Not new daddy but still need some adive

[Mildadd]

So I've been with my wife for 6 years now been married for a year, she has bipolar depression and she has ocd, she recently told me they are a regressor and needs a lot more little stuff and everything that comes with that im 100% ok with that.

So I've just worked 3 weeks straight 12 hour shifts, so I haven't been able to really spend as much time with here or do a lot of little things I do my best when I get home I take care I make sure she showers every night and ill wash her we will watch cartoons till I eventually pass out because I had a long day. She telling me those aren't little things and thats not enough for her so I get a 4 day where I'm off and it's starts off good but usually ends in her yelling at that its not a little day. Even though I wake here up I give her lots of kisses and reassurance ill make her breakfast then we will watch Saturday/ Sunday cartoons together ill hold her give her head pats throughout the day ill come up with things to do together like a tea party but something always goes wrong and she says that's not enough and I'm a terrible daddy. Honestly it feels like a lot of our life has been put on me like I'm the only financial provider in the house alot of the yard and house work falls on me. I feel selfish because I really just want a day to myself and get something done around the house or just relax for a minute but when I do I'm a bad caregiver. Am I being selfish or mean I do love taking care of my little it just feels like it can be a lot sometimes

[Little kaiya]

You aren't being selfish or mean. Caregivers are human beings too and have their own needs, desires and requirements that are every bit equally as valid as those of a little.

 

If your wife feels you aren't doing enough little things with her there is nothing that prevents her from having little time on her own. Being a caregiver doesn't mean putting your mental health at risk for your partner.

 

Little or not she is still an adult at the end of the day and is also responsible for her happiness, that's not a burden that's on your shoulders.

Edited November 16, 2020 by Little kaiya

[DerbyNerd]

It sounds like she is expecting an awful lot from you without providing you with any concrete help as to what she considers 'little enough'. I think she needs to communicate herself better, maybe she could write down a list of little space activities to help you pick. Being little doesn't exempt her from putting effort into the relationship nor does it exempt her from communication. Daddies don't read minds and littles have to be able to help communicate too. For example if I've had a stressful day I'll ask daddy to pick the movie or show we are going to watch; he can't read my mind and know if I want a little movie or big movie so I either need to tell him what I want or clarify/ask for something else if he picks something I'm not up for. For example the other week I asked him to pick but didn't specify if I wanted big or little since I didn't know how I would feel later, he suggested a big movie that we both would have enjoyed but since I was needing little time by then I asked "can you pick a little one instead" and we watched Kung Fu Panda. 

 

Also as Kaiya said it sounds like she's got ample time to do some little space things on her own. 

[Alaskan Daddy]

first as a daddy I don't find you to be selfish. I also feel some of her mental health struggles has something to do with the way she snaps at you. My advice to you is to have her give you a list of different things she wants from you that you are not doing right now to help her feel more little. I always tell any little I have had in a very kind an gentle way that she needs to tell me specifically what she wants from me at certain times. As in any relationship, we are not mind readers and at certain times we need to told specifically by our partners what is desired from us.  That is the only way for us to understand what is needed and desired from us. I would also talk with your wife and let her know what you will be doing on your time off work before hand so she can be better prepared mentally. Please don't beat yourself up. Having a partner with mental health struggles can be very difficult at times. It sounds like you are doing the very best you can to hold your marriage together. I hope my words give you comfort in some way

[Guest liljeannie]

Everyone needs down time. You're not being selfish at all to want that.

 

Perhaps some couples counseling would be good.

 

Maybe setting up some rules and a schedule for both of you would be helpful. For example: having a half hour of time when you get home from work where you both check in with each other then an hour where you both do separate activities. That would be your unwind time. After that have a daddy little time. Maybe have a sticker chart that if she does well with the hour of alone time she can earn something fun like new cloring books or a fun activity.

Communication is so important. Maybe asking her what she thinks a ddlg relationship should look like and discussing what can actually be done.

Im no expert, these are all just some thoughts.

Edited November 16, 2020 by liljeannie

[flutterling]

As a little with Bipolar I suggest that you talk about expectations. Routine is a huge thing for me and breaking that can cause a lot of problems.