Urgent, advice needed. Thank you so much ahead of time ♡

[Tinycat603]

This is complicated but I need advice (thank you ahead of time ♡)

 

THANK YOU ahead of time for taking the time to read this, this forum makes me feel part of something special and for that I’m forever thankful ♡ (so sorry for typos, I’m on mobile)

 

I never thought I would be posting on this page as I usually just read from a far, but I’m seeking advice that is just not easy to ask anybody in my close circle of friends and family.

I am in my twenties, and have identified with and enjoyed being a little for many years. I experience strong age regression and intense waves of needing to be nurtured, it’s very hard to explain. Being a little, despite it being a label of sorts, is extremely important to me and is a box that needs to be checked when I’m in a relationship with someone.

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, we live together, laugh together, he’s truly my best friend. The only issue is, I can’t show my little side to him. I have tried explaining it to him several times, and he is totally supportive, but when it comes down to me actually slipping into little space and him stepping up it’s just never happened.

 

I know taking care of someone let alone your adult gf is a tough concept for some and is a lot to ask for, and I made sure to introduce him slowly as not to alarm him in anyway.. but nothing has changed. If he had said that he’s just not up for that I would’ve dropped the subject completely, but he keeps saying he would really enjoy it and it would be rewarding for both of us. I call him Daddy when we are intimate or over text, but only because that’s the only time I’m comfortable coming out of my shell even a tad due to it being ignored for so long.

I have told him what I enjoy, what my quirks are when I’m slipping into my tiny zone, why I am this way, and so on. I’m not looking for complete power exchange, or even for my time being little with him to be regular (even though I would love that), it’s just something I need and I’m not sure how to go about initiating it.

 

This is where it gets serious:

It’s come to the point where when I’m needing to be little I become extremely angry. And I mean extremely. I get emotional, snappy, just awful. I know it comes off the wrong way but I cannot bare to explain why I’m acting out. It’s now affecting our relationship, and I just don’t know what to do.

 

I know I’m an adult, and I know I shouldn’t need these things anymore, or maybe I do, I’m just so confused and lost. I don’t want to let go of this side of me, I’m not even sure I can, just because it does bring me so much joy.

I also don’t want to put any pressure on my boyfriend because again, I know it’s a lot to ask.

If anyone has a comment, question, or any advice on my situation please please please don’t hesitate, anything with help at this point.

Thank you so much

[Arielbaby]

When a child is stressed or anxious or needs sleep or comfort that may act out as a way of showing how they are feeling.

Anger can be shown and created from severe stress or needs not being met.

Think about when a child is very hungry or sleepy they will act out and cry and get all upset as that is their way of showing that one or more of their needs is not being met and they need help.

 

You may be getting like that as children don’t always have the words to say what they need or ask for what they need, for example a baby can only cry to get their needs met and that is how they communicate that.

You need to let yourself have time where you feel safe enough to be little, either by yourself or hopefully with your boyfriend or a close friend.

It is really important that you at least set some time aside for it otherwise it will all get too much, like children need play time, nap time, snack time, just time to be themselves, you need that to and to be able to fully feel safe in that and hopefully that would lessen the anger, as your child needs would be being met.

 

See if you can have that time, even for a little while, you need to feel totally safe to do it thought, create a good environment, much like one that a child might have when they are going to sleep.

Put on some cartoons, have your duvet, make sure you are warm and fed, mood lighting, fairy lights, soft pyjamas, make sure you feel totally safe.

 

Perhaps your boyfriend could talk to you in a certain way that may help you slip into little mode. Maybe he could feed you some food, like snack food and see how you feel. Or sit on his lap with your head over his shoulder, let him rub your back and then see how you feel.

It usually just begins with one thing, word, action, something that just relaxes you.

Edited November 15, 2020 by Arielbaby

[MintieSweetie]

Anger is the emotion we jump to because its the easier emotion for us to connect to. When we are upset or traumatized or scared or anxious, sometimes it comes out at anger because we naturally as humans can feel anger much easier, than facing other more complex emotions. Its clear your partner cares about you very much and I understand the predicament, you want him to understand this isnt really a choice for you, its just how you are, and you hope he will support you because he loves you, even if its not always so easy and fun. 

 

I struggle with this too, if im being honest, I was in a very dangerous mental state the other night and my love interest found out. They were distraught at the thought of me being harmed. Selfishly I was happy they cared so much, but I realized the reason I was so low was because I felt I couldn't be my true honest self sometimes at fear of being laughed at or misunderstood or even completely unaccepted. After this I think my partner has taken a step back to realize why I am the way I am, and that its not really a choice, its part of me and part of the whole "package".

 

Im not saying he is gonna be Daddy of the year anytime soon but small steps mean a hell of a lot, and him taking the time to learn how to make me comfortable to be fully open with him, it means a lot. Your partner may take a long time to fully understand you, but aslong as you keep calm and if you are concerned or getting in a certain mood, you're honest with him, (even if it doesnt always go as you want or plan) in time itll all add up, and he will learn more and more your triggers and reactions to things.

 

Sorry if this was a bit messy, its a bit hard to explain things properly. But have faith! If they love and care for you, in time, they will adjust slowly to your needs <3 

[PapaGrayWolf]

I am composing this without malice to either you or your boyfriend.

t

Being little appears to be a vital part of your psyche.  If that is true and your boyfriend cannot participate in that part of who you are I have to question the viability of your relationship over the long haul.

 

You must understand that a relationship that is not fulfilling will be bad for each of you and any children that might result from your relationship.

 

Sometimes love is not enough.

 

Michael

[Amber_dragon]

I don't know how little your little space is... but have your tried setting aside little space time for yourself without relying on him to be a part of it? I am mostly a middle, but I set myself up with my snacks, crafts, music and shows and have a couple hours on my own without a Daddy. It helps me relax.  Maybe he can eventually ease into by seeing you enjoy yourself rather than feeing he has to fully participate right away? Not sure that's helpful, but just some ideas.  

[Bearly]

Could someone besides your bf take care of you? I know it's special when it's your partner, but sometimes it just doesn't work out.