Resolutions and challenges they come with.

[DaddysMonkey]

Challenges/Resolutions

 

Hello everyone.

 

January is almost over , and it feels like time is just going to fly by again this year. Normally this is around the time that everyone starts to slack and / or start dismissing and giving up their New Years Resolutions. I’ve been going through a lot lately and I myself have almost back tracked and given up on my resolution(s). I thought an interesting topic for littles and caregivers alike is to discuss what resolutions you have and what challenges you are facing / trying to overcome this year. I’ll start by sharing and maybe get the ball rolling and we can all support each other whether it’s up close and personal or just through this thread.

 

My resolution(s) this year :

 

I would like to only put in the energy into people that they put into me , and to start putting more energy into loving myself rather than fixing and helping everyone around me. (Which in turn , means fighting harder against my eating disorder). I would also like to make a couple of friends.

 

The challenges I’m facing with my resolution :

 

This is extremely difficult for me in most cases. I’m the type of person that will give my water away when I am dehydrated so long as it genuinely helps the other person. I enjoy being there for people , as it makes me feel like I have a purpose. This trait in my personality can be a blessing and a curse. I get to help others through their problems , be a loyal and solid friend , and be the wise common sense monger I’ve always wanted for myself. On the flip side , it’s often taken advantage of and leaves me feeling distressed and like it’s all for nothing but to exhaust myself. I find myself unable to call people true friends rather than just acquaintances , and it’s been like that since I was very young. Because of the pattern that happens so often to me , I’m very closed off and afraid to make friends. I understand that it can be confusing trying to be my friend , on one hand I can be an open book and talk about virtually anything.. on the other hand.. when I feel betrayed or like there’s the slightest chance my trust could be betrayed I completely shut down and refuse to talk about my own issues. I very much trust my intuition , and if I feel my friendship is being misused or taken advantage of it is very hard for me to express that and let go of those feelings. This only further exhausts me because I’m used to being the one that everyone leans on , and when I need a shoulder I often feel left behind. The “she’s tough and she can handle it herself” mentality. I’ve gotten so used to people having that attitude towards me , that I even do it to myself. I forget to love myself , and to stand up for myself when I feel I’m being mistreated. Instead , I isolate myself.

 

I’m trying my hardest this year to focus on myself , and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It’s made me realize how alone I actually feel / am and how much I put everyone before myself , even though it’s difficult and frustrating I know it’s going to make me a stronger individual than I already am. I am trying to let go of pain and hurt from the past , and not let it influence my decisions with other humans for the future.

 

I guess that’s all I can muster up for now , it was mentally straining to even open up like this to be honest. Thank you to anyone that read or listened , and thank you to anyone in advance that shares their challenges or resolutions with me / the forum.

[lullabyprincess]

I relate to this post so much. I didn't really assign any actual resolutions for myself, but this is definitely something that I need to get better at too. Thank you for your post. 

Edited May 18, 2021 by lullabyprincess

[ThatOneGuyTho]

First offs, major props to you for writing this, it takes a lot of courage to put it out there like that. I've said it befores, will say it agains, you're awesome 

 

For myself, I actually relate to very much of what you've said. I went through the worst year of my life last year, my ex left me out of the blue. She was the first person I ever loved, and truly made a connection with. I took it extremely hard.. Took months for me to even do more than just sit on the couch with netflix on in the background staring at the ceiling. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, and when she left for some reason it threw everything into overdrive. My anxiety is the worst I've ever had it, and my depression is in a constant tug of war with it to see who's gonna win. She was my best friend, and sadly the only other person I had in my life.

 

I crashed hard, not gonna go into it more than that, because it gets pretty.... dark. My new years resolution was to "Find Happiness" I spent like way too much of my life honestly just hiding from everyone.. It took me a long time to realize I had an actual anxiety problem.. I was always so ashamed that I just couldn't grind through it somehow.. But with her, I lived more in the year we were together than I have my entire life. I went to the zoo, the malls.. all these really cool things that I was just too afraid to try by myself. It was really cool to feel like I belonged somewhere for once, I've just never had that before.

 

So that's my resolution, "Find Happiness" there's a lot that goes into it. For myself, the struggle for me honestly is.. Finding a reason worth it, like believing that good things can actually happen for me? I can't say I've done good with it. I've always had an extremely hard time doing anything that just benefited me.. The drive is just not there, somebody else though? It's so easy to move mountains for other people, but not for myself.

 

Dats muh overshare, thank you for listening.

Now dat I has your attention, JURASSIC PARK IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE, FIGHT ME XD

[DaddysMonkey]

Thank you for sharing Guy <3 I really appreciate you being open like that.

Finding happiness is something I’ve also wanted but never quite truly understood.

 

It’s never easy losing a best friend who is also your partner and lover. It can completely change you as a person especially if it’s extremely sudden and without much explanation.

 

Do you find that your past experience with your ex has lead to changed behaviors in the present? In my original post I mention that I don’t want past issues to effect future possibilities with new humans / current humans. It’s really hard to let go of the past , and not think the worst of people when you’ve been hurt so much. If someone hurts me , it’s rare I give second chances because I’ve been shown so many times that people don’t change .. and often will just hurt you again. In order to make new / keep friends , I need to learn balance. And learn that not everyone is going to abandon me or hurt me and betray me. If someone messes up , it’s hard for me to ever trust them again because of my past. And I’ve been working really hard to improve myself in that way. That doesn’t mean everyone deserves chances ... but I’m trying to teach myself that *maybe* some people do.. It seems so easy for us humans to hold onto the past , and remember pain others caused when trying to make new friends / potential partners. It makes it so difficult to open up because the lack of trust is there from the beginning.

Edited January 19, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[ThatOneGuyTho]

There have been a lot of behavioral changes, and reversions to bad coping mechanisms. I'm the same way, if someone hurts me I pretty much write them off. I've always been a very good judge of character, I've always been able tor read body language, micro expressions and such. It's no special power or anything, I simply grew up in a hostile environment, and I guess it's just one of those things you naturally learn for survival.

 

 

It's easy to focus on the negative in people. When I broke down, I reached out to people I've always been there for.. They all ghosted me. Not that I blame them.. Not like there was anything anyone else could've really done, but I just needed someone to listen I guess? Anyway, like a month later.. One of those people, texts me at like 3AM, by this point I don't sleep normally so I'm awake.. They need someone to talk to, about their life going off the rails.. so I'm there for hours talking to them, trying to help them through their thing, knowing they can't do the same in return.

 

One thing I can say, my whole life I've been more happy to write people off more than I was willing take a risk on them.. That has lead to me to a very lonely life.. I wish I would've taken more chances, given people more than one opportunity.. You risk getting hurt, it's far more likely than anything else.. There's no version of life where you don't get hurt, where people won't wrong you, it happens no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves.. But there's also good opportunities that come with that risk.

 

You cannot have good without the bad, happiness without sadness, reward without risk. Hopefully this makes some kinda sense.