A recent realization about his little space...

[Thequeen]

Hello,

 

I’m going to try and keep this brief. I have been a life dom for approximately four years and a caregiver sporadically throughout based on our desires at given points. We delved back into being caregiver and little and I suddenly realized when he is being his true little self, that is when he allows himself to be, I suddenly feel as though I’ve lost my boyfriend. I always encourage him to be little to whatever extent he wants but he is shy and gets stressed but this current time I have been able to get him to where he had been the very first time we tried out the dynamic all those years ago. I saw him in a onsie and chewing a teether both of which I bought for him because I wanted to support him in getting into this headspace.

 

However, it’s been a few days now and I can’t shake the feeling that my boyfriend who I feel in love with almost 8 years ago is now gone to this dynamic. We have discussed and now he is doing his little headspace only when I am at work so as to ensure I have him as my boyfriend but it feels so wrong. It just isn’t right. I don’t want him hiding it but I want to still feel like I have the strong amazing boyfriend I feel in love with, the one who helps me through life just as much as I to him. I know in my mind he doesn’t go anywhere and he isn't changed.

 

So I ask you, how do I see my boyfriend despite him being in little headspace? How can I see the man I feel in love with when he’s acting like a little? I love him as a little and that’s not the issue. The issue is in me not him. For even now when he isn’t acting as a little with me around I still see him as that.

[Guest Vampire]

Well, first question, what exactly is bothering you? I think that's the first question you should answer for yourself? Do you need him to be a strong dominant male?

Edited October 10, 2020 by Vampire

[Kitten&Spice]

I do not want to come off as being harsh in any form and would like to understand as to what about this bothers you so much? It confuses me as to why you are allowing him to be in little space which ultimately can be classified as a less dominant headspace and yet you are bothered by it. Head spaces can come in many forms and switching is something common. However he is not less of a man for having this side. He is being vulnerable and opening up a side of him that I am sure was extremely difficult to show. And by the sounds of it you don’t want that part of him.

 

You also mentioned that you want him to still be this strong person but if you think about it strength can come in many forms. It takes a strong person to show their little space to their partner. It takes a strong person to fess up things and dive into a side that is prominently dominated by the female gender. So this I am also confused about.

 

Is he diving into his little space more frequently? Is he a switch but is more towards the submissive side? I think there is a lot of context being missed on this and maybe if you elaborate a bit more as to what part of this is bothering you I think it would help to get a solid answer. Sorry if this came off cross I am just genuinely confused on this.

[Vampiress]

I agree there is a lot of missing context and information so I'm a little confused as well. It does kind of remind me of that nagging feeling I have that if my partner ever decided to become switch or submissive or little that it would cause an issue in the relationship. If he were to switch I am just incapable of seeing my partner as dominant anymore. The moment I'm able to take control and they start submitting to me is the moment their dominant side of the dynamic is gone. I need someone who is purely dominant. If this is similar to what you're going through, then maybe you are willing to accept and not judge him for being a little, but him being a little or a submissive may not be for you and that's okay. It just means there's a compatability issue. My Daddy knows that if he were to change it would likely become a compatability issue. I wouldn't judge him for being submissive, little, or switch... it would just end the dynamic I suppose, because it isn't what I want from him and he'd want something from me that I couldn't provide.

[maddycakes]

Hmm, if your issue is in separating his big self from his little self in your own brain, I would suggest coming up with a transitional activity or ritual for you both to participate in that helps him "grow up" in your mind when little time is over. This could be something as simple as a long kiss, after which he reaffirms his role as your adult boyfriend, or maybe having him do something for you that is a "capable adult" activity, such as fixing you a drink or giving you a back rub. If you are a visual person, having special clothes dedicated to his little time might be helpful as well so you can immediately identify when he is and is not in littlespace. Other than that, if you are trying to see him as a more manly adult, why not talk to him about doing more traditionally manly things for you? You can ask him to lift heavy things (groceries, books, etc.), open the door for you (front door/back door/bedroom door), pick you up in his arms, small things that can be done within your home to give you that more adult vibe. These would have to be personal to you, as I don't know what things you find to be adult and manly. The thing to remember is that they don't have to be "natural". If it really helps you see him as an adult when he lifts heavy objects for you, stack up a pile of books and keep it around the kitchen or living room. When he is done with his little time, have him move the books to a different shelf or countertop. The same goes for opening a door. No need to wait until you are going out, simply find a reason (or have no reason at all!) to go outside or into the bedroom and have him open and hold the door for you. Small acts like these can help your mind distinguish his big self from his little self. They draw a line between the two so you can appreciate him while he is little and while he is big. I hope this helps!

[Thequeen]

Hello all,

 

Thank you for responding so quickly. I fully support him being a little, I have the entire time. Maddycakes more describes the issue I was having which she describes wonderfully- not being able to separate big him from little him. Thank you for those wonderful ideas! The only issue is that because he feels submissive when being little, so he holds the door open and carries groceries in; I should be able to come up with some unnatural version of this that we can use. I actually really did like the massage idea it seems to be a very strong, yet sweet and loving, transition that we both will clearly participate in.

 

Thank you again everyone! If anyone else has any other suggestions to help with this concept that would be wonderful as well so I can keep searching for the perfect answer for me and my little.

[Kitten&Spice]

I agree with MaddyCakes then if that was the issue! I think it is really important to have things to ground people back into a more natural state! It could be extremely jarring for people to be pulled out of their headspace and I think it is a great idea to have those rituals! I think in anything that has you to go in a somewhat unnatural role should have these for sure! Sorry for the misunderstanding on your post wasn’t really sure as to what you were hinting at but I am glad someone understood! Good luck and hope you find something that works for both of you!

[Vampiress]

I'm glad maddycakes was able to understand the issue and give you some nice suggestions. I hope they help with your issue so that you guys can build a stronger relationship that you're both happy and comfortable with. It'd be great to see both of you have your needs met. Good luck!