Wanting to be everyone's big sister, but I can't

[LittleTeacup]

Hello everyone!

 

I'm very much a little girl, but I have a caring big sister side too and I just gotta say that whenever I see lonely littles out there I just want to take care of you all and help you all feel good about yourselves. That sad fact though is I can't do it. It's hard enough taking care of myself! And I have some friends who are my priority when it comes to my emotional energy.

 

Please tell me I'm not alone in this conflict! If I had endless energy I would adopt you all and we could live in a big house and I'd make sure everyone was loved and cared for.  But alas, I'd soon be exhausted and cry needing someone to take care of me.

 

-Teacup

[Kitten&Spice]

I sadly have the exact same problem! For awhile I would try to fill in for littles that needed some kind of care and I always felt so sad seeing littles without someone to care for them. I had to eventually learn that I couldn’t really handle the role emotionally. Even though deep down I wanted to care for everyone I had to eventually put myself first and learn that if I want to help littles I must first find a daddy or caregiver that I can recharge my little energy with! And when I can do that then I can finally help out littles the way that they need to be helped out with!

[baby_k]

Not so much here but in real life with vanilla people. It also feels rather exhausting to be always the caregiver to people around me, and sometimes I just wish someone would look after me too. Of course I have people around me who care for me and help me also but still.

 

But I also feel that taking care of others can be a resource. It makes me feel strong, I can more easily fight for justice and so on as I'm doing that for others. I'm not at all afraid when I try to defend others where as doing it just for me would be hard. That makes me better person, I can stand a  lot more things, not be affected, keep myself cool and collected. I achieve a lot more, and I feel good about myself for doing those things. At work and freetime I feel happy to do things for others. Just sometimes it's too much or people start to be too needy or demanding.

 

I think it is the balance one needs to find. To look after themselves but also others. How to do that, I do not know.

 

Being a little may make this strugge harder as the need to be looked after maybe stronger than maybe it otherwise would be. But those needs are also pretty human.

[Guest liljeannie]

That's really awesome that you feel that way. You have a lot of empathy and any empath can get overloaded easily by everyone's emotions. You have a desire to help others and that is a wonderful thing in moderation. It's ok to take care of yourself and limit what you do for others so you don't end up with compassion fatigue. I learned that the hard way.

[Tasherz]

Hey! You are definitely not alone in this!! if you ever need someone to chat with don't hesitate to reach out! Even big sisters sometimes need a big sister!! 

[LittleTeacup]

Thank you everybody! I'm glad to not be alone

 

I sadly have the exact same problem! For awhile I would try to fill in for littles that needed some kind of care and I always felt so sad seeing littles without someone to care for them. I had to eventually learn that I couldn’t really handle the role emotionally. Even though deep down I wanted to care for everyone I had to eventually put myself first and learn that if I want to help littles I must first find a daddy or caregiver that I can recharge my little energy with! And when I can do that then I can finally help out littles the way that they need to be helped out with!

 

I don't really know other littles in real life, but I keep making friends with younger people and then I try really hard to give advice and reassure them all the time. I think I try to give other people things that I wish I had. It'd be super nice to have a caregiver someday, but I suck at finding relationships unfortunately.

 

Not so much here but in real life with vanilla people. It also feels rather exhausting to be always the caregiver to people around me, and sometimes I just wish someone would look after me too. Of course I have people around me who care for me and help me also but still.

 

But I also feel that taking care of others can be a resource. It makes me feel strong, I can more easily fight for justice and so on as I'm doing that for others. I'm not at all afraid when I try to defend others where as doing it just for me would be hard. That makes me better person, I can stand a  lot more things, not be affected, keep myself cool and collected. I achieve a lot more, and I feel good about myself for doing those things. At work and freetime I feel happy to do things for others. Just sometimes it's too much or people start to be too needy or demanding.

 

I think it is the balance one needs to find. To look after themselves but also others. How to do that, I do not know.

 

Being a little may make this strugge harder as the need to be looked after maybe stronger than maybe it otherwise would be. But those needs are also pretty human.

 

It's everybody who's upset or struggling with something, here and in the vanilla world. I'm currently only giving emotional care to online friends because none of my in real life friends need help. I like feeling needed by people, and when I can calm someone's breakdown or give them school/job advice I feel like I made the world a better place instead of being a drain on society. What kind of person would I be if I saw someone's suffering and just ignored it? To be honest, I often get mad at myself when I'm overwhelmed because it's not like I'm helping that many people. And I live with my parents so I have dinner made for me and no rent payments to make. I made a difference to a lot of people at my job last year, but I got laid off in March because it relied on schools bringing kids on field trips and they all got canceled. I taught environmental education. It felt good to teach kids new skills.

 

Maybe it's just that I always imagine taking care of others completely one-sidedly and never include a caregiver in there. It's just me doing everything in my mind. And I'm terrible at taking care of myself.

 

That's really awesome that you feel that way. You have a lot of empathy and any empath can get overloaded easily by everyone's emotions. You have a desire to help others and that is a wonderful thing in moderation. It's ok to take care of yourself and limit what you do for others so you don't end up with compassion fatigue. I learned that the hard way.

 

I feel really bad when I can't help someone. I even see dozens of donation requests from nonprofits I like and I feel bad for not donating despite not having much myself. I don't wanna be selfish. I never thought I had that much empathy because I don't understand emotions that well. I don't think I take care of myself that well although I try. My ability to help is much lower than my desire and it makes me upset. I feel good when I can advise a friend. I just want to do that more. Thanks for saying my desire to help is wonderful.

 

Hey! You are definitely not alone in this!! if you ever need someone to chat with don't hesitate to reach out! Even big sisters sometimes need a big sister!! 

 

Thank you. I'll try ;-; You're very kind.