Holding On

[grayson218]

I have been with the same dom for a year and a half now and he used to be different but around christmas he changed. He started ignoring me and it hurt a lot. We went to college together so we saw each other every day and that was fine. He was just short tempered. And then when school was shut down communication was difficult. He and I barely saw each other and it was hurting me. And I then learned he was lying to me about where he was and cheating and I chose to forgive him. Since then it's been difficult to trust him and when I try talking to him about whats bothering me or just anything really I get cut off. At the moment he is on vacation and he will go hours without texting me. And when he does it's dry. I need help.

[RainDoeSprinkles]

Hi Grayson. I am soo sorry you are being treated this way. From what you have shared, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. It is so hard to let someone go when you have shared a lot together. There may be a lot of good memories and special times that make you feel like it's worth holding on. But it sounds like this person is giving you plenty of reasons to move on. The short tempered characteristic that was evident at the earlier stages of your relationship is a red flag. That kind of thing indicates instability and usually escalates over time. No one should ever make you feel like you are walking on eggshells. The lying, cheating, and short, dry, communication from him indicates to me that the relationship is really at an end. Even though it hurts now, you will look back later with relief that you let it end and moved on. When emotions run high, and you are still attached, it can be difficult to see the toxicity of a relationship. But given space and time to heal, and make healthy friendships, you'll be so glad you got free. Take good care of yourself, and practice lots of self compassion. Be your own Mommy/Daddy. You would only want the best for your little one. Dont settle for anything less than the best for yourself. You are loved!

[Vampiress]

The cheating and pushing you away makes it seem like he doesn't want to be in the relationship but is too much of a coward to pull the plug on the relationship himself so he's just making you miserable until you do it yourself so he isn't the "bad guy." Except he is anyways, because of all the awful things he's doing to make you feel the way you do now.

[junebug0325]

Hi Grayson. I am soo sorry you are being treated this way. From what you have shared, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. It is so hard to let someone go when you have shared a lot together. There may be a lot of good memories and special times that make you feel like it's worth holding on. But it sounds like this person is giving you plenty of reasons to move on. The short tempered characteristic that was evident at the earlier stages of your relationship is a red flag. That kind of thing indicates instability and usually escalates over time. No one should ever make you feel like you are walking on eggshells. The lying, cheating, and short, dry, communication from him indicates to me that the relationship is really at an end. Even though it hurts now, you will look back later with relief that you let it end and moved on. When emotions run high, and you are still attached, it can be difficult to see the toxicity of a relationship. But given space and time to heal, and make healthy friendships, you'll be so glad you got free. Take good care of yourself, and practice lots of self compassion. Be your own Mommy/Daddy. You would only want the best for your little one. Dont settle for anything less than the best for yourself. You are loved!

 

 

The cheating and pushing you away makes it seem like he doesn't want to be in the relationship but is too much of a coward to pull the plug on the relationship himself so he's just making you miserable until you do it yourself so he isn't the "bad guy." Except he is anyways, because of all the awful things he's doing to make you feel the way you do now.

 

These posts both explain what I have going through my head. I think he made it clear to you that he didn't care about the relationship he had with you if he decided to cheat. I believe people make mistakes, but there is always a reason behind people's actions. I know it hurts to hear, and I'm sorry this situation is happening to you.

 

Sometimes, in the early phases of a relationship, you don't get to see the whole part of someone. Once the relationship has gone through the test of time, people start to show their true colors and their real motivations and personalities start to show. I think in this case, he was good at the beginning, but over time he has really started to show his true colors.

 

I think the best move is to just break it off with him. If you can't have communication with him, which is the base of all healthy relationships, then you can't have a relationship. Without communication, there isn't a relationship. And I wouldn't feel safe being in a "vanilla" relationship with someone I can't communicate with, but a D/s dynamic exceeds that. 

 

I know this hurts to hear, and I don't ever want to tell someone what to do. But I think, being that you are feeling so hurt and heartbroken, you are probably feeling the same thing.

 

I hope this helps. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a message.

 

 

 

 

Junebug x.

[Frost Evergarden]

it does not sound like there is any redemption in the relationship. He may be with someone else now