Exhausted Little Feeling Lost.

[AutumnsMagnolia2]

Venting 22 f little here

 

I wanted to start off by saying hello. I'm not necessarily new to this cite but I haven't been on in a long while. My name is Magnolia.

 

So I've been getting kind of fed up with ddlg. No matter how hard I try I cant find a dom that's right for me. When I meet someone naturally they can't even get into bdsm let alone ddlg. It's gotten to the point where I'm constantly questioning myself and feeling like no one could like both sides of me. I haven't been able to be babied in so long. So many doms I see are so shallow it's hard to approach people with such a judgmental mindset. I feel so lost. My current partner and I are on a break. He doesn't make me feel valued. I try so hard for him and he doesn't put much effort into us back. I told him when we first met that I wanted to be in a ddlg relationship. It's been 2 months and no matter how (or how many times) I bring it up he won't get into it. He won't talk with me about it or learn me. Whenever we hangout he just sleeps. I've done special things for him and I dont get anything in return. He's given me the best orgasms I've ever had but for some reason it seems like he's not attracted to me. Almost like he doesnt genuinely like having sex with me. After every time I try to communicate how I feel i end up just feeling like a crazy stupid head. I feel like I'm about to just say, "fuck it," and just stop telling people about it. Maybe it's just best if I'm my own caregiver from now on. I'm so tired of being let down. I'm so tired of my expectations. I'm just so tired of trying. I feel like I'm overreacting but im so overwhelmed. I just want to be someone's everything. I just want someone to be my everything. I feel like I'm asking too much. I dont know what to do or how to feel.

 

Thank you for reading if you did. I would appreciate any suggestions.

 

Xoxo

[Guest fhihfidhfd38478]

Hey Magnolia!

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel that way. You should never settle for a relationship where you don't feel valued. Finding the right person is hard, in and out of a kink community. I will be the first to tell you that there are a lot of people on this site and so many others that are shallow and centered on sex; I've had some terrible experiences and I'm not even looking for a partner!

 

Please don't read this as scolding, but I think it's important not to see people as "fake" or "real." A Dom that follows the rules of SCC, is an adult, and identifies as a Dom, is a Dom. Just like there are no "fake" littles. There are a lot of shallow people centered on sex and aesthetics, but it's important to realize that some people just want that. It's valid, it just isn't for you. You'll find people who are lifestylers, some people are just learning, some people are poly -- some people don't want a partner at all! You don't have to settle for someone who isn't what you want, but don't judge them for wanting what they do.

 

At the same time, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be someone's everything. Vanilla people struggle with this as much as we do. This is something people who have been happily married for years struggle with in times of crisis like we're living in. The way you're feeling right now is really valid, and it's evident that this person isn't the right one for you. I don't know that I can give you anything you'll find useful, but know that you're not alone. You're still young and you have the rest of your life to find that twin flame. Maybe it will help you, at least temporarily, to find a caregiver or a little friend that you can feel little with and baby each other. 

 

I hope it helped a little. <3

[AutumnsMagnolia2]

"Please don't read this as scolding, but I think it's important not to see people as "fake" or "real." A Dom that follows the rules of SCC, is an adult, and identifies as a Dom, is a Dom. Just like there are no "fake" littles. There are a lot of shallow people centered on sex and aesthetics, but it's important to realize that some people just want that. It's valid, it just isn't for you. You'll find people who are lifestylers, some people are just learning, some people are poly -- some people don't want a partner at all! You don't have to settle for someone who isn't what you want, but don't judge them for wanting what they do."

 

 

I'm so sorry if I gave off the wrong impression on this. What I meant by "fake" were doms that would lie about what they were looking for and were actually abusive instead of nurturing. I had a dom i once flew out to see, stole $1,500, and straight up abused me.

 

I would categorize "fake" doms as liars and not wanting to show their true intentions.

[AutumnsMagnolia2]

I fully understand that there are different wants between people. What is frustrating is when I explain what I want and then the other person says they want the same thing but is just blowing smoke out of their ass.

[Nymph]

YES!!! be your own caregiver!! honestly it's too hard to find someone if you don't know what to do with yourself and if you are too neglected then you will make horrible mistakes out of desperation.

 

I just want to be someone's everything. I just want someone to be my everything. I feel like I'm asking too much. I dont know what to do or how to feel.

Also as romantic as it sounds, to be someone's everything or someone's being everything to you... it can easily be translated to be codependent and that sucks. Is not a healthy relationship and that "just" gives me a huge red flag... do you "just" want someone to die for you for example? because that kinda is being someone's everything, to be unable to live without them, so yes, you are asking for too much. You probably don't mean that, but if you have ever mentioned this in your ad, profile or chat, this might be what you are communicating.

 

My guess is that you are asking for this much because you don't cherish, love and value yourself enough so you are trying to make up for it. Perhaps you need to change your priorities, look for someone who is loving and respectful, kind and understanding, someone with an open mind who is not quick to judge, someone you can look up to and that appreciates who you are. It doesn't matter if he is in the lifestyle or not as he will already have the basis to be a wonderful caregiver with labels or not and you can go from there.

 

It's ok to feel exhausted, it's very frustrating to see time fly by while you are looking for your special someone and even to have some hopeless moments. Once you find him you will feel happiness and relief beyond measure and little by little you will realize how much you learned from your experiences and how you wouldn't have found him or couldn't have made it work if you have met him before you both were ready.

 

Your current partner doesn't sound like a keeper, I would move on! it's great that he can give you orgasms, but believe me when I tell you that those orgasms are nothing compared with one with a connection.

[Guest fhihfidhfd38478]

Your current partner doesn't sound like a keeper, I would move on! it's great that he can give you orgasms, but believe me when I tell you that those orgasms are nothing compared with one with a connection.

 

Don't forget you can buy orgasms. Girl listen, if that's what keeping you around, I can toss you my Lovehoney discount code. 

 

Moreover though, I hope my original post didn't come off as mean-spirited. The idea of "fake" Doms and littles is something I might bring up on another post lately - but that isn't the point of this post, and again, please forgive me if it came off as mean. Yeah, that person was not only a fake Dom, they were an asshole who needed a police report made against them. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately abusive people like to hide behind the ruse of a healthy sexual desire and lure in unsuspecting people who are looking for a happy relationship. Those people are fake. 

 

I do think it would help to take some time for yourself. Getting out of relationships is hard, and finding a new partner right after isn't always the best idea. There's no reason to give up on your little side, though! There are lots of fun posts on the forums for getting more in touch with your little side. Knowing yourself better is a great way to find a partner that better suits your needs. 

 

Some people do say they want things, and then they either change their minds or they realize what they signed up for isn't what they wanted or it's too overwhelming or they simply don't have enough time or energy. These people aren't fake -- but they are frustrating. I know, because in my own relationship, I'm one of those people. I have a hard time making those kinds of decisions and it can be a pain in the butt for my Lady.

 

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship -- especially the one you have with yourself. Now might be a good time to evaluate what you want and need, and what you expect from a partner. That way you can weed out all the hard no's a little easier. And don't get down on yourself! Finding the perfect partner is hard. <3

[Vampiress]

I'm just gonna end up reiterating some of what was said. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for you. Either he started this with the intention to lead you on, or he decided he didn't want it after thinking he did, but has failed to communicate that with you. Both are unnacceptable. Also, if he makes you feel like you're just being used for sex and he doesn't even seem into it or into you, then you don't need that kind of thing in your life. It just fosters self-doubt and will make you feel horrible about yourself. You know what you want. You want someone to cherish you. This dude isn't it.

 

I also agree with learning to be your own caregiver. What I take from other people saying this before in other threads is that it gives you a kind of freedom because you know you can handle things yourself and be there for yourself when someone else isn't, but then at least you might not feel so attached or hang onto something much longer than you should just because you want someone to care for you that much. If you're comfortable caregiving for yourself, it's harder for a caregiver to use your need to be cared for to trap you into a negative relationship.

[Accountable Daddy]

I have to admit I get like this sometimes. Just fed up with looking and not connecting. Or connecting and something ends it for one reason or another. But then we all have breakups until we find someone who we're with for life.
I'll first say DDlg isn't for everyone and BDSM in general isn't quite for everyone. Although I think a lot of people like aspects of other interests that cross over with these (like I like traditional relationships, which provides a LOT of overlap in BDSM and DDlg in general).

With that in mind, some people just don't realize what they like. I know I didn't know anything about BDSM until my early 20s and when I did get into it, my girl at the time liked some things, but not others. And I felt awkward trying to dive in with her since we were both new and had no idea what we wanted. Another fun thing I can mention from personal experience is I had a poor view of DDlg when I first heard about it and for a long time ignored it. It took some soul searching to some degree to realize I should just try it out and found I take to it very well. Of course, this is my personal experience and not necessarily how it will go for others.

I bright this up because I wonder your partner feels about things. First off, did you meet him through channels that aren't BDSM or DDlg related? As much as it might suck, he might just have no interest in this. Or he might be able to be introduced to it and enjoy it, but might take a lot of work and it could border on just being unfair to push him toward it.

I'd take a bit to think about why you got in the relationship in the first place. What made you like him? What made you agree to have a relationship with him? And what are the highlights and things you look forward to with him that keeps you coming back for more? With those things in mind, consider how it relates to what you ultimately want. Something I'd also think about is what does he like about you? For instance, before I was into DDlg, I had a girl who liked to do calls with cam and she'd fall asleep on me while I watched her and did some work on my computer. I really enjoyed that, having no idea that sleep calls are a pretty big interest in long distance DDlg. And that's one aspect that made me really open up to trying it. It might be worth figuring out what overlaps to his interests already and what is in this kink that you want. If you can highlight those things and start to connect them for him, he might open up more to the idea.

There's also the possibility that it's just not going to happen. And you have to ask yourself in that case if you like him enough to have no DDlg or very little aspects of it. Hopefully that isn't the case, but some things just aren't for some people.