Cheating on your little

[DaddyZackie]

I made a big mistake a while ago and I need a lot of help. I had some videos in my phone that were not very family friendly and they were of other girls. This incident has almost ruined our relationship and I just want to know from more experienced dons how to make it up to my little after hurting her like that?

[Little kaiya]

Sounds like you need to have an adult to adult conversation outside if the DDlg dynamic. There are times for Dom/little conversations but this isn't one if them. Both of you should consider sitting down, explaining your perspectives and feelings and determining together the appropriate steps, whatever they may be.

[Kitten&Spice]

First things first I agree that there should be an adult to adult conversation. You should also do some self evaluation and understand as to why you would do that. I don’t want to come off as being rude but when it comes to cheating it is hard for me to sympathize. I think that you should take to understand why you would do it? Will this be something that will happen again? What is it that you really feel towards your little? I truly don’t believe that if you were willing to cheat that there is not really any love or connection there at all. However that is just my understanding on that and what I perceive.

 

If I were you I would work long and hard as to what drew you to do said “cheating” and what you need to do to prevent it from happening again in the future. There will definitely be more challenges and more effort that should be given in order to gain your littles trust back and know that there more then likely might not be another chance given if one is given at all. If I were you I would remove those videos, and prove to her that it won’t happen again. But this is something you should decide to either learn from or allow to be something that will split you both up. Again I don’t want to sound harsh in anyway but if you have those kind of things do you really love and care for your little the way you initially thought or is there another reason as to why you did it?

 

I hope that you are able to take this time to evaluate your emotions and better understand your own intentions! Then you can finally work towards a better future and hopefully things can work out in the future! Good luck

[ScarletBaby]

Sounds like you need to have an adult to adult conversation outside if the DDlg dynamic. There are times for Dom/little conversations but this isn't one if them. Both of you should consider sitting down, explaining your perspectives and feelings and determining together the appropriate steps, whatever they may be.

Little Kaiya is completely right. You need to sit down and talk about it outside of your dynamic. Once you do that, making it up to her will be easy when you ask her. If she needs lots of reassurance as a Little then you need to give it to her obviously, and same for if she just needs to know your attention is on her. No matter what though, a healthy relationship requires communication and you definitely need to communicate outside of the dynamic for something that seems to have hurt your partner a lot. Fights and hurt feelings need to be talked out and left out of the dynamic. You can bring them back in once the resolution comes from talking.

[DaddysMonkey]

I feel like a lot of this depends on your little , and if it was just generic porn on your phone ... or if it was females you are “friends” with and created emotional bonds on either side.

 

Everyone is unique and would react differently. My point of view :

 

I would’ve dumped you immediately. As Catboy said above , if you cheated do you really love her ? Being in a poly dynamic where everyone is honest and knows everything is completely different than blatantly cheating on a partner. Do you feel that you need a poly dynamic ? Is that a possibility as to why you cheated ?

 

I agree with all above stated , that you two should step outside of your dynamic and have a serious conversation. How would you have felt if she had a bunch of giant dick pictures in her phone ? Ripped dudes that look better than you according to society ? I ask these questions because most females can never let cheating go , even if they say they do. There’s always a constant thought of “Why is he looking elsewhere ? Am I too fat ? Am I too skinny ? Are my boobs not right ? Is my vagina not right ?” Ect.

 

As someone that’s been cheated on before , and done both stay and tried to work it out , and just left.... I can’t imagine staying without having resentment. If you guys do try to work this out , you need to be prepared for a lot of resentment. In my opinion you can’t “make it up” after cheating. The damage is done.

 

I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

[Frog]

I can't add a lot. I've been cheated on, and I walked out. We had agreed to be monogamous, and she broke my trust.

 

Even if you didn't think it was cheating (random porn), the issue is that to her you cheated. So at least you admit you cheated. If you two try to work things out, it's going to be a long before you're trustworthy. In that case, keep in mind that at no point will you deserve her trust. If she gets it back it's on her timeline, not yours.

 

I don't dislike you, but I'm not going to apologize for anything that sounds harsh.

[AsleepAndDreaming]

I made a big mistake a while ago and I need a lot of help. I had some videos in my phone that were not very family friendly and they were of other girls. This incident has almost ruined our relationship and I just want to know from more experienced dons how to make it up to my little after hurting her like that?

 

In order for anyone to answer your question, you really need to provide more specific details. You say you had videos of other girls, but did you know these girls? Had you met them? Or was it mainstream pornography? There's an enormous difference between videos of girls you had been chatting to online and videos from readily available pornography. 

 

If these were videos of girls you knew, maybe you need to ask yourself why. Why did you choose to engage in conduct that you knew would hurt your partner if she found out? Why did you make a conscious decision to do something that you know is wrong?

 

If we presume you did cheat on her, and she has found out, and yet she has not ended your relationship, then she has almost certainly stayed with you for the wrong reasons - insecurity, lack of self-esteem, fear of being alone, or a misguided belief that you won't do it again. In all probability, the trust in your relationship has gone, and you should do the decent thing and end it. She'll thank you for it one day. 

 

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh - in my experience (and I've been on the wrong end of this a couple of times) your relationship is very unlikely to work. Even if you have "the talk", what is left unsaid is likely to fester in the background.