why do I have to deal with such dumb insecurity issues

[Elly1983]

so me and my daddy are both in a polyamorus relationship.

 

and he was speaking to me last night about how he wants to pursue training a new sub in his local area,

 

and instantly my brain totally wigged out over what he said.

 

mostly it was due to the fact that about 6 months earlier I was with a previous daddy that I was in a poly relationship with that tried to talk me into pursuing a relationship with a female friend of his that he claimed he was going after as a little sister for the two of us. Well I come to find out by his own admission later on, literally as he is breaking up with me. That he had slept with this girl pretty much behind my back and was for the most part dumping me to be with her.

 

Which was obviously traumatic for me to deal with and I realized that the similarities in my mind , made me think about this past event when my current daddy spoke about his request last night.

 

as I procced as the facts I realized that this is not at all similar to the previous event cause he is actually discussing what his intentions are and is affirming to me that he still loves and cares for me. And has no intentions of leaving me as my boyfriend or as my daddy, and he was calling me to to do just that!

 

But me having the horrible self esteems issues that I do, at that time while realizing that broke down yet again...cause of sheet guilt that I was acting and responding emotionally the way that I was!

 

I mean seriously why should I be emotionally responding like such a hypocrite! 

 

for pity sake I am trying to find littles of my own, and am actively seeking a mommy dom and I wanna react this way to him pursuing a new little??

 

that's hardly fair of me!

 

so needless to say when

 

I woke up this morning when I felt a little more secure and rest assured about what is going on in my life right now. I am a glad that the stress dissipated from the air.