really turns me off. Like just be honest and say you had a girlfriend and liked it when she called you daddy. Experience means to me like involved bdsm where you can be counted on to understand kinky things and you're in the scene. But just having some significant others in the past isn't dom experience - it's boyfriend/girlfriend experience. Which can be valuable, but at the same time if you're constantly dating and not sticking with your dates then that's also concerning.

 

Maybe it's just me wanting a softer partnership that only requires a willingness to love and listen and understand that too much experience turns me off. I'd be cool with someone who'd never dated before even. But I've also noticed the ones that usually brag about their amount of experience also tend to have very short personals that barely explain the personality of the poster or what they're looking for beyond "little girl who wants to obey". Like if you're truly that experienced you should have more to say.

[maddycakes]

This is especially true when we examine the core values of DD/lg which are mutual respect, communication, and mutual support. To me, this is like calling yourself an experienced medical professional after being admitted to the hospital a few times. Being in a relationship while you are a minor does give you experience, just not DD/lg experience. 

[GlitterMonster]

This is especially true when we examine the core values of DD/lg which are mutual respect, communication, and mutual support. To me, this is like calling yourself an experienced medical professional after being admitted to the hospital a few times. Being in a relationship while you are a minor does give you experience, just not DD/lg experience.

I get what your saying and to a point I agree with you. But I think that experience comes with learning, even if that means learning how it's not done, though I do get why many would feel this doesn't and shouldn't count.

 

The other thing unrelated to your post, but to the topic as whole is that age of consent varies. Some countries allow things (for better or worse) at younger ages and others older. I wonder if that's where some of this experience comes from as well.

 

All in all, I think the biggest thing is, people need to learn that experience doesn't necessarily make you better or more knowledgeable and often can be a warning to others. Some people don't want an experienced person, some do, others have zero preference.

But maybe it's time to have a community standard for what's considered as experience in our community.

[maddycakes]

I get what your saying and to a point I agree with you. But I think that experience comes with learning, even if that means learning how it's not done, though I do get why many would feel this doesn't and shouldn't count.

I agree that learning what not to do is really important as well! 

 

I don't think we will ever have a community standard, but I do think that having these conversations where we dive deep into what experience is to us is really helpful in itself because (hopefully) everyone who reads this will think about it and do some self-examination  

[shadowrider]

The forum does not allow any discussion of being involved in the lifestyle before the age of 18 since it is illegal for minors to be in kink. As we see these things mentioned they are addressed. We ask that if you see someone stating they were in the lifestyle before 18 please click the report button as we may have missed it and need to get it taken care of. 

 

The age of consent as far as we are concerned is 18 no matter where you may live and no one is allowed to discuss their alleged participation before that age.

 

Thank you and carry on.