Is This Right For Me? Seeking Knowledge/Wisdom

[ThatOneGuyTho]

I'm 33, I've only ever been in one relationship my entire life, have only been intimate with her. She left me awhile back, but we had this bond that was unlike any other. She was super dependent on me, very clingy, she didn't drive or anything so I had to take care of her and we did everything together. It was intense, and honestly it was the closest I've ever felt to anyone. I loved taking care of her, looking out for her, spoiling the hell out of her lol.

 

The aspect of this dynamic that attracts me the most, is the caregiver side. The sexual stuff, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in it at all, however my main focus is the care giver dynamic. I think a big part of this stems from the fact that my little brother died at about a year old, S.I.D.S. so I never got to be a big brother. I also don't have anyone in my life, so when I am with someone.. I seek a lot more out of that connection than a traditional relationship. I like being in contact, not necessarily 24/7 hell I work, but I love to be able to text and talk throughout the day.

 

I've never done any kind of kink, and as stated previously I've only ever had one sexual partner. I've been kinda loitering around the community, reading a lot of posts.. Most of what I see is a-lot of sexual based dynamic, I've seen that not all littles are sexual, and I would definitely not start off with anything sexual. I can't help but feel that, because it seems anyway, most are drawn to this as a sexual thing (and I should note I'm speaking from a place of PURE IGNORANCE, as an outsider looking in, excuse me) that it would be way out of my wheel house, given my vanilla experience?

 

I've lived a pretty rough life, have a lot of wisdom to share as a result of it. I'm very nurturing, and I always put other people before myself. I'm a natural leader, even when I try to follow, I generally end up running the show.. no matter how hard I try not to XD.

 

Long rant later, my question is.. Am I in the right place? Am I looking for something in the wrong place? I've done a little bit of research, but I don't want to come off as one of those people who did a google search, and thinks they're an expert.. I haven't really come across anything that really turns me off to the concept, but it's hard to really know without trying to pick some brains.

 

Thanks for your time guys.

[alicexoxo]

:/

Edited June 19, 2021 by alicexoxo

[Guest liljeannie]

It sounds like you have natural caregiving tendencies which, I would say, means you belong here. It does not have to be all about kink or sex. There are different forms of cg/l or ddlg as much as there are different types of people. Edited December 27, 2020 by liljeannie

[MintieSweetie]

Welcome
Honestly, theres so many different types of people in this world and so much to experience if you choose to, you are safe here and nobody will judge you so just explore and do whatever you feel comfy with ^-^ If thats just casually chit chatting with peeps then sure, if its more, then sure But this is a safe place to just get to know yourself and others better Thats my view anyways 

[Lollipox]

In my opinion I think you’re in the right place. ^-^

You seem nice, and like you put a lot of thought into things.

Btw it’s perfectly fine to be interested in the sexual side of ddlg.

And from what you’ve said, you’ve already thought about what you enjoy and why you feel intrigued by it.

Everyone starts somewhere, it’s just about giving it a shot now. And seeing if you still enjoy it by experience.

[DaddysPrettyPrincess]

Im just echoing other people at this point but I feel as though this is the right place for you, there is many forms of ddlg, you just have to find someone who is willing to take it slow. You seem to have it naturally though so I'm sure it wont be too hard. As for the kink side it isn't going to be out of your realm too much, when you get to that point the most important this is communication, it's just like it would be normally. A lot of people in this community have other kinks like bondage and things of that nature, but in the same hand a lot of people are more vanilla and traditional, some people occasionally will have sex when they're feeling little, some people never have sex when little and some people do it more often. There's no right way to be as everyone has their own preference. Just take it slow and with good communication everything will fall into place! Welcome to the forum also

[ThatOneGuyTho]

Thanks for all the warm welcomes guys! I've been reading around the forums, soaking up that knowledge. So far, I feel like honesty, and just being very open about what you're looking for/both are expecting from each other is the way to go. That and not pretending like you know everything, thankfully I'm never one to shy away from asking questions no matter how failbie it makes me look XD! I feel like it would be a bit off to just try to dive in, maybe that's the perfectionist/overthinker in me talking. I've been reading around the tips threads here, other than that, is there any resources or knowledge bases you guys would recommend?

 

Thanks for lending me your ears homies 

[Shakeygiraffe]

Hello. Have you tried bdsmtest.org? I found it through here a little while ago, and learnt some new words :-) It might help you learn a bit more about what you might like and not like, and could be a good conversation starter (maybe not in the office!) :-)

[Hypnoduke]

Hey! I’m new here myself and in a similar scenario. I feel like you probably see yourself as an outsider looking in, and I feel that way myself. But I came to the conclusion I enjoy this lifestyle because I also enjoy looking out for people and caring for them. I have only ever been in a couple of DDlg relationships and one of them was online! So while I feel inexperienced and as if I’m “an outsider”, I’ll say I find the people I’ve communicated with on here to be very welcoming. So what I mean to say is you deserve to be here as much as anyone else if that’s why you want. But based on your post, I believe this lifestyle will make you very happy!!

[ThatOneGuyTho]

Yeah, I tried the bdsmtest dealio, it was interesting! Wait you mean.. I shouldn't talk about that at the office?! oh damn... XD

Thanks for the kind words Hypnoduke, you guys have been very welcoming =)

[Guest Oni.oni]

don't quote me on this because I'm also still learning and I've been learning since I was 16, but from what I'm aware of the sexual and nonsexual littles are two sides of the same coin. you have a nonsexual little space that's seen as very innocent and childish, it's used to cope with daily adult stress or disorders, disabilities, etc. the sexual little space is called age play and that is a kink, in which a person acts as a child during sexual intercourse and gets off on it. there's quite a bit of debate on it, some say it's pedophilia while others say it's not. I can see both sides personally and understand it, but anyway... off topic.. age play is something that can be just for fun or it could be a trauma based thing which just means that the person had a sexual trauma in their childhood, or trauma of some sort relating to age play. it's not for everyone and that's okay.

outside of that, you seem to be in the right place if you're looking to be more of a fatherly/nurturing/caregiving type of person in a relationship and are also looking for someone who is perhaps a bit more on the childish side. depending on your preferences there's abdl's (adult baby diaper lovers)their age ranges from 0-2 years-ish, toddlers who range from 3 to maybe 5 or 6 years old, kiddies who range from 5 or 6 to about 10, and middles who range from 11-18 years old. each range acts about their age, each have their own likes and dislikes followed by needs and bundles of problems if they're going through things.

I'd say if you want someone who is heavily reliant on you then your best bet is the babies and toddlers, or anyone who is generally dependent and clingy which could range up to middles as well. but mostly I'd recommend learning more about the community first before trying to dip your toes in the waters of a relationship because failed relationships can be pretty painful if not damaging to some. (also don't quote me on that, it's just from person experience).

but there's a whole world out there with ddl/mdl and bdsm, there's a lot. so have fun and take your time. make sure you are genuinely ready for a commitment as serious as having a little before you go searching for one because it is a commitment. these dynamics take a lot more trust and time than a normal "vanilla" relationship does, but when you find the right one it's worth it.