My daddy left me..

[Gabboo]

We've been together 2 years,and were very happy. We were engaged and talking about marriage,but also the  entire time we had money issues,and were homeless on and off..I stuck by him the entire time,and he claimed he wanted to show me that he would never leave even during hard times,the last time we got homeless,he sent me back down to my abusive father until he could get above water..recently he was told by a probation officer he needed to turn himself in for at least 60 days,but then he dumped me,at the same time telling me he loves me and does want me to come home..I'm so confused and hurt..Please help

[PapaGrayWolf]

I have some thoughts but I'm sure you won't like them.  Shall I express them or keep them to myself?

 

Michael

[Gabboo]

I have some thoughts but I'm sure you won't like them.  Shall I express them or keep them to myself?

 

Michael

express them please

[Gabboo]

I'm only so confused and hurt..I am always crying and wondering why

[Alaskan Daddy]

First of all let me tell you sorry I am for the pain you feel in your heart. After reading your posting I feel your daddy cares a lot about you and I feel he also has lots of love for you. I feel he may be giving you mixed signals about how he wants you in his life. I feel you need to have an adult conversation and as him to tell you what kind of relationship he wants from you if any. You deserve that much from him. As to why he did what he did I don't have an answer. But if you look at all the struggles he is going through I am sure he feels that he cannot handle the pressure of being homeless, and having legals problems and having a loving relationship. The hardest thing for most men especially daddy's is to lean on their partner when times are tough. I  feel that if he was to lean on you, that you and him could make it through these tough times. The only advice I can give you is to try and see what he wants from you and that might give you some clarity. As far as the pain you are feeling in your heart the only thing that works for me is to let it pass through you. The pain you are feeling is the strong love you have for your daddy and the thoughts of him not being in your life anymore. It can take a while for that pain to pass through, but the love you feel for him will always stay.  I hope this helps a little bit

Edited December 11, 2020 by Alaskan Daddy

[tall_dark_handsome]

I can see what's going on here, and I can also give you some concrete steps you can take to get where you want to go. But it's gonna take some tough love.

[Gabboo]

First of all let me tell you sorry I am for the pain you feel in your heart. After reading your posting I feel your daddy cares a lot about you and I feel he also has lots of love for you. I feel he may be giving you mixed signals about how he wants you in his life. I feel you need to have an adult conversation and as him to tell you what kind of relationship he wants from you if any. You deserve that much from him. As to why he did what he did I don't have an answer. But if you look at all the struggles he is going through I am sure he feels that he cannot handle the pressure of being homeless, and having legals problems and having a loving relationship. The hardest thing for most men especially daddy's is to lean on their partner when times are tough. I  feel that if he was to lean on you, that you and him could make it through these tough times. The only advice I can give you is to try and see what he wants from you and that might give you some clarity. As far as the pain you are feeling in your heart the only thing that works for me is to let it pass through you. The pain you are feeling is the strong love you have for your daddy and the thoughts of him not being in your life anymore. It can take a while for that pain to pass through, but the love you feel for him will always stay.  I hope this helps a little bit

he blocked my phone number though

[Gabboo]

I can see what's going on here, and I can also give you some concrete steps you can take to get where you want to go. But it's gonna take some tough loyes please

yes please

[Gabboo]

I mean,am I silly for thinking he will come back?

[Gabboo]

it was our second year anniversary too..and what really confused me is earlier that same day he said he loved me bunches..I'm so confused I don't know what to do

[Gabboo]

sorry for all the baggage y'all

[Alaskan Daddy]

I would not put much stock in what he says or has said. I would look at his actions. His actions should tell you everything you need to know about how he is respecting you as his partner. Do you feel that he is respecting you as his partner by leaving you and blocking your number? And even if he does ask you to come back to you do you think you can trust him not to do something like this the next time things get rough. Please remember that your feelings matter and you need to be respected as a person

[Gabboo]

I would not put much stock in what he says or has said. I would look at his actions. His actions should tell you everything you need to know about how he is respecting you as his partner. Do you feel that he is respecting you as his partner by leaving you and blocking your number? And even if he does ask you to come back to you do you think you can trust him not to do something like this the next time things get rough. Please remember that your feelings matter and you need to be respected as a person

thank you <3

[Gabboo]

I would not put much stock in what he says or has said. I would look at his actions. His actions should tell you everything you need to know about how he is respecting you as his partner. Do you feel that he is respecting you as his partner by leaving you and blocking your number? And even if he does ask you to come back to you do you think you can trust him not to do something like this the next time things get rough. Please remember that your feelings matter and you need to be respected as a person

I mean..I dunno..he went to jail before,did the same thing..but came back around a week later..

[Gabboo]

I would not put much stock in what he says or has said. I would look at his actions. His actions should tell you everything you need to know about how he is respecting you as his partner. Do you feel that he is respecting you as his partner by leaving you and blocking your number? And even if he does ask you to come back to you do you think you can trust him not to do something like this the next time things get rough. Please remember that your feelings matter and you need to be respected as a person

so since this is the second time,I wouldn't to be honest

[Gabboo]

I would not put much stock in what he says or has said. I would look at his actions. His actions should tell you everything you need to know about how he is respecting you as his partner. Do you feel that he is respecting you as his partner by leaving you and blocking your number? And even if he does ask you to come back to you do you think you can trust him not to do something like this the next time things get rough. Please remember that your feelings matter and you need to be respected as a person

and since it was like 3 days ago he probably will pop back up,which i wouldnt know what to think if he did

[tall_dark_handsome]

I mean,am I silly for thinking he will come back?

No, you're being silly for hoping he will come back. You deserve better, and you also need to do some work on yourself until you believe it.

[tall_dark_handsome]

it was our second year anniversary too..and what really confused me is earlier that same day he said he loved me bunches..I'm so confused I don't know what to do

Loving someone doesn't prevent hurting them.

[Gabboo]

It might be helpful for me to add he was killing himself working 2 jobs with very little or absolutely no sleep..and that no sleep going on for 3 months..he always had insomnia,but it seemed to have gotten worse

[Gabboo]

No, you're being silly for hoping he will come back. You deserve better, and you also need to do some work on yourself until you believe it.

yeah,I should..my self esteem was always crap anyway

[Gabboo]

thank you all for replying to me

[tall_dark_handsome]

Tough love incoming...

 

You mentioned having an abusive father. Assuming he's your biological father and the abuse isn't new, that creates feelings of "not enough" which sets you up for co-dependent relationships and seeking validation from other people. Are you a people-pleaser? Do you generally seek approval from others? Do you feel the need to make others happy and put their needs first?

 

It's not easy to hear, but it's true: You get what you tolerate in life. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. The only reason you're conflicted over your "daddy" is because you don't yet have enough self-respect and self-esteem to realize you deserve better. And you do deserve better. Everybody deserves better than what you've gone through.

 

If you don't feel you do deserve better, ask yourself why that is? And if you don't feel you possess the qualities and characteristics of someone who deserves better, then figure out what those qualities and characteristics are that you feel someone who deserves better has, and then work on yourself until you have them. You can recreate yourself however you wish, you simply have to believe that you can.

 

Your past does not have to determine your future. You can create whatever you want. You can go from having nothing to having everything you want in life. You simply have to believe you can. If you believe it, you will take the actions to achieve it. And then you'll have it. You're stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for, I guarantee it.

 

All pain is temporary. It may not seem like it in the moment, but it is. This too shall pass.

[tall_dark_handsome]

It might be helpful for me to add he was killing himself working 2 jobs with very little or absolutely no sleep..and that no sleep going on for 3 months..he always had insomnia,but it seemed to have gotten worse

Totally understand being exhausted working 2 jobs, insomnia, etc. can be challenging. BUT we're still responsible for our actions. You're making excuses for inexcusable behavior. You deserve better.

[tall_dark_handsome]

yeah,I should..my self esteem was always crap anyway

Realize your self esteem challenges likely come from being mistreated as a child and internalizing it as your self-worth. Just because you weren't treated as the most precious human on the planet doesn't mean you aren't. Maybe they were just too blind to see it and you decided to adopt their blindness.

 

And also realize that the way someone acts is simply a reflection of how they feel about themselves in the moment and has nothing to do with you.

[Gabboo]

Loving someone doesn't prevent hurting them.

thank you for your wisdom <3