Should I expect parts of my life to be sacrificed?

[Guest Nintendork]

The title has a somewhat negative connotation, but it's only for lack of better vocabulary. I'd like to ask experienced caregivers and littles about any unexpected sacrifices they had to make to adopt this lifestyle.

 

To clarify, it's because of a fantasy of learning how to scuba dive. Not just with anyone though. I don't want to learn it alone, I don't want to learn it with friends, or even a girlfriend. It has to be with my wife. For the purposes of the fantasy, I can't imagine how to make this forever activity more fun than by learning it with my forever woman. And this is only one of a number of long running dreams and fantasies I've developed before I learned about ddlg.

 

However yesterday as I was reading about how littlespace can be a necessary coping mechanism, I came across accounts of people who are unable to control it. They'll involuntarily enter littlespace, even in the most inopportune times. I'm not sure how much you, the reader, know about scuba diving, but if you're not completely cognizant at all times, there is a VERY real potential of death. There is actually a story of a couple who BOTH accidentally lost track of their levels/readings, became confused and giddy by carbon monoxide poisoning, but barely made it out alive through sheer luck. Now imagine that scenario with a little.

 

If I ever find my forever little and scuba diving ends up being impossibly dangerous, I am ready to give it up of course! Albeit with tears and a severely broken heart. I would never even ask a little to attempt anything that I know is outside of her capabilities. I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm hoping that I can get some true insight into an aspect of ddlg that I think is real but not spoken of often. If at all. I'm all too familiar with resentment developing in relationships due to ignorance, so I'm doing everything I can to prevent that from happening here.

 

Thank you so much for your time everyone.

[LittleLambGirl]

The wording of your question really shocks me (without meaning to offend you). Speaking as both a little and a qualified scuba diver, this is highly unlikely to be an issue.

Whilst I can understand, and do experience, that feeling of inadvertently feeling little, I don't completely lose control of my faculties. I'm still a perfectly functional adult, even if something gives me that cute little energy. It is a choice to fully surrender to that feeling. I'm friends with many littles, and none of them completely lose the ability to look after themselves as a consequence of feeling little, especially not to a point of it being dangerous. The only ways I can imagine this being an issue are for either people who are extremely immature and unable to reasonably judge which moments are appropriate, or possibly for people who suffer with severe PTSD where regression is a safety/comfort thing. 

​There are littles of all varieties and if something like scuba diving is important to you, guaranteed there is a little out there who would love to do that with you! The right partner will tick most of those boxes.

[maddycakes]

I agree 100% with LittleLambGirl! Littles may be more helpless while in littlespace, but they are still adults who can participate in dangerous (?) activities responsibly. 

 

As for other sacrifices made, I think that's going to be different for everyone. Some people sacrifice monogamy or polyamory to be with their partner, some people sacrifice the comfort of their hometown to relocate, some people sacrifice their freedom by becoming a one-car household. It's like any relationship in that sense. I don't think I've ever had to (or heard of anyone else having to) sacrifice a hobby or an activity for their relationship because of this dynamic. I've definitely had to sacrifice many of my bad habits though  

[Little kaiya]

I'm a little but it's never stopped me from white water kayaking, ziplining, caving, rock climbing or any other number of activities that people might consider dangerous.

 

It's like work, I don't just turn into a little at work. I'm a fully functioning adult who is capable of taking care if themself, I just prefer to have a loving caregiver. Just as I'm a submissive but don't need a Dom to function.

 

I wouldn't say you need to sacrifice to have a little any more than you'd "sacrifice", I prefer the word compromise, in any other kind of relationship.

[Guest Nintendork]

Hmm, ok I understand everyone thank you very much!

If this post upset or shocked you, that's my fault and I apologize. I'm speaking out of frustration is all. Like little kaiya said, a relationship is compromises. But in previous non-ddlg relationships, eventually compromises dwindled into me sacrificing what made me happy so they could have great Instagram pics or expensive gifts.

 

I mean, just look at your replies! The thought and consideration that you actually put into them to help me be a better caregiver, is exactly why I'm pursuing a relationship with someone like you peeps. But littlelambgirl, if you actually don't have ANY little friends like what I've described, you're either not understanding what I'm talking about or the people contacting me from another forum are completely lying to me about what littles are.

 

Aaaand now I'm realizing that they're probably trying to manipulate me in some way. Well, that opened my eyes a little to something I wasn't even asking about. Thanks y'all! Hope I can find someone like you guys soon!

[Guest Nintendork]

No need to respond folks, I've got it. Pretty much looking for love in all the wrong places, from all the wrong people.

[maddycakes]

No need to respond folks, I've got it. Pretty much looking for love in all the wrong places, from all the wrong people.

Well, I hope you can find it in a good place from a good person!  Good luck!!!

[Vampiress]

There are different types of littles. The agere/age regression community is made up of those who regress psychologically, which is a coping mechanism, and they will actually become like a child and can't consent to things (they are often or usually into non-sexual CG/l or into being little on their own). There are even minors in that community. There are people in the DD/lg community who blur the lines and claim to be regressors or agere but they don't actually mean they're psychologically regressing. You just have to become more aware of the terms and different types of littles and what they're capable of. If you happened to find yourself in a relationship with an age regressor I would be concerned about their safety in that situation, but littles who don't psychologically regress I think they will be fine as long as they are open to the experience and not scared of water or drowning.

[DaddysMonkey]

Hmm, ok I understand everyone thank you very much!

If this post upset or shocked you, that's my fault and I apologize. I'm speaking out of frustration is all. Like little kaiya said, a relationship is compromises. But in previous non-ddlg relationships, eventually compromises dwindled into me sacrificing what made me happy so they could have great Instagram pics or expensive gifts.

 

I mean, just look at your replies! The thought and consideration that you actually put into them to help me be a better caregiver, is exactly why I'm pursuing a relationship with someone like you peeps. But littlelambgirl, if you actually don't have ANY little friends like what I've described, you're either not understanding what I'm talking about or the people contacting me from another forum are completely lying to me about what littles are.

 

Aaaand now I'm realizing that they're probably trying to manipulate me in some way. Well, that opened my eyes a little to something I wasn't even asking about. Thanks y'all! Hope I can find someone like you guys soon!

Hmm, ok I understand everyone thank you very much!

If this post upset or shocked you, that's my fault and I apologize. I'm speaking out of frustration is all. Like little kaiya said, a relationship is compromises. But in previous non-ddlg relationships, eventually compromises dwindled into me sacrificing what made me happy so they could have great Instagram pics or expensive gifts.

I mean, just look at your replies! The thought and consideration that you actually put into them to help me be a better caregiver, is exactly why I'm pursuing a relationship with someone like you peeps. But littlelambgirl, if you actually don't have ANY little friends like what I've described, you're either not understanding what I'm talking about or the people contacting me from another forum are completely lying to me about what littles are.

Aaaand now I'm realizing that they're probably trying to manipulate me in some way. Well, that opened my eyes a little to something I wasn't even asking about. Thanks y'all! Hope I can find someone like you guys soon!

*waves*

 

I usually like to play the devils advocate.... or at least hold a megaphone for him sometimes.. so here goes.

 

I will say that I completely understand what you’re saying.

 

There are littles like myself and others that have replied that know when the time to be an adult is and when to turn off that “little” switch inside of us. BUT , there are also people who use the term and lifestyle of a little as an excuse to act completely aloof and irresponsible and do quite often put themselves in dangerous and selfish situations. I’ve known plenty of people on this site let alone real world and other platforms that do just that. It leads to frustration in myself because it makes me feel like a lot of littles get this bad wrap of being helpless little sheep that can’t protect themselves or make educated decisions under pressure. I do agree with some of what Vamp has stated , there are people who age regress (which is completely different than being a little IMO) as a coping mechanism for PTSD and other mental / psychological issues. If someone has these issues that aren’t just self diagnosed , you should just have a discussion with them about their limitations if you wish to peruse a relationship with them.

 

I think there is a big misconception that *some* , not all , littles perpetuate. The whole “I’m helpless and irresponsible and can’t take care of myself without somebody” shtick. That works for some caregivers because they like that extreme care and control , but that’s not alllllllllllll of us littles way of thinking.

 

As someone with extreme anxiety and panic attacks , I still don’t see it as a debilitating thing to where I would couldn’t function in a dangerous situation. Sure , I might shit my pants out of fear over something .. but I’m still a responsible functioning adult that has to get shit done. The same would be for any situation, whether that be an invitation to scuba dive , rollerblade bomb down a hill , kick an aggressive tweaker out of my shop etc.

 

There’s a big difference between a responsible adult who has the heart of a kid and is a little in this lifestyle , and what it sounds like you’re being fed information wise. Not all little are helpless , and not all of us just see shiny things and our brains stop working. Flight or fight is primal , and unless stated like above (actual ptsd coping mechanisms where someone regresses without control) I would put money that a little would get out of a dangerous situation quicker than a caregiver would. Us littles are either gunna run like the wind , or brats like me are going to post up and fight till we die.

 

Wow that was a hell of a coffee ramble.

Good luck on finding love bro , just take it slow and remember... this is all about individuals. No little or caregiver is the same. So while some little may be or act helpless , there are others that will fight to the death and will protect themselves / others.

Edited January 18, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[RavenclawPrincess]

Like Vampiress and Monkey pointed out, there's a HUGE difference between the age regression community and people that are strictly into CG/l as a kink lifestyle. Lines can and do get blurred with littles sometimes, I think a lot of the newer ones in particular get confused about the difference between the two and buy into stereotypes/misconceptions. That in particular has a lot to do with misinformation that's out there and newer people finding their way, not everyone is educated in this lifestyle by default. The other thing to watch for, which Monkey explained really well, is that a lot of littles aren't mentally/emotionally healthy and will use little space as a scapegoat/means to not take responsibility for their own lives. I personally consider that to be pretty detrimental mental health issue both to the little and to any partners they have. Being unable to control little space can also just be an indicator if inexperience, it takes practice to be able to turn that headspace on and off at will rather than being unable to control it. Anyone that genuinely can't control it is more than likely an age regressor and not who you're looking for, or the person is just really unhealthy regarding their little space. 

 

Ultimately, it sounds like you know what you want. From where I'm sitting, it seems like the ideal little for you is someone that is educated in kink lifestyle, is mentally/emotionally healthy, and is fully capable of functioning both in little space and in an adult context. That might be difficult to find but it certainly isn't impossible, so hold out for someone that you genuinely feel is compatible with your wants and needs. Don't bother with age regressors or littles that don't match up with what you're looking for, it wouldn't be good for either of you and there's no sense in wasting both of your time and efforts. Compatibility is a very very big deal.

Edited January 18, 2021 by RavenclawPrincess