is age gap a problem?

[snowwhitebunny]

hey!!

me and my daddy have a 15 y/o gap we are young now but what concerns me is the future

 

he mentioned many times that he wants a life-time partner but sometimes i feel that i'm still exploring?

im not cheating and i will never do but hearing him say "life time prtner" kinda makes me worried

 

are we gonna stay that long together?

if he gets old is he gonna be the same? what about me?

will our age gap be a problem later?

 

i really love him but some evil thoughts in my head keeps telling me you will get bored of him : (((

 

[Little kaiya]

The thoughts you're having are totally natural, nobody can predict the future. There is a 21 year age gap between my Daddy and myself, he's actually the younger of the two of us.

 

Everybody changes over time, that's not something that is limited to people in relationships with an age gap. The best 5hing I can recommend is talk to him openly and honestly and share how you're feeling.

 

My Daddy and I celebrate 3 years next week and are still going very strong. Will one of us get bored? Who knows but I can say with certainty that IF that does happen we'll talk it through as adults then go from there.

[snowwhitebunny]

The thoughts you're having are totally natural, nobody can predict the future. There is a 21 year age gap between my Daddy and myself, he's actually the younger of the two of us.

 

Everybody changes over time, that's not something that is limited to people in relationships with an age gap. The best 5hing I can recommend is talk to him openly and honestly and share how you're feeling.

 

My Daddy and I celebrate 3 years next week and are still going very strong. Will one of us get bored? Who knows but I can say with certainty that IF that does happen we'll talk it through as adults then go from there.

actually i told him that im worried about future and he said its normal to feel like this cause its a new step in your life

but i really dont want to ask him what if i get bored of you as i think if it happens it will be mostly because of my mood swings and some of his strict rules that sometimes i find it hot and love it but the other time i hate it, dunno why tho : (

[plushprincess]

hi bunny <3,

i can understand your concerns. my daddy and i have an age gap of 16 years too. now, depending on your boths ages, it might more or less present an issue, as for a long term relationship.

BUT

the only reason that i say that is: it is not depending on your age, whether or for how long you're going to be together. it is a mental thing. if he tells you, that he is more of a long term partner, he directly communicates you his needs and wishes. now, if that doesn't really go along with your needs and wishes, you should tell him too. maybe you still have to find out, whether you want a long term relationship (yet) or not. maybe, if not, it could drive you apart a bit, maybe just for some time, before you get back together, etc.

 

you see, my point is: whether you're going to stay together for your lifetimes doesn't depend on your ages. what we can for pretty sure say is, that your partner is going to change with age(and thats a good thing). if with aging his feelings towards you change, that'd be sad, but again, i don't think, it'd be because of the aging. (really try to comprehend the disctinction between old and mature, took me a while too.... <.<). so to sum it up: i don't think your age gap is going to be a problem in your future, especially if it is not now already.

 

if you're oki with it, can i messege you private? last of your point is pretty relatable for me and i'd love to talk abt it w/ u <:

[Guest Teasing Tink]

While everyone changes, I think younger people change more dramatically than someone who is older and generally knows themselves better. But I don't really think the age gap is the issue here. It sounds like you're kind of bored of things he does *now* and perhaps are afraid to fully admit this to yourself and more directly address this with him out of some fear. It also sounds like you two want different things. He wants a long-term, committed relationship and you're still feeling unsure about this relationship and want to explore/keep your options open. Both of these things are okay, but they do conflict.

 

First of all, your thoughts aren't "evil." They are there for a reason. It's important to honor and listen to them. I would suggest being more upfront/specific with your Daddy about the things in the relationship that bore/bother you like the rule thing. Be specific. How do you feel he can accommodate or fulfill your needs when you feel bored etc.? How do you think the rule thing can be solved to make you both happy? In what ways do you want to be stimulated to prevent boredom? Can you meet some of these needs yourself? Ask yourself what you really want/need in a partner and be brutally honest with yourself. It's better to be honest and upfront about these differences/your needs and find out incompatibilities *now* rather than for it to be dragged out, out of fear. That's usually more painful. I've seen too many people just settle or not speak up in their relationships out of fear only for it to inevitably end because people can only ignore their inner guide for so long. Don't downplay your own needs/inner voice and don't allow anyone else to either. Make things clear (not vague, dancing around the topic) until that voice is fully heard.

Edited November 16, 2020 by Teasing Tink

[Guest lilchug]

It's perfectly fine for you to have such thoughts at your age, actually I think it's good that you started thinking about it. I was in a far bigger age gap relationship. I was 18 and it lasted 5.5 years. We ended up having different life goals and grew apart. One was me realizing I would like kids in the future but he'd be "too old" to be a father.  My only suggestion is to think long ahead if you can. It might still be early for you to figure out what you really want or need in life, but it wouldn't hurt to give it some thoughts! Don't be afraid to be up front and communicate these things with your Daddy. Age isn't a factor when both you have/work towards the same goals IMO only!

[snowwhitebunny]

While everyone changes, I think younger people change more dramatically than someone who is older and generally knows themselves better. But I don't really think the age gap is the issue here. It sounds like you're kind of bored of things he does *now* and perhaps are afraid to fully admit this to yourself and more directly address this with him out of some fear. It also sounds like you two want different things. He wants a long-term, committed relationship and you're still feeling unsure about this relationship and want to explore/keep your options open. Both of these things are okay, but they do conflict.

 

First of all, your thoughts aren't "evil." They are there for a reason. It's important to honor and listen to them. I would suggest being more upfront/specific with your Daddy about the things in the relationship that bore/bother you like the rule thing. Be specific. How do you feel he can accommodate or fulfill your needs when you feel bored etc.? How do you think the rule thing can be solved to make you both happy? In what ways do you want to be stimulated to prevent boredom? Can you meet some of these needs yourself? Ask yourself what you really want/need in a partner and be brutally honest with yourself. It's better to be honest and upfront about these differences/your needs and find out incompatibilities *now* rather than for it to be dragged out, out of fear. That's usually more painful. I've seen too many people just settle or not speak up in their relationships out of fear only for it to inevitably end because people can only ignore their inner guide for so long. Don't downplay your own needs/inner voice and don't allow anyone else to either. Make things clear (not vague, dancing around the topic) until that voice is fully heard.

i like hie things he does but some times i have terrible mood swings that i feel like i dont love him and the other times i wanna just stick to him all day

sometimes i feel like im bored of being a little and if he treats me like a little in that times i'll be mad, i dunno if thats normal

i decided to talk to him but as its ldr and he is so busy with his work i think "am I bothering him? does he have time for this?"

actually my biggest fear about this relationship working out or no is this: will we ever be together for real?

[snowwhitebunny]

It's perfectly fine for you to have such thoughts at your age, actually I think it's good that you started thinking about it. I was in a far bigger age gap relationship. I was 18 and it lasted 5.5 years. We ended up having different life goals and grew apart. One was me realizing I would like kids in the future but he'd be "too old" to be a father.  My only suggestion is to think long ahead if you can. It might still be early for you to figure out what you really want or need in life, but it wouldn't hurt to give it some thoughts! Don't be afraid to be up front and communicate these things with your Daddy. Age isn't a factor when both you have/work towards the same he is now 

he is 37 now and he sure has the energy and spirit of taking care of me, but will it remain like his? for how long?

i like what he is now but my biggest fear is him changing and also as we are in a ldr, are we gonna ever be together for real?

[Frog]

I think it can work. My father was almost that much older than my mother. They stayed married until my father's death.

 

This isn't directed at you, but parts can apply: I'm 49, so I'm a bit older than your Daddy. Some people are energetic and easygoing at 18. I wasn't, but I've found that as we get older we learn more about human nature. Pardon my language we don't take shit as much as we did when we were 20.

 

If he's dealing with your mood swings now, he might just keep doing that. Don't take this the wrong way, but if he doesn't know you are little that day it's not his fault. You're not wrong or bad, but it's just normal relationship communication. We're human and we all have blind spots.

 

As for you worrying if he has time and if you're bothering him... You're normal. It may be just normal everyday relationship worry. If it's debilitating you can address that. And your fear about it working out? Congratulations, you're intelligent! Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. But take that worry, know the current ldr limitations and concerns and tell him. Think of that stress as Play-Doh and squeeze it into fun cute molds.

 

You'll both change. We humans want to change and we don't want to change. Right now I have a morning glory vine growing around a tree. It's not dangerous. It's changing and wrapping around the tree. The tree is growing, giving the vine room to grow. In a few years they'll be different but are growing in different ways but still intertwined.

[Kitten&Spice]

This is a wonderful thing to ask! I agree with what plushprincess said about it really being a mental thing! People’s goals, wants, and desires are always constantly changing! Regardless of the age you will always be changing. The only important thing is knowing that with those changes you can support your partner and if they are goals that you yourself sees either being the same thing you want or you believe will desire later!

 

As for him changing that is really hard to tell. There could be something that comes up that can change him; Maybe mentally or physically. As for him being himself and his personality there is less likely of a chance of him ever changing on that! I myself work and a nursing home and even though some are older then 100 years old they are just as spunky as if they were younger! Again is more of a mental thing. And there is no guarantee for the future!

 

I know that right now you want to explore and what you can offer is that for the time being maybe he can give you some time to do so! Maybe ask about being a more open relationship or have a polyamorous relationship. However I am not too edu on I know that it is a good option for someone who is desiring more then what their partner might not be able to offer. There is options! But if you are not ready to settle down now maybe give that some time to really decide if you will be ready anytime soon or if it is something that will take a few years. And when you have decided then let him know!

 

In conclusion an age gap should never be a problem if you are both mature in your ways and that it is something mentally compatible! I know there is concern but it is completely normal to ask these questions! I know many people who have been in age gap relationships who are happily married! And many of them have amazing relationships! I hope that you find some comfort in it and that you will have your questions answered one day! Wish you nothing but the best!