Advice for Meeting/Vetting a Daddy

[PolyMolly]

Can you share some tips for getting to know a potential Daddy or Caregiver? Like, after you've met someone and you think they *could* be a possibility but it's still too early to really dive into a dynamic. I have looked around for advice and I already know to try to take it slow, and get to know them before really getting into it. But can someone help me with ideas of how to do that?

 

Like, I want to know if the person I'm talking to is nice and kind, would be interested in taking care of me, and has some similar interests. But what are the specific do's and don'ts for avoiding jumping in too quickly? Should you wait a certain amount of time to meet irl or should you meet earlier on (safely of course) to see if there is chemistry? Are there things you can ask to help determine whether they would be a good Caregiver for you, maybe? Are there certain boundaries you should either tell them you have, or just keep for yourself?

 

Any thoughts, experiences, advice etc are welcome! Also red flags to watch for! Thank you!

[WhysperKit]

I can't say what I would do, but I can say what I did for my current Daddy (we've been married 3 years now). I first dated him for 2 months before I brought up any BDSM dynamics. After that and discussing what that meant, I brought up the potential dynamics and things I was interested in. I didn't bring it up again, I just let him do his research on his own or if he asked questions, I answered them honestly and to the best of my ability. He brought it up a couple months later after he felt he'd done enough research and wanted to start on the dynamic seriously. After that we started with DDLG and it took about a year before he felt settled enough to start on a set of rules for me at my request. 

 

Personally, the boundaries I set in the beginning have slowly changed and shifted. Initially I was very withdrawn and scared (thanks to an ex) but as we've been together longer and developed better communication, I've been more comfortable with being open and honest. 

[PolyMolly]

I can't say what I would do, but I can say what I did for my current Daddy (we've been married 3 years now). I first dated him for 2 months before I brought up any BDSM dynamics. After that and discussing what that meant, I brought up the potential dynamics and things I was interested in. I didn't bring it up again, I just let him do his research on his own or if he asked questions, I answered them honestly and to the best of my ability. He brought it up a couple months later after he felt he'd done enough research and wanted to start on the dynamic seriously. After that we started with DDLG and it took about a year before he felt settled enough to start on a set of rules for me at my request. 

 

Personally, the boundaries I set in the beginning have slowly changed and shifted. Initially I was very withdrawn and scared (thanks to an ex) but as we've been together longer and developed better communication, I've been more comfortable with being open and honest. 

Thanks for responding, Ayla! This sounds like a really healthy way to set up a DDlg relationship.

[Vampiress]

Communicating and being available as a resource is important. Don't pressure it and let them take it at their own pace. Try not to get upset if at first they feel it's a little weird or unsure, because sometimes it takes some actual research before one gets over their immediate assumptions and feel comfortable in trying it out. Also be understanding if your partner isn't open to it. If they really are not into the idea you can re-evaluate your relationship or give them some time and try again later. Sometimes a person really just needs to sit on the idea for a while before they change their mind and decide to try.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Vampiress