Stay at Home Little?

[ScaredLilTurkeyKitten]

Thanks for all of the advice! Edited October 8, 2020 by ScaredLilKitten

[Little kaiya]

If you are having these doubts it sounds like moving in together right now is not a good idea. What you are describing sounds like a VERY big difference in what the two of you want for your life. Mix in the fact that you say he isn't very nurturing and honestly sounds like a fundamental compatability issue.

 

All that said, if you want to still go ahead and move in together then first sit down and have an adult conversation together. You are 22, an adult, and as such have a right to express what you want in a relationship. The fact he wants you to stay at home and cook and clean doesn't mean that's what you automatically have to do. I say this as some who is collared and is in a D/s relationship.

 

Find some middle ground that makes both of you happy because a relationship isn't just a one sided affair about the desires if one person.

[Guest Vampire]

You guys moved in together but did not have a talk about what you guys want out of the relationship? If not definitely do talk about, the longer you wait the more difficult it gets to adress the issue. If after the conversation you assess that he doesn't really want what you want and is not willing to do his part of the relationship like you are. Then consider that you guys aren't compatible. I wish you good luck and hope the best for you. But don't be afraid to take action once you thought everything through and thought about all the advantages and disadvantages. Considering being little is a part of your personality you should be able to be yourself at home with the person you love without feeling like you're stressing him out. Ofcourse caregivers have limits on to how much effort they can put into something because they also have moods and energy levels and when they are down, stuff they like might be more difficult to do. But overall normally caregivers like nurturing and taking care of their little. If he's a lazy fuck that wants everything done for him at home. You have a little problem. Again good luck

[Guest fhihfidhfd38478]

So, I'm moving in with my Daddy/Master and he doesn't want me working, he wants me to stay at home and cook and keep house. I have no problem with this but, I'm very scared I'll never actually get to be little. I have to cook him dinner, meet him at the door, serve him his food, and clean the dishes... then I have to cuddle him and feed the cat before bed. When I'm little I don't want any responsibilities and I just want to be babied and happy and cared for. He's not very nurturing and I don't want to feel like a maid and that i'm his girlfriend/little/kitten. I'm not sure how to go about making this work when I feel like I'll do nothing but stress out. 

 

I'm not really sure how to even go about posting this but, I could really use some advice, I'm not sure what to do. Are there any others who make this work while feeling little? Also, I can never feel little alone, my mental health doesn't allow me to.

 

It sounds like he is expecting a very different dynamic than the one you're wanting. It sounds like he may be crossing over into some dangerous territory, honestly... You should definitely talk to him about it. If doing these things isn't part of the lifestyle you want (I mean no one wants to do dishes, but hopefully you get what I mean) you should have that conversation with him.

 

Would you like to work? To go to school? Does the idea of doing these things make you uncomfortable or make you feel like your power is being taken away in a way you don't like? If being a little is your primary identification and that doesn't involve bearing the lode of the household chores, this may not the best dynamic for you. 

 

I have a work-from-home job and attend school full time. My partner also works full-time and we live in a household with our in-laws, so the chores aren't solely our responsibility. I have to admit, it is difficult to stay little while doing less than fun things. You could always add a point system or make a game out of it -- but it doesn't detract from first point. Please have a conversation with him about this.

[AsleepAndDreaming]

Your post really really worries me. He doesn't want you working? It sounds like he's not even too keen for you to go out (although I know you don't actually put that). The way it sounds, you would be spending time as a cleaner or a cooker and looking after him more than he looks after you? Is that what you want?

 

How are you meant to grow and develop as a person? How are you going to do things you enjoy? How are you going to have a life, part of which is being little and having someone to look after you? How are you going to have friends and be happy?

 

It sounds like he expects you to stay home all day, clean the house, cook the dinner, say "yes sir" and "no sir", and generally look after him. I can't even pretend to understand this dynamic, but if you're happy with that then please ignore my post and move on to the next one. I do appreciate that some people want this and that's fine, in the right circumstances.

 

But by making a topic like this in the first place, it kind of indicates that you know something is not right and that this is making you uncomfortable. You're worried about having time for being little when actually it's you that needs to be looked after, but you don't seem to have any idea how that will work and you don't give any indication that he will do this for you. In fact, by saying that he's not very nurturing, it kind of indicates the opposite. It doesn't sound like you've talked about this to him, and yet you're still about to move in with him?

 

Which begs the question, why are you about to move in with him? Is it convenient? Or do you feel you have nowhere else to go? Or is moving in with him a better solution than whatever you have at the moment? 

 

My advice would be that you need to put the brakes on this. You should never move in with anyone unless you're 100% convinced that it's the right thing to do because in certain circumstances it can be very difficult to reverse a decision like this. And the very fact that you say that you'll do "nothing but stress out" means I see red flags everywhere. And I'm not sure how much success you'll have being in little space if he's not very nurturing and he's not going to make you the centre of his world?

 

I'm sorry if this isn't the advice you want to hear. But sometimes it's better to get blunt honesty from a grumpy old man like me than it is to go ahead and move in with someone, and then realise a few weeks down the line that you've made a pretty big mistake. Take a step back, maybe write down a list of the pros and cons of moving in with him, and then if you can, have a discussion with him which addresses the things that you're worried about. I wish you luck, whatever you decide to do.

[Kitten&Spice]

Honestly this should be more about what you want and where your comfort is. Being told to quit your job and do what you mentioned sounds a bit boring and more like a house wife if anything. However I do know that some people favor staying home. If you have plans to go back into school this would be a wonderful option! If you have issues with social anxiety or other factors it would be a good option! And in some cases it will give you the much needed time to do your own thing without worry!

 

Ultimately you have to decide if you are willing to be home and if this will not weigh down on you mentally but physically as well. Would you be happy to stay home? Is there things in your life you would like to enjoy that you might not have been capable of doing til now? Will you miss working or doing a job you loved? How much stability is this providing you? Will he be paying for everything or will you still need to find ways to afford things you want? There is lots of questions you must ask yourself.

 

Not only that but communicating with him about your worries and what you want is extremely important. If this is not what you want then he must understand that you are not the type. That or maybe you can work part time somewhere to give you some spending money and so you don’t get bored!

 

But with you talking about your mental health I don’t think this would be a good idea! Just try and think it over before settling and let him know what you are thinking and how you both can work things out!

[weebitofabit]

It sounds like you both need to sit down and talk to each other about what you BOTH need. It can't be all about what one person needs. It's a relationship even if it's a DDlg one. In order to make it work long term, you both have to be happy and fulfilled. Have you talked to him about what you need and want out of the relationship? I think in a BDSM or DDlg relationship, communication is even more key than in a vanilla type relationship. Without clear and open communication between the two of you, trust between the won't grow and develop like it needs to.

 

I hope you sit down and talk to him before you move in.

 

Good luck!!

[baby_k]

Loads of good advice already.

 

What I reallyreally recomend considering is your finances. You are really young, so means you have no proper education, I'd assume ( I may be wrong ). That makes you extremely vulnerable financially as it can be hard to get any kind of decent job, especially after you have massive hole in your CV.

 

So, even if he now says he is gonna support you and you find good agreement over money matters, what happens if he dies? Or gets disabled? How will you be able to survive after that? When other partner is staying at home, their retirement money and all else needs to be considered and looked after. And no, just getting bit money from insurance company is enough as life is expensive, so try to really consider a good plan here. And he really should be doing it if he is the one insisting you to stay home: that is one way of truly taking care of your partner.

[Kitten&Spice]

Loads of good advice already.

 

What I reallyreally recomend considering is your finances. You are really young, so means you have no proper education, I'd assume ( I may be wrong ). That makes you extremely vulnerable financially as it can be hard to get any kind of decent job, especially after you have massive hole in your CV.

 

So, even if he now says he is gonna support you and you find good agreement over money matters, what happens if he dies? Or gets disabled? How will you be able to survive after that? When other partner is staying at home, their retirement money and all else needs to be considered and looked after. And no, just getting bit money from insurance company is enough as life is expensive, so try to really consider a good plan here. And he really should be doing it if he is the one insisting you to stay home: that is one way of truly taking care of your partner.

They have a really good point! You also have to think about what will happen if maybe a few years down the line maybe you both aren’t together anymore! It will be really hard to get a job that will pay a decent amount with no experience or little to none. I would definitely see what he can provide! I didn’t even think of what baby K mentioned but it is definitely something to think about!

[LeeLee1]

I can’t add much to these amazing reply.but I’d say he sounds more like he wants a master sub/slave relationship.

I’ve been into the BDSM lifestyle for years .

I’m new to the little side .but your Dom don’t sound like a daddy Dom to me .

Ask now before you both get disappointed xx

[bincht]

NO f that u cant let anyone make you stay at home all the time if u dont want to

aside from being his little, you are also your own person n u get to wtv u get the point

 

and also if someone forces you to quit your job and instead become a personal you shouldn't!!!!! personally i hate doing chores so im not doing that but also it sounds like ur walking in a very dangerous path if u become completely financially dependent on someone else. what if (ok sorry this part is a bit insensitive but) they become abusive or die or smth HUH what will happen to you/????? do u get will money or smth NO probably not 

 

also what if when u get old and wrinkly Ok yah im projecting but yes consider everything u shouldnt move in wit someone if ur having doubts about it

also always ensure that u have a backup plan

[ScaredLilTurkeyKitten]

Well, we are no longer together, he was a controlling abusive person and it seems that I've gone on a 300lb diet!

[Kitten&Spice]

Well, we are no longer together, he was a controlling abusive person and it seems that I've gone on a 300lb diet!

I am sorry to hear that but I am glad you were able to get out before things got worse. Especially before the decision of being at his home essentially. I hope that things get better for you.

[Guest Malloc]

Hello,

 

I Know you’ve already found resolution, which is great; the advice throughout the thread was phenomenal. The man you described was most certainly not a daddy and had you joined him, would have likely lost yourself.

 

My little desires a live in situation where she’ll be care for and supported; she has no desire to work at this point in her life. Supporting her is not just a financial obligation however, it’s standing beside her and helping her realize the person she wants to become. She’ll be going to school, getting out into nature, socializing with her friends. When she come home, her little space is a warm and inviting safe space for her to recharge.

 

I just wanted to offer the perspective of another daddy; we support and care, we rarely (if ever) demand.

[ScaredLilTurkeyKitten]

Hello,

 

I Know you’ve already found resolution, which is great; the advice throughout the thread was phenomenal. The man you described was most certainly not a daddy and had you joined him, would have likely lost yourself.

 

My little desires a live in situation where she’ll be care for and supported; she has no desire to work at this point in her life. Supporting her is not just a financial obligation however, it’s standing beside her and helping her realize the person she wants to become. She’ll be going to school, getting out into nature, socializing with her friends. When she come home, her little space is a warm and inviting safe space for her to recharge.

 

I just wanted to offer the perspective of another daddy; we support and care, we rarely (if ever) demand.

 

Yeah thats exactly what I wanted and I want to work I just struggle to mentally have a full time job and he used that against me, in reality he wanted a slave and not a pet which is what I was excited to be. I'm hoping to find a Daddy/Owner someday who understands me and what I want just like I do with him. Just wish he didn't string me along and lie to me just to get what he wanted.

[Guest Malloc]

Yeah thats exactly what I wanted and I want to work I just struggle to mentally have a full time job and he used that against me, in reality he wanted a slave and not a pet which is what I was excited to be.

The slavery pretext definitely came through your words; very happy for you that you saw that and took a stand... you are to be respected for That. It’s his loss: a pet is so much more fulfilling

 

Good luck to you!