Obsession

[Guest wet4Daddy]

Hello.

I am not really sure how this is going to come out, so fingers crossed it makes sense at least a bit.

 

So, teeny background : I met Daddy on a (totally unrelated to this stuff) forum, we instantly clicked, fell so hard in love and are desperately trying to figure out the next step (we were both in rocky relationships, we both have children) the DD/lg was something he knew about, I had never heard of it before, but it was perfect. Once we realised, it happened very quickly, very naturally and very intensely.

 

Now, I know there are no "rules" per say about how the dynamic should work, but it seems like ours is different to most others I have read.

 

We are completely and utterly obsessed with each other. We talk everyday, all day (despite a 5hr time difference..) and both of us have commented on it possibly being seen as crazy to others.

He is ALWAYS "Daddy". I can hardly bring myself to call him by his name, it feels wrong, and I am always "baby". They are not roles we slip in & out of, it is us. 24/7. I love him more than I have ever loved anything and I need him so much.

 

I could write a million pages about just how amazing he is. Everything Daddy does or says or thinks about, is perfect. We are made for each other.

 

But people have told me it is "unhealthy".. "Co-dependent"... "Obsessive"..

This makes me so upset. I cannot imagine feeling any other way about him! I *do* need him to take care of me, I worship him because he is my entire world!

 

I fail to understand how people can be in such an intense and deep (love, trust, unquestioning loyalty, respect..) and be able to "switch off" from sub/little mode. I could never be like that! Maybe it is unhealthy? He puts no pressure in me to ever be "a big girl" or do "grown up things" because he takes care of all those things for me. All he wants is me to be happy, and I just love him so so much.

 

And I wrong? Is it unhealthy? Is it bad to want to be and being allowed to be little all the time?

[Guest Thejackkeaton]

First off, hello!

Please do keep in mind, for the rest of my post here, I may lack context. So forgive me if I'm blatantly wrong about anything.

 

I don't think what you're describing is unhealthy in itself. The danger of being so very "obsessed" (for lack of a better word, I don't mean it negatively) is that should it ever end, the impact is much stronger.

I'm not saying it will, but it is a valid concern.

 

The difference you may see or feel may be related to it being long distance. I assume that due to the 5 hour difference.

Long distance or virtual relationships are no less valid or real, but they are different. And they do have an effect. The contact you have with him is (again, lack of a better term) limited. It's text and video and pictures. It is not actual, physical. So it would seem logical you need more of it to feel satisfied.

 

Make sure you are, at all times, still a complete person by yourself. That seems to be the best advice I can think of. Love him. Depend on him. Be the best little for his best Daddy. Do what you need and want. Your relationship is yours to define.

 

But be a person. Not only part of a relationship. Otherwise, you don't have anything to fall back on. You need to be able to exist by yourself.

[Guest wet4Daddy]

Thank you for replying (:

 

We are both very intensely emotional people (who were ignored in our previous relationships) and the fact we just work so perfectly and feel so strongly about each other makes it so easy to be consumed by it.

 

Neither of us socialise with others really as we would rather spend any free time with each other.

Although he has a job, he still constantly talk to me while he's at work and neither of us are the primary carers for our children any more, we have a lot of free time!

 

I do try to exist outside of him, but I just cannot!

I do things he tells me (eat, shower, nap etc) but if he's busy/asleep I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I just wait for him to come back.

There are lots of things I like doing, but I just don't want to do anything but talk to my Daddy.

 

I think as well, there are a lot of things we are "into" that are very deep and secret-y things that we never ever ever thought the other one would like. It has pushed us so so close together.

 

I should maybe just add, that we have been together for a fair while now.. This is not some kind of "oh hey I just met this guy lol" it was a fair old time of us just being friends before either one of us was brave enough to tell the other how we felt.

 

We are right now in the middle of working out who is moving/which country we will live in, and we absolutely intend on getting married and actually just being so so happy and so in love.

 

I am nothing without him.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

If you both feel the same and you are both happy, it has literally nothing to do with anyone else. That's as simply as I can put it lol.

Many people have never experienced that kind of intensity so bash it through cynicism and negativity, with no knowledge of it whatsoever.

Be who you are. Stuff the negative Normans.

[Guest Thejackkeaton]

Oh, I was in no way criticising. Honestly.

 

If you're both happy, you're happy. Nor was I doubting the validity of your relationship. Quite the contrary.

 

But you seemed to be looking for... Comments, or advice. Or input. And that's mine.

 

You're happy. Good. I'm happy for you.

[lilvioletcub]

I'm also in a Long distance relationship to which my relaionship got called obessive at one point.

 

Reading though this I am a bit scared for you the "I'm nothing with out him" line really sent off a red flag for me. Trust me I know how you feel but once that infatuation simmers down with time what are you left with? I was in the exact same boat I couldn't think of me being myself outside of being with my boyfriend. now at 3 years I'm working on me and he's working on him and while lonely we're content with our lives.

 

First off your Daddy shouldn't be texting you while at work work is for work not for play time. Second you doing nothing but waiting for him to come on thats a normal part of the infautation but instead you should work on you what skills do you need to learn or brush up on to be a good wife? a good little? being indepentend maybe? these are all things I'm working on while in this LDR yes I love my boyfriend dearly but I won't be any good as a wife or living with him if I can't even cook or clean like a normal person.

 

I think you both need to start thinking outside of the infatuation phase and start thinking of the real world in front of you jobs, moving, money, the world doesn't care how madly in love you are and will shove everything from being sick to job loss to drama and stress your way if you can't handle you in those times how will you handle daddy and vise versa?

[Guest wet4Daddy]

Although I am nearly 30 I realise I'm pretty naive to reality (complicated reasons) but Daddy is 15 years older than I and is very experienced, so he is fully aware of the importance of things like jobs and money and all of that stuff. Which is handy because I am terrible at it! But Daddy says I don't need to worry about those things because it is his job to take care of me/these things. <3

 

I probably am overly dependent on him, but he has never complained about it and always does everything he can to ensure I am happy. He is the absolute best!

 

We don't do "play time" (usually ^_~ ) while he's at work, but he tells me all the time how much he loves me and misses me, and obviously visa versa.. I do not see how that is bad or weird?

 

I don't think it will ever wear off. I hope it never does! I have never felt so.. It's like a burning passion intense magic feeling! I love it!

[lilvioletcub]

Although I am nearly 30 I realise I'm pretty naive to reality (complicated reasons) but Daddy is 15 years older than I and is very experienced, so he is fully aware of the importance of things like jobs and money and all of that stuff. Which is handy because I am terrible at it! But Daddy says I don't need to worry about those things because it is his job to take care of me/these things. <3

 

I probably am overly dependent on him, but he has never complained about it and always does everything he can to ensure I am happy. He is the absolute best!

 

We don't do "play time" (usually ^_~ ) while he's at work, but he tells me all the time how much he loves me and misses me, and obviously visa versa.. I do not see how that is bad or weird?

 

I don't think it will ever wear off. I hope it never does! I have never felt so.. It's like a burning passion intense magic feeling! I love it!

 

Ah I see.

It's bad in the sense of if he's spends his time doing nothing but talking to you he could get fired

not gonna make a comment to that becuse hey its your relationship who am I to judge gave you my advice and there we are :nod:

[MrBonesWildRide]

Hey there, my 2 cents.
 

Neither of us socialise with others really as we would rather spend any free time with each other.
Although he has a job, he still constantly talk to me while he's at work and neither of us are the primary carers for our children any more, we have a lot of free time
I do try to exist outside of him, but I just cannot!

This sent a flag to me. I don't know exactly how long you two have been together, but this will eventually end and the feelings may fade. You can and will run out of things to talk about and do if you are spending as close to all of your time together as you possibly can. 
 
And one other thing.
 

I am nothing without him.

As much as I can appreciate Total Power Exchange, I feel like there is no way a TPE can be performed accurately during Long Distance. I apologize that if this is a negativity statement. If you are aiming to be together, then I am not questioning it when you do decide to do so. For now, I feel like this statement is more metaphorical rather than a statement of fact.

 

But Daddy says I don't need to worry about those things because it is his job to take care of me/these things. <3

 

Here's my issue though. You do need to know how to do those things. What if your relationship hits a tragic end for whatever reason? Going back to TPE, if he handles the finances, what if you break up? Suddenly you have no idea how he did any of those things and you're hit hard back to square one. You need to be independent before you can surrender that independence. Because if you're surrendering your independence without having it in the first place, you will feel even more lost if the person taking it from you leaves without a trace. Establish a foundation for yourself to ensure you have a footing.

 

I can 100% understand your thoughts though on wanting to spend so much time with your Daddy. It is great that you feel so earnest and desire to be fulfilling to him. I don't know either of you so the context of the situation is lost.

[daddyjames]

Here's my issue though. You do need to know how to do those things. What if your relationship hits a tragic end for whatever reason? Going back to TPE, if he handles the finances, what if you break up? Suddenly you have no idea how he did any of those things and you're hit hard back to square one. You need to be independent before you can surrender that independence. Because if you're surrendering your independence without having it in the first place, you will feel even more lost if the person taking it from you leaves without a trace. Establish a foundation for yourself to ensure you have a footing.

 

^ This.

 

It's great to have someone that you're so madly in love with! But you need to take time sometimes to think about yourself and how you'd be able to cope if anything were to change.

 

 

And I wrong? Is it unhealthy? Is it bad to want to be and being allowed to be little all the time?

 

To your actual questions, OP. Is it wrong? Well, no... if it works for you. Every single relationship is going to be different because every one of us is different even within a community like this one. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be little all of the time, I think (though I can't speak from experience as I'm not a little myself) that you're definitely not the only one who feels that way.

 

So the remaining question is about how healthy a relationship like this is. Outside of the DD/LG community you would almost certainly find people who'd tell you that what you describe is coming awfully close to an unhealthy fixation on one person.

 

I do try to exist outside of him, but I just cannot!

 

[...]

 

I am nothing without him.

 

These statements in particular would raise the alarm with some people. I don't think we're quite reaching "obsessive" or "co-dependent" territory, because these are concepts with reasonably narrow definitions. But you do clearly have a great deal of your happiness invested in this person and the continuation of the relationship. Hence my earlier remarks about considering what might happen if the nature of the relationship were to change.

 

Here's the "but": millions of other people do the same thing. When my marriage ended, I wasn't prepared for that. It was a shock to the system, and it took time to adjust. You're no more unhealthy than millions of married and committed people all over the world. If this relationship is working for you, don't let anyone tell you differently. And don't let anyone talk you into making changes in your relationship that you're hesitant to make.

[Guest wet4Daddy]

I cannot and do not want to even contemplate us ever separating. Were anything to happen.. I honestly have no idea what I would do..

 

And yes, I know that Daddy & I have a very special connection that other people find impossible to understand. Both our families have been pretty unsupportive of us recently (my family do not *really* know about him, not that he's a secret, just they wouldn't understand) so we do really both only have each other.

 

But i think just makes us stronger? Totally and utterly devoted to each other.

is this TPE? I am pretty new to all of this stuff in all honesty, my understanding of certain terminology, is lacking

[lilvioletcub]

I cannot and do not want to even contemplate us ever separating. Were anything to happen.. I honestly have no idea what I would do..

 

And yes, I know that Daddy & I have a very special connection that other people find impossible to understand. Both our families have been pretty unsupportive of us recently (my family do not *really* know about him, not that he's a secret, just they wouldn't understand) so we do really both only have each other.

 

But i think just makes us stronger? Totally and utterly devoted to each other.

is this TPE? I am pretty new to all of this stuff in all honesty, my understanding of certain terminology, is lacking

 

oh for the love of.....

1. trust me I know how that feels I never want to think of my life completly with out my boyfriend eaither but cold hard fact is eventually they will die and if they go first and you have no clue at 70 or 85 how to be indepentend becuse you were so wrapped up and sure that your boyfriend would take care ofeverything all the time well then you are screwed. Even if Daddy takes care of whatever it is you need to learn how to do X, Y, And Z as well daddy might handle it but when push comes to shove you knowning how to do it will be a big advantage in the realtionship DD/lg aside I'm talking Real life relationship you need indepentence and you time you need to know how to live as a person you need to underastand money and fincaes to a degree you need to understand a lot of big girl stuff to handle the world my parents are going though some crazy adult stuff right now that thankfully my mom can lean on my dad with but at the end of the day my mom is also makeing the big adult phone calls to the lawyar abut my grandpas house and the like.

You are not a Real child you are an adult in a dynamic meant as a kink and that can help with stress of adult life. as an adult who ASKED FOR HELP on this fourm stop fighting us like a child every time let your little side realize that big girl needs control becuse the rest of this are treating this like Adults

 

 

2. My boyfriend and I too have a LDR most find possible to understand how we work but we do and a very special connection doesn't stop me from trying to be more indepentent for him and myself Thankfully my parents understand and are supportive I'm going to meet his parents soon myself. This line here makes me realize how childish you are being to an adult thing of a realtionship and if you are still living with your parents or in a situation where you need your parents support then you are going about it all wrong "they wouldn't understand" well yeah stop acting like a bratty teenager and open up to them

 

3. Stronger in the relationship yes but stronger for the real world? I don't think so true love is powerful but it can only handle so much you yourself have to go fight the battles of life knowning you have true love rathern then relying on it to battle the world for you

 

4. No it's not TPE becuse you are not acting like a indepentent adult giving up your indepentence you are acting like a love struck teenager who isn't indeptended and assumes this relationship will handle all your probloms and this relationship will solve all the bad things in your life with out you haveing to do a thing becuse your so in love

[Guest buddhagirl]

I think that you, wet4daddy, wanted to share how amazing you are are feeling in your relationship and didn't really want advice. You seem to be very happy and feel it is healthy and strong. You asked for input/advice, but I'm not sure that's what you really wanted. 

 

Friends of the forum, you tried to answer her questions in a thoughtful, supportive manner and I appreciate that effort, even though she may not have really wanted it. 

[lilvioletcub]

I think that you, wet4daddy, wanted to share how amazing you are are feeling in your relationship and didn't really want advice. You seem to be very happy and feel it is healthy and strong. You asked for input/advice, but I'm not sure that's what you really wanted. 

 

Friends of the forum, you tried to answer her questions in a thoughtful, supportive manner and I appreciate that effort, even though she may not have really wanted it. 

 

I agree with this, gushing over your daddy is fine but never make an advice post and then shoot down all the advice like you know better. If you want to gush then gush but don't ask for advice, if your looking for advice then you better well thank the people taking time to give it to you and listen ask advice listen to what is said if you didn't want input or advice then don't ask and if it was a retorical question then state that kind of thing people online don't know that.

 

Your welcome I know my last two posts (this one and the other one) seemed a bit short anger wise but I'm dealing with a lot of offline junk and coming back to see "gush daddy daddy gush gush omgosh I know better then what you all are saying about my relationship" just set me on edge though I tried to be curt and poilet about it

[Guest wet4Daddy]

Oh my gosh,

I'm not shooting down anyone's advice! I am extremely grateful and thankful to you all for replying. I have a tendency to throw myself into things without thinking about them very well and I know it's always easier from the outside, to see if it's getting weird.

 

I do not mean to sound like I am not listening to you, I am.. I just might not like what you are saying. And I'm not a total plank, I raised 3 children and I'm off to university to do my second degree, so I *am* capable (haha) of actually, you know, "adulting".. Just I don't *have* to do it, unless I want to.

 

And I did choose to give this "power" over to Daddy. I trust him 100%. I am terrible at making decisions, I just do what people say. So although Daddy is taking care of things, he explains it all to me and the reasons why he does things the way he does, so he is teaching me about stuff (even if I'm not the one actually doing it!)

 

I am sorry if anything I wrote comes across in a bad way, I have nothing but love and thanks for you all for talking to me at all! I apologise if it came out any other way, I'm not very used to writing online.. I am sincerely sorry if you felt I was ignoring what you said.

 

I realise *what* you all saying, but what i am saying is that, I don't know how to feel less like that! Daddy is my everything and if I become too independent of him, it would hurt him. Which is of course the last thing I want to do.

 

•sighs• I'm not great at articulating myself. I hope it makes sense.

[lilvioletcub]

Oh my gosh,

I'm not shooting down anyone's advice! I am extremely grateful and thankful to you all for replying. I have a tendency to throw myself into things without thinking about them very well and I know it's always easier from the outside, to see if it's getting weird.

 

I do not mean to sound like I am not listening to you, I am.. I just might not like what you are saying. And I'm not a total plank, I raised 3 children and I'm off to university to do my second degree, so I *am* capable (haha) of actually, you know, "adulting".. Just I don't *have* to do it, unless I want to.

 

And I did choose to give this "power" over to Daddy. I trust him 100%. I am terrible at making decisions, I just do what people say. So although Daddy is taking care of things, he explains it all to me and the reasons why he does things the way he does, so he is teaching me about stuff (even if I'm not the one actually doing it!)

 

I am sorry if anything I wrote comes across in a bad way, I have nothing but love and thanks for you all for talking to me at all! I apologise if it came out any other way, I'm not very used to writing online.. I am sincerely sorry if you felt I was ignoring what you said.

 

I realise *what* you all saying, but what i am saying is that, I don't know how to feel less like that! Daddy is my everything and if I become too independent of him, it would hurt him. Which is of course the last thing I want to do.

 

•sighs• I'm not great at articulating myself. I hope it makes sense.

 

Yes actually you are re-reading this again the rest of this is also saying “I know better then what you are all saying” ie “I do not mean to sound like I am not listening to you, I am.. I just might not like what you are saying.” is basically telling us you didn't want adivce to start with and what your looking for is a simple yes or no to a complicated question

 And again this whole post comes off as you know better then the people you asked advice from if you don't like what is being said then don't ask the question to start with.

 

Reading this your what almost 30? and you are acting like a Brat becuse you have everything figured out one minute your asking what Total power exchange is the next your saying "no your wrong I did give all my indeentence to him" Please understand this Fourm is a safe place for you to be you

with in context. Your not suppost to be little 24/7 on here and your not suppost to be Dom 24/7 on here outside of the spaces for it you re meant to be Big you are meant to be level headed Adult about things. You are not coming off as such and you even said it your self “I do not mean to sound like I am not listening to you, I am.. I just might not like what you are saying.” This is not a Big/Adult responce in the slightest this is nothing but a drama bait post if ever I read one