Honesty - a one way street?

[Holly.lea]

Everything I have ever read about the community the most important part I have garnered is that communication is key, open honest communication. 

 

I am learning though that there are a lot of people in the community who appear to be honest, however will spit lies out when it suits them, from I'm looking for a little (just want to get themselves off), distance is too much, It doesn't matter, its not important etc. Points which you later find out is just not the truth, Would it not be be honest?

 

 

I'm already cautious about talking to other people on here and other platforms, but it is just making me close off more, which in turn is making me sad that I will never talk or even meet other like minded people in the community. 

 

 

So my question for all you lovely people is how do you find it out there in the big world of the internet? Do you find communication a one way street? Do you find that others are not honest? or use lies to suit them and then hide behind them?

 

Are you finding it all a bit disheartening? 

 

x

 

PS I know that we are online and can be who we want to be, and hide behind screens but when your trying to build relationships, friend or sexual, I find this a poor excuse 

[PapaGrayWolf]

This is a problem no matter if mainstream, fetishers, kinksters, asexuals, in short, whomever.

 

Caution is so important but cutting yourself off isn't the answer either. . . unless you want to be a hermit.

[MJA78]

I try to be as honest as I can be but you cant really know someone until you actually meet them face to face. You can go head over heels texting each other I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but then when you finally meet in person, you will then realize that uhhh this one isn't for me... I am highly sensitive so I can pick up peoples vibes quite easily. I am drawn to certain people and I'm repelled to others. Something to keep in mind.

[DaddysMonkey]

I don’t believe this is a community problem , it’s a person problem.

 

The wonderful thing about the internet , is we can walk away from it. We can block people , we can turn off our phones and computers and walk away , people can delete an account 20 times and re make one again to be a new person.

 

I personally don’t find the internet very difficult or troubling in the way you’re describing. If someone acts weird , or if I catch them in lies I will simply remove or block someone. The people that make multiple accounts , or delete and make new ones to “get away” from drama they caused , to run away from specific people usually aren’t very slick and are easy to spot.

Of course this is the internet so it’s easy for people to embellish parts of their lives. They can make it seem like they are the person they wish to be and not who they truly are. If you are an attentive person , warning signs for people who can be dishonest and toxic are easy to find.

 

It can be disheartening, of course. I’ve lost plenty of people on this site and on the internet in general who I thought were my friends. I’m sure it’s because of my own issues , but hell I even still have people I consider friends / acquaintances that I’m suspicious of and I still feel as though I’m not really treated well by them. Eventually people show their true colors and ultimately it’s your choice to let them stay in your life or not. Because like above stated , this is the internet. You choose the people around you.

 

Which leads me to the relationship aspect , I personally don’t believe it’s healthy to start saying “I love you” and talking about marriage and serious future plans before meeting someone. Especially sexual talk or sending sexual pictures. With how the internet and world is these days , for all you know you’re telling some 50 something year old neck beard in his moms basement you love them. (Nothing wrong with 50 year olds ) I believe that you can be infatuated with someone , but until you spend copious amounts of time with someone in person , you’ll never know if you love them. What if they chew like a fuckin cow and it drives you crazy ? Does that mean you lied when you said you liked them ? No , but you really don’t like their fuckin cow mouth so now you feel differently.

 

With anything on the internet, my best advice is to just keep your guard up , don’t trust too easily , and for the love of god don’t get into a “relationship” within weeks of knowing someone.

 

Sorry , I often reply to posts when I am up early in the AM and can ramble.

Best of luck on your journey here ~

Edited December 17, 2020 by DaddysMonkey

[MJA78]

Well said.

[Holly.lea]

Thank you for the reply. All of you.

 

I think I just needed to vent over a few things, you know when you see something and it's the icing on the cake.

 

But thank you for replying it has helped x

[Guest liljeannie]

I dislike when people are not honest or put on a facade while online. I've had my dealings with a few of those. I know what you mean, it can get disheartening.

First and foremost, I'm on here for me. Yes I want friends and maybe in the future a caregiver. My main focus is, I'm on here to learn about the dynamic more and about understanding my middle me.

[MJA78]

It seems honesty is a rare trait these days. My problem is I try to be as honest as I possibly can but I expect others to be the same which is near impossible.