Maybe this goes here?

[LittlePoodleGirl]

I need someone to talk to...I'm at a crossroad in my life and I need help figuring things out. I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much but he has recently decided that me and my 5yr old son are to stressful for him. My husband has been my daddy for the last 2 years but it isn't a "traditional" ddlg relationship and talking with an experienced daddy as a friend, he told me that basically I'm not meant to be a little or a middle... I feel lost and unsure. Maybe I'm not meant to be a little or middle but then why do I feel the need to revert to little or middle space? I don't know...I'm lonely and depressed and so very unsure of my life now...

[baby_k]

No one else than you can define if you are little or not. They don't hold such power over you and cannot decide that for you. If you feel little, and want to be little, then you are. There is no defination which you need to fullfill to be one.

 

Typically people telling others that they are something or aren't something just tell about themselves. Often these people have some issue or "lock" in themselves which they project to others. So, don't sweat about that, be who you are and do what feels god to you as long as that doesn't harm others ( and having different opinion than they isn't harming them ).

[Vampiress]

As baby_k says, no one else gets to tell you if you're "meant" to be a little. No one else can validate that or take it away. YOU decide if you are a little. It is a part of who you are, and no one else gets that kind of control to define who you are and who you are not.

 

I honestly feel like they are saying that to discourage you from wanting that from them, but that's a very unfair way to handle it. If he isn't interested he should just let you know instead of shifting the problem onto you and making it seem like you're wrong for wanting it and making you feel like you don't fit in.

 

I'm not sure what else to advise because I don't know why he'd say something as mean as saying you and your son are too stressful. I know in relationships certain situations can be stressful, but to outright say your own wife and child are too stressful as people is awful. I suppose I would say to find out what it is that is stressing him out so much and see if it is something you can help him resolve. However, do not tolerate him using things like "you're not a little" or "you're too stressful" because in that sense he's shifting blaming, not at all being productive in trying to resolve whatever is actually wrong with him, and doesn't sound like he's actually opening up.

[OldFLDaddy]

Pardon me, but how can a guy suddenly decide his wife and his stepson are "too stressful?"  Your profile says you've been together 4 1/2 years, so it's not like your son was a surprise to him.  He married you and accepted your son as his own but NOW the situation is too stressful?  that's ludicrous.  My apologies on behalf of all actual MEN.

 

I was in a similar situation.  My wife had a 20 month old daughter when we met.  She became as much my daughter as if I had been her biological father.  I NEVER had a thought of turning away from MY FAMILY, even when we had times of terrible stress.  I'm a widower now, but I treasure every day with my wife and MY stepdaughter (and the kids my wife and I had together).  It wasn't a perfect family, but it was perfect for us.

 

If things do not work out, and you have to separate from your husband (and the only father your son has ever known), just know there ARE good, decent men out there...men who WILL step up, and who will give you and your son ALL the love in their heart.  I will say a prayer for you, that things work out, and that you and your son find the daddy you both deserve.

 

All the best!

Edited October 12, 2020 by OldFLDaddy

[LittlePoodleGirl]

[LittlePoodleGirl]

As baby_k says, no one else gets to tell you if you're "meant" to be a little. No one else can validate that or take it away. YOU decide if you are a little. It is a part of who you are, and no one else gets that kind of control to define who you are and who you are not.

 

I honestly feel like they are saying that to discourage you from wanting that from them, but that's a very unfair way to handle it. If he isn't interested he should just let you know instead of shifting the problem onto you and making it seem like you're wrong for wanting it and making you feel like you don't fit in.

 

I'm not sure what else to advise because I don't know why he'd say something as mean as saying you and your son are too stressful. I know in relationships certain situations can be stressful, but to outright say your own wife and child are too stressful as people is awful. I suppose I would say to find out what it is that is stressing him out so much and see if it is something you can help him resolve. However, do not tolerate him using things like "you're not a little" or "you're too stressful" because in that sense he's shifting blaming, not at all being productive in trying to resolve whatever is actually wrong with him, and doesn't sound like he's actually opening up.

We have had a few long talks about what is bothering him and it is always the same things money, my son throwing fits and get overly angry for a 5 yr old, and now he has added on the he doesn't find me attractive anymore and that his doesn't want to be with me physically

[LittlePoodleGirl]

Pardon me, but how can a guy suddenly decide his wife and his stepson are "too stressful?" Your profile says you've been together 4 1/2 years, so it's not like your son was a surprise to him. He married you and accepted your son as his own but NOW the situation is too stressful? that's ludicrous. My apologies on behalf of all actual MEN.

 

I was in a similar situation. My wife had a 20 month old daughter when we met. She became as much my daughter as if I had been her biological father. I NEVER had a thought of turning away from MY FAMILY, even when we had times of terrible stress. I'm a widower now, but I treasure every day with my wife and MY stepdaughter (and the kids my wife and I had together). It wasn't a perfect family, but it was perfect for us.

 

If things do not work out, and you have to separate from your husband (and the only father your son has ever known), just know there ARE good, decent men out there...men who WILL step up, and who will give you and your son ALL the love in their heart. I will say a prayer for you, that things work out, and that you and your son find the daddy you both deserve.

 

All the best!

The only thing I have come up with to explain his behavior is that he doesn't know how to put down roots. The community we live in I have been in my whole life. He was an army brat and they moved every 4 years and then when his dad wasn't in the army anymore they still moved about every 4 years for jobs. So he isn't use to putting down roots for very long

[Vampiress]

We have had a few long talks about what is bothering him and it is always the same things money, my son throwing fits and get overly angry for a 5 yr old, and now he has added on the he doesn't find me attractive anymore and that his doesn't want to be with me physically

 

Ugh I'm so sorry. If your son has issues with his emotions then your husband should be helping you to help your son find solutions that work for him instead of just saying he's too stressful. I'm also very sad to hear that he said that to you, I know that must hurt. Just know that just because he's feeling that way it doesn't mean you're worth less or not attractive to anyone else. You're still just as valid and worth so much, if he's going to be heartless and mean then that speaks more about him than it does about you.