Relationship Help! >^<

[Kaspienchu]

So I’m sorry ahead of time if this doesn’t make much sense!

 

My daddy and I are new to the ddlg dynamic (at least I’m new to the whole physicalness of it, because I’ve only had online relationships prior.) and we live with three other people.

 

What are some more discreet ways of dominating in public? And what could I do when I slip into little space that doesn’t catch the attention of others outside our relationship?

 

I feel as though the relationship is a bit one sided when it comes to the dynamic; I love it, but I feel like he’s only for it because it makes me happy, and not because it’s something he wants to or likes to do. Is there a way to... communicate that? Like trying to further our dynamic?

 

Like when I’m in little space I want him to be that firm hand—tell me no, or when I’m being a butt, he gets on to me for it. How do I get it across that I want him to be less hesitant and more invested in that Daddy role?

 

 

Again sorry if this doesn’t make sense!

(And if there’s a similar topic like this feel free to send me there)

[good_karma]

How to be discreet? Don't do it in Public... As long as people have not consented to be part of your Kink don't involve them... i assume you have a room... use that

 

For the rest... talk to him... people can't read minds... that's why it's usually best to communicate our wishes/wants/needs verbally... if it helps write it down beforehand or write him a letter if you can't communicate it verbally... nudging someone in a direction or giving someone signs can not just be misinterpreted or not even be recognized... it's also manipulative

[Honeydadddy]

Like most things, being a daddydom takes practice. It also takes finding confidence with what is naturally inside of the dd. It is important to talk about what you want in the relationship and to find ways to encourage your daddy to be more invested in the role. For example, you might say something like, “when I’m in little space I would like it if you are firm with me. It’s ok to tell me no when I’m behaving poorly. I really want firmness and structure when I’m in little space” Being assertive in these ways can feel overwhelming for people who are new to the dynamic, but are very important skills to learn for the relationship to keep progressing. Being a dd is, in many ways an act of service, and the ddlg dynamic often works for daddy’s who are naturally nurturing and dominant because they enjoy the caretaker and providing firmness or authority. You might consider checking in with your partner to see what they like about the dynamic. You could ask him something like, “I want to make sure our relationship is not one-sided. Do you like it when I’m in little space? What do you like about it?”

 

In terms of being discreet in public, you might try building a solid foundation between the two of you first before you try discreet things in public settings. Taking things a step at a time really helps build the communication needed to have a healthy dynamic. When you’re ready for that. There are a bunch of creative suggestions in the forum that you can search. Best of luck to you and your daddy!!

[maddycakes]

I know one of the above commenters said absolutely no public display of dynamic, but I would like to give a different opinion. There are plenty of things you can do in public that reinforce your dynamic that are perfectly normal and harmless. Some examples:

- having him order for you at a restaurant

- use coded language or hand signals (ie if daddy uses the word unicorn it means "check yourself", a hand squeeze for "good girl", whatever you want to say to eachother come up with mundane words/gestures to say it)

- beads/coins/etc as "punishment tokens" (your daddy can keep coins(beads) in his pocket and whenever you do something bad he can give one to you, saying something like "hey, can you please hold this in your pocket for me?" totally innocuous. then when you get home you get x number of punishments per coin you have accrued. This could get kinda obvious if you are hanging out with a small group of people, but if you are just in public - at a restaurant, at the zoo, at the mall - no one will think anything of it.)

- follow the leader (if your daddy does something, it is a signal for you to do it too - ie if your daddy says "I'm going to brush my teeth now" that would be a signal for you to do the same)

- have routines that enforce your dynamic such as you cooking breakfast for him or him setting out your next-day clothes in the evening before bed

- chore chart in a journal (since you have roommates, having a large, glittery chore chart posted on the wall would probably not be ideal, but you can keep one in a notebook/journal and still decorate it and use stickers or whatever else you want to use to make it very pretty)

 

I feel like for your questions about how to communicate that with your daddy, you could just tell him exactly what you wrote here. It sounds pretty concise! But as far as being less hesitant, I think that will come more with time and practice rather than a conversation. 

[Kaspienchu]

Thanks to both of you! I got some ideas from what you guys have said and I’m definitely going to communicate with him and talk about what I’ve read!

 

Thank you! ^-^