Need advice but not sure where to post.

[Littlemisspenguin]

Sk typically I try to keep to myself and try not to air my issues. I never know how to word it or express myself, but I feel like I am stuck in a place and don't know what I should do. Sk here it goes....

 

I am a switch and I have been looking for someone who meets my needs and also lets me be who I am. I finally found someone before Thanksgiving. He is my other half, I feel. He completes me in every way. I met him through here, through his personal ad. I get to have a daddy with him which means so much, and I also get to be mommy to him. Of course we have had bumps and whatnot but so do all relationships. He puts up with my depression and mood swings fairly well, and I can't express how much that means to me. I've been in this lifestyle for some time and never felt such a connection.

 

Now here comes the issue. We have connected, talked daily, sent gifts, and expressed love. All of these things have made me happy, but I recently admitted that I told my family that I am with him. He was happy and willing to talk to them if they wanted. That gave me such butterflies. Then I started thinking he just kept saying he told his friends about us. Which as for steps, I was tickled he did that. Wow, he thought enough to tell others about us. Then I did the big step and asked if he told his family. He mentioned he told his aunt but was trying to figure out how to tell his mom, because she was "always unsure and protective".

 

I know it can be a big step to tell family, but I felt like it was such a slap in the face. Like he is almost embarrassed of me to tell his family. I know that it can be difficult but no more difficult than sending me a ring because wants to be serious. I have told both friends and family about him. Yes, that was my decision but I felt like we are so true for eachother.

 

Like how am I supposed to feel? Am I being immature by feeling like he is embarrassed? Ugh emotions.

[ThatOneGuyTho]

I mean, different people have different family dynamics. I wouldn't necessarily say that he's embarrassed of you, he expressed his mom is very protective? This could very well be a situation where he just has a hard time sharing things with her. Not everyone is open minded and perhaps there are questions not specifically related to you, that he knows he's going to have to confront. Are you guys mostly online kinda deal? People tend to have a lot of mixed feelings about that.. Maybe he feels he's going to have to defend the relationship, rather than celebrate it.

 

You're not wrong to feel how you're feeling, try to take a couple breaths here, don't go red alert just yet.. Families are a complicated beasts.

Edited January 15, 2021 by ThatOneGuyTho

[Guest Teasing Tink]

To me, it doesn't sound like he's embarrassed of you at all -- especially since he told his friends about you which are often arguably closer than family for some people. It just sounds to me like his mom *may* be a bit controlling when it comes to his relationships or tries to be, so then it becomes awkward and harder to address it. He also probably wants his mom to accept you for both your sakes so he's trying to think of the best way to reveal the information so that happens. I've been in that situation with a crazy/controlling mom in regards to my first relationship. I knew she'd react crazy to the news and she proved me right. Mine was an extreme situation though and thankfully many years later, my mom no longer acts this way. Hopefully his mom is better. Being protective isn't a bad quality though so long as it's not controlling. It could also be that he dated shady peeps in the past and she understandably worries about him. It's hard to say without more info.

 

All that to say, I highly doubt this is some indication that he's embarrassed of you so I wouldn't take it that way. But if you want some real reassurance, just tell him how you're feeling and ask him yourself. If he loves you, he'll understand and want to comfort you.

[korilakkuma]

I can understand why he's hesitant in telling his family.

My Daddy and I are in the same boat too. His family knows about me, the important people anyway. And my family doesn't know about him. But they know I have a boyfriend I just haven't introduced him to them yet.

 

 

Daddy understands that I've never introduced a guy to my family before, and even though I badly want them to meet and get to know him (cause I'm sure they'd love him too) we're planning on doing it the traditional way. I'm gonna introduce him when he visits here. He prefers my family and friends see him in personal first instead of video call.

 

 

I used to worry that Daddy might think I'm embarrassed of him. But he knows and understands that my parents are strict so we just decided to do it that way. He also knows that I don't share my dating life with my family. He knows I brag about him with my friends. Which are people I am more open to.

 

 

I hope this helps ms penguin (◍^▽^◍)

[Vampiress]

My mom is crazy controlling and I wouldn't tell her for a long time, if I was even talking to her anymore (which I'm not). It'd be worth it to ask him a bit more about it and his family dynamic to put your concerns at ease. On the other hand, some people are very protective of their families and won't introduce someone until they're SURE it's serious because their family is the most important people in their lives, which I think is well intentioned in a way and makes sense. I know a lot of people with kids will wait a while to introduce a new partner to their kids because of that protective feeling, too. Whether he's trying to handle this delicately with a difficult situation or if he's just making sure you're serious before he introduces you to his family (which would be a very big deal and a very big gesture for them in a positive direction), I don't get the sense that he's embarrassed of you with what you've told us. If he has done or said other things to make you feel like he is embarrassed that you didn't mention then that is a whole different situation.

[maddycakes]

I definitely would not consider that rude. Honestly, if his mom is super protective and high strung, he might be not telling her out of courtesy to you. I have dated a few guys with moms that didn't like me and it was hell. You could always try asking him about his mom and why he feels the need to break the news gently? I think that would ease your feelings and give you some good insight into his family and their relationships. It seems like you have a very good relationship with your family, and that's awesome! But not everyone does, or even if they do, sometimes they know certain things that will set their family members off (ie telling your overprotective mom that you have a girlfriend), and these things would need to be handled more carefully than other topics. It could also be due to how his mom has reacted to this news in the past. If she got super upset or didn't like the girls he was dating, it would probably cause him to be more careful of telling her about a new girlfriend. Anyways tldr; it's probably him/her and not you, but the only way to find out is to talk about it with him!