Conversing About Important Matters the Right Way

[LittleKitty666]

I just told my Daddy about my emotions sometimes being all jumbled up and I also told him that it might be because I haven't taken my anti-depressants. He told me that we aren't going to be meeting up until I take them for a week and that there will be no negotiations. I understand that my mental health is important but they make me feel like a different person and I told him that. After he said that he said goodnight to me and ended the conversation there. I still haven't told him about my biggest fear and my problem with being needy and wanting attention. Nor have I told him other things that have happened in the past and about the other mental problems I have. I need some help figuring out how to talk about these things in a serious manner.

[Alaskan Daddy]

thank you for sharing some really hard stuff.  The hardest thing any of us can do is to share any struggles we have or have had with the ones we love. There is always a fear of rejection. It sounds like your daddy cares about you and your struggles and that he loves you with out conditions. This may be your biggest test of the love your daddy has for you. The only way you will ever know if your relationship with your daddy will ever last is if he knows about who you are and what you struggle with. In my opinion the best way to do it is through a phone call or video chat. I don't feel you need to tell him everything at once. Tell him you have some important big girl things you need to share with him over a period of time. Let him know that you want to share these things in an adult conversation not as 'daddy-little'. Let him know that you are scared to share these things and tell him why. Ask him in advance not to be upset with what you want to share with him. Ask him to promise to not be upset. Only you know if you can trust him with the things you want to tell him. It sounds like your daddy loves and cares about you and knows that the more he knows about you and your struggles the better he can care for you.

I know this is very hard for you and I can tell you are struggling with it in your heart. I also know that you feel much better after you talk to him about these things.  I hope this helps you to figure things out.  Good Luck

[LittleKitty666]

thank you for sharing some really hard stuff.  The hardest thing any of us can do is to share any struggles we have or have had with the ones we love. There is always a fear of rejection. It sounds like your daddy cares about you and your struggles and that he loves you with out conditions. This may be your biggest test of the love your daddy has for you. The only way you will ever know if your relationship with your daddy will ever last is if he knows about who you are and what you struggle with. In my opinion the best way to do it is through a phone call or video chat. I don't feel you need to tell him everything at once. Tell him you have some important big girl things you need to share with him over a period of time. Let him know that you want to share these things in an adult conversation not as 'daddy-little'. Let him know that you are scared to share these things and tell him why. Ask him in advance not to be upset with what you want to share with him. Ask him to promise to not be upset. Only you know if you can trust him with the things you want to tell him. It sounds like your daddy loves and cares about you and knows that the more he knows about you and your struggles the better he can care for you.

I know this is very hard for you and I can tell you are struggling with it in your heart. I also know that you feel much better after you talk to him about these things.  I hope this helps you to figure things out.  Good Luck

Thank you for the advice. I'll be sure to try and talk to him about it when I'm at the college today. He doesn't work today so it will be easier to hold a conversation.

[maddycakes]

Okay, first I'm just gonna disclaimer and state that if you are going off your meds, that is something to be discussed with your doctor, not your daddy (I mean, preferably both, but definitely your doctor! especially if you feel like your meds aren't working or you need to try a different kind). 

 

Now, with that out of the way, I'm assuming here that you have not specifically given your daddy power over your medical decisions/had a discussion with him about taking care of your health and medications (if you have, this is kind of a moot point ). It is important in any power exchange relationship to determine what areas of your life you are going to leave totally up to your dom/cg. Your health is a really personal thing, and it is not fair of your daddy to demand you take your meds if you are feeling like they need to be changed or you are in the process of working them out with your psychiatrist (unless you told him you want him to do that). It is definitely helpful to have a daddy who reminds you to take your meds and empowers you to live a healthier lifestyle, but that is something that should be negotiated, and if it is not something you want your daddy to have control over, that is totally fine. You are still a full person who is an adult, and it is very reasonable to keep some decisions about your life for your adult self to make. Of course, if you do want your daddy to make these decisions or have a limited amount of control over them that is okay too, but it is important to negotiate exactly what you want/what would make you feel most comfortable so there is no confusion on his part about what his responsibilities are in terms of your health. If y'all haven't discussed it, he may be going off of sources on the internet (pretty much all lists of rules I have seen include some variant of "the little must take their meds"). 

 

I agree with Alaskan Daddy that the best way to discuss this would be to specifically state that you want to have an adult conversation as equals. Again, I don't know your specific situation and dynamic, but if this works within your existing dynamic it would be the best way to communicate that this is a serious discussion and he does not have total control of the outcome. 

 

I wish I had some good sources on negotiation to provide for you, but unfortunately most sources I have found only talk about scene negotiation, even though relationship/power exchange negotiation is arguably more important If anyone else who reads this has good sources please link them!!

[LittleKitty666]

Okay, first I'm just gonna disclaimer and state that if you are going off your meds, that is something to be discussed with your doctor, not your daddy (I mean, preferably both, but definitely your doctor! especially if you feel like your meds aren't working or you need to try a different kind). 

 

Now, with that out of the way, I'm assuming here that you have not specifically given your daddy power over your medical decisions/had a discussion with him about taking care of your health and medications (if you have, this is kind of a moot point ). It is important in any power exchange relationship to determine what areas of your life you are going to leave totally up to your dom/cg. Your health is a really personal thing, and it is not fair of your daddy to demand you take your meds if you are feeling like they need to be changed or you are in the process of working them out with your psychiatrist (unless you told him you want him to do that). It is definitely helpful to have a daddy who reminds you to take your meds and empowers you to live a healthier lifestyle, but that is something that should be negotiated, and if it is not something you want your daddy to have control over, that is totally fine. You are still a full person who is an adult, and it is very reasonable to keep some decisions about your life for your adult self to make. Of course, if you do want your daddy to make these decisions or have a limited amount of control over them that is okay too, but it is important to negotiate exactly what you want/what would make you feel most comfortable so there is no confusion on his part about what his responsibilities are in terms of your health. If y'all haven't discussed it, he may be going off of sources on the internet (pretty much all lists of rules I have seen include some variant of "the little must take their meds"). 

 

I agree with Alaskan Daddy that the best way to discuss this would be to specifically state that you want to have an adult conversation as equals. Again, I don't know your specific situation and dynamic, but if this works within your existing dynamic it would be the best way to communicate that this is a serious discussion and he does not have total control of the outcome. 

 

I wish I had some good sources on negotiation to provide for you, but unfortunately most sources I have found only talk about scene negotiation, even though relationship/power exchange negotiation is arguably more important If anyone else who reads this has good sources please link them!!

We have not really discussed a lot of things since this is a new relationship. I've told him before about me taking meds and he never said anything. This is the first time he's said anything. After he told me goodnight I said that I was getting off of my meds. But I'll talk to him more about it today. Thank you for the advice.

[maddycakes]

We have not really discussed a lot of things since this is a new relationship. I've told him before about me taking meds and he never said anything. This is the first time he's said anything. After he told me goodnight I said that I was getting off of my meds. But I'll talk to him more about it today. Thank you for the advice.

Ahh, I understand. It can be weird getting into the groove of a new relationship, but it sounds like you are off to a good start, just keep driving towards open and honest communication Good luck! 

[Kitten&Spice]

I can completely understand with what you mean by the way the antidepressants make you feel. I hated that it always seemed to make me dull and numb and I just couldn’t ever be myself when I took them. It took me several years; 5 years to be exact, to finally develop some good coping skills and ways of being able to over come things when the days are the worst. I also found a lot of the problems thanks to an amazing therapist and being able to finally get out on my own and think for myself helped a lot. So if it is something you want to consider I would talk to your therapist to maybe see if that is something possible for you. You may even be able to work your way up to having lower dosages or have them as needed. But I can’t really say for certain as to the best option and only a professional can do that; especially your doctor.

 

If I were you I would talk to your doctor first and then have a conversation about what would be best for you and how else he can help. Maybe if he sends you a reminder around the same time each day or to check in. But it would probably be best to have a conversation with him about your feelings and everything that should be mentioned. And if there is any triggers or anything it is good to be vocal so it can be avoided next time.

 

I think what has been said by everyone else is wonderful and I just thought I could add a bit more!