My daddy left me..

[Gabboo]

Realize your self esteem challenges likely come from being mistreated as a child and internalizing it as your self-worth. Just because you weren't treated as the most precious human on the planet doesn't mean you aren't. Maybe they were just too blind to see it and you decided to adopt their blindness.

 

And also realize that the way someone acts is simply a reflection of how they feel about themselves in the moment and has nothing to do with you.

I really appreciate this <3

[Gabboo]

Realize your self esteem challenges likely come from being mistreated as a child and internalizing it as your self-worth. Just because you weren't treated as the most precious human on the planet doesn't mean you aren't. Maybe they were just too blind to see it and you decided to adopt their blindness.

 

And also realize that the way someone acts is simply a reflection of how they feel about themselves in the moment and has nothing to do with you.

and yeah,when I was a child I was treated horribly by my parents..they tossed me to the side while my sister had all the love and affection,I had no emotional support or anything,so yeah I'm pretty down on myself

[MJA78]

Gabboo, Best of wishes. I hope everything works out in your favor. We all have our own challenges to deal with. Take care of yourself sweetie.

[Gabboo]

Tough love incoming...

 

You mentioned having an abusive father. Assuming he's your biological father and the abuse isn't new, that creates feelings of "not enough" which sets you up for co-dependent relationships and seeking validation from other people. Are you a people-pleaser? Do you generally seek approval from others? Do you feel the need to make others happy and put their needs first?

 

It's not easy to hear, but it's true: You get what you tolerate in life. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. The only reason you're conflicted over your "daddy" is because you don't yet have enough self-respect and self-esteem to realize you deserve better. And you do deserve better. Everybody deserves better than what you've gone through.

 

If you don't feel you do deserve better, ask yourself why that is? And if you don't feel you possess the qualities and characteristics of someone who deserves better, then figure out what those qualities and characteristics are that you feel someone who deserves better has, and then work on yourself until you have them. You can recreate yourself however you wish, you simply have to believe that you can.

 

Your past does not have to determine your future. You can create whatever you want. You can go from having nothing to having everything you want in life. You simply have to believe you can. If you believe it, you will take the actions to achieve it. And then you'll have it. You're stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for, I guarantee it.

 

All pain is temporary. It may not seem like it in the moment, but it is. This too shall pass.

I was in fact a people pleaser..I tried anything so someone would just stay..and yes,it's my biological father who is abusive..and no,it's not new,it was my entire 29 year life,as the rest of my family jumped in to make me feel like garbage,or stood by and acted like I was crazy when I wanted help, or that it was all my fault.. I grew up with absolutely nothing..no friends,no family,nothing

Edited December 11, 2020 by Gabboo

[Gabboo]

I don't remember if I said this,but this isn't the first time he did this..the first time was when he went to jail the first time,then ended up coming back around a week later...sorry my memory is not great

[Gabboo]

and we are still sharing a phone bill

[tall_dark_handsome]

and we are still sharing a phone bill

It's a simple enough process to close the account and port your number over to a new carrier. He doesn't need a phone in jail.

[tall_dark_handsome]

I was in fact a people pleaser..I tried anything so someone would just stay..and yes,it's my biological father who is abusive..and no,it's not new,it was my entire 29 year life,as the rest of my family jumped in to make me feel like garbage,or stood by and acted like I was crazy when I wanted help, or that it was all my fault.. I grew up with absolutely nothing..no friends,no family,nothing

Absolutely nothing?

[Gabboo]

Absolutely nothing?

absolutely nothing

[Gabboo]

Absolutely nothing?

still have no friends,too nervous to make any

[tall_dark_handsome]

absolutely nothing

Come on now. Absolutely nothing means no food, no shelter, no clothing, no money, nothing. You survived this far and have an internet connection to post here so clearly there was something.

Edited December 12, 2020 by tall_dark_handsome

[MJA78]

Gabboo I sent you a friend request. You have no reason to be nervous, just be casual and speak your mind. I promise I wont judge you. Its your choice, you are in control of the situation. I am willing to listen if you are willing to talk. 

[Gabboo]

Come on now. Absolutely nothing means no food, no shelter, no clothing, no money, nothing. You survived this far and have an internet connection to post here so clearly there was something.

that is not what I meant at all. Emotional support is nothing,I was hardly fed, I was beaten,I was kicked out a ton,so that was pretty ignorant

[Gabboo]

and my father hardly bought food,I had to lie to get foodstamps because my father didnt bother to buy food.

[Gabboo]

Absolutely nothing?

just because I might had a little of that doesn't mean I had a healthy amount. I had to go to friends houses for food..and really,I did not ask them to give birth to me so excuse me for needing the sinple necessities

[PervertedBabysitter]

Oh no

[tall_dark_handsome]

just because I might had a little of that doesn't mean I had a healthy amount. I had to go to friends houses for food..and really,I did not ask them to give birth to me so excuse me for needing the sinple necessities

Of course you have a right to need the basic necessities. I would never suggest otherwise. I was trying to get you to focus on the things you did have rather than the things you didn't. Have you ever heard of the Law of Attraction?

 

Whatever you focus on, you get more of it. So if you focus on the troubles you've had in life and the way people have done you wrong, that's what you'll see. Every human's brain operates this way so it's not just you. Your attention is like a flashlight... whatever you shine it on is what you get. Point your attention to bad stuff, you get more bad stuff. Point your attention to good stuff, you get more good stuff.

 

If you focus on the things you do have, the gifts you do possess, the talents you can use to change yourself and your situation, then you'll get more of that. Make sense?

 

You obviously possess toughness and resiliency to have gone through all that and be able to tell the tale. You lied to get food stamps so that shows creativity and resourcefulness. See where I'm going with this? You have talents and abilities you're not seeing because you're focusing your attention on the negative stuff.

 

So now that we've gotten more specific about what you meant by "absolutely nothing", we can dig into that. You said you had no emotional support, then you said you had some (not as much as you should have, but more than none). You said you had no friends, but later that you had to go to friends' houses for food. My point here is that because the tendency is to focus on the negative, that's what takes over your view of the world and you don't notice the things you did have. I'm not suggesting that you had everything you needed because clearly you didn't, but if you can focus on the things you did and do have, few though they may be, rather than the things you didn't, your happiness will immediately begin to improve. Try it. Take 5 minutes and practice being grateful for the tiniest things you can think of. Make a list. I promise you'll feel better.

 

When you can shift your focus from thinking things have happened TO you, to feeling that everything is happening FOR you (so you can learn and grow), you will have achieved a major accomplishment. As long as you're a victim of the things that other people have done, you will never be fully in control of your own life. There is a connection between our feeling of control over our lives and our happiness. Therefore, when things aren't the way you expect them to be, you're unhappy. When you can accept things as they are and live in this current moment without pain over the past and worry over the future, you will be happy.

 

Consider this: The reason you chose your "daddy" was because of how you were treated by your own father. You were literally programmed like a computer to make that choice by the way your father acted. You never had his approval so you seek out approval from other father figures. He acted like you weren't good enough or not worthy so when you were too young to know better and you had no other frame of reference, you decided to believe it. It's not true, I think you know it's not true, and I'm guessing you're frustrated because you don't understand why these things keep happening because you deserve better.

 

Am I way off or is this making sense?

Edited December 12, 2020 by tall_dark_handsome