Adjusting to a new style

[~LittleLeah~]

Hey! I met a potential new Daddy about a week ago and we went out on a date this weekend. We got along really well, and he wanted to know practically everything about me and we clicked instantly in the dynamic which was awesome. So all in all, very good time. Right now I'm in that place where I'm still trying to figure him out, and am feeling insecure about if he's going to stick around (he's already talking about our next outing, so obvi, but still). I said something about feeling insecure and he said that it was in his best interest if I am desperate for him (or something like that). I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. I asked him to clarify and he said no,and that I needed to trust him. The 'desperate' comment really rubbed me the wrong way as he told me he and his last little broke up because she became so reliant on him that she had trouble functioning on her own. It also made me really uneasy and made my feelings of insecurity worse. And thoughts from either side?

[Vampiress]

That would make me super uncomfortable too, ESPECIALLY since he refused to explain... communication is important, and if he's going to make a comment like that he needs to explain and make it clear what it is he wants or expects out of the relationship. The other glaring red flag is he told you about his previous relationship and how reliant she became on him. I'd wonder if that meant he encouraged her to become so reliant to her own detriment. That's unhealthy and makes me feel like if it was him encouraging her that he wasn't looking out for her best interests. That's never in anyone's best interests... they have to be able to stand on their own two feet and have some independence. Poor girl probably had a heck of a time adjusting after they broke up trying to find herself again and learning to function without him. I'd say pressure him more to talk to you and open up, and if not then take caution going forward because you don't want to find yourself in that same scenario.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

In his best interest? What an odd way to word things. Shouldn't it be in *your* best interest or both of your best interests? Also just not being allowed to question him just sounds like he's on some sort of power trip or is trying to hide something which I don't see as healthy. Everything should be understood and there's no valid reason why he shouldn't or can't explain in that scenario. Trust is earned and he's not entitled to it before you barely even know the guy. I say: take things slow and trust your gut. Any time I felt uneasy about a person (and then doubted myself), I wound up being right.

Edited January 11, 2021 by Teasing Tink

[ThatOneGuyTho]

I really can't put it any better than V (hopefully it's okay that I call you V XD) did.. I try not to uh, sound off too much around here.. I'm super new, and as a result can't always tell what's red flag and what's not in the community. So take everything I say with the knowledge that I'm still a bit of an outsider, and have never had a relationship within this dynamic. 

With that said, I don't feel causing your little to feel insecure has a place.. At least not in the sense that you don't know whether they're going to stick around or not.. Every dynamic is a little different but there's a lot of vulnerability in these relationships.. and not knowing whether or not the person you're sharing it with is going to be around tomorrow is no good. How can you rely on someone, who's suppose to give you a sense of stability, or guidance who you have no idea if they will get bored or something, and wonder off?

 

If he's aiming to keep you at arms length constantly guessing, and desperate for his attention/affection? I don't know what game that is, but I would say.. if that is not enough to cause you to break things off.. to at the very least put some brakes on, take things a bit slower really get to know this guy. It screams red flags to me, and you clearly feel something is off yourself, trust your own instincts. 

[~LittleLeah~]

Thank you, guys. I did ask him to clarify because I didn't feel like that was fair, and he said that he thought it would make me behave better. I'm not a brat, so it's not like it's an issue to begin with. I'm going to take a step back, especially emotionally until I can get a better read on things. I'm not necessarily new to this dynamic a d I think the reason it bothered me so much is because it reminded me of someone I was with before that damn-near made me crazy with the in and out behavior.

[baby_k]

Trust your gut feeling and do what you now plan to

To me all you said sounds shady but of course maybe he just said things poorly or has some silly assumption about stuff which can be easily fixed with talking. However, the silly idea(s) he might have seems bit like unequality in the rel, so watch out. Dynamic is dymanic but there should be in the end two adults in equal relationship who respect each other.

 

One thing to remember ( for everyone ):

do not enter the dynamic just like that.

 

Know the person, and slowly start going into the dynamic ONLY WHEN you BOTH agree to go into it ( and specify how you do it ). Rel/dynamic shouldn't be automatic dive into things but open conversation where you learn what both like and why. I know it's tempting if things would just somehow work with no thinking but that is rather risky and recipy for disaster -also in case you would be really compatible and the guy is amazing.

 

One should learn if the other person has something fishy going on, if they truly match ( and not that things just seem to match ): often why people like something is waaaayyy more important than what they like, especially if we talk of dynamics.