Roles and regulations...

[MissPattch]

So, i am currently with out a partner / Daddy / Dom, but there is a guy i've been talking to for about a week or so now.  He put it to me today, that if we enter a dynamic or relationship, he might need "time off" from his role, which i totally understand, and appreciate his honesty, but at the same time, he still expects me to fulfil my role. Even though he said he would have zero contact during this time.  Part of me thinks ok, theres no problem there, and that when i need time out, i'll get it too, but the other part of me is obviously feeling a little rebellious, and says if "Daddy" isn't in his role, its ok for me not to be in mine at the same time, seeing as i would have no one there to take charge if need be. 

 

Thoughts? Opinions? cos im struggling to decide if i'm having an issue because there is issue to be had, or if i'm just being a little bit bratty and obstinate...

[RavenclawPrincess]

I can't say that I would respond any differently then you are right now. In my mind, fair is fair and if we can't interact then I should get to back off on worrying about being submissive during that period of time too. Perhaps part of the conversation could involve reaching an agreement about what rules you should still follow when you two won't be in touch. Things like following bedtime and health related rules seem reasonable. Maybe once an agreement is reached you can make a sticker chart to show you did what you were supposed to while he was unavailable so he can reward you for doing your best to maintain self-care in his absence. Surely there's a middle ground somewhere that you two could agree on. 

[MissPattch]

I'm absolutely certain there will be a middle ground somewhere, but not before some decent conversation on double standards and expectations lol. It just kind of caught me off guard today, an'd its been playing on my mind for ages. I'm ok with following the rules all the time, the bit that is niggling at me though is the zero contact thing and still being expected to comply. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

That does sound annoying. As it is, no contact is hard enough and I'm not sure how he can expect to know whether or not you're actually complying. At any rate, your feelings are valid and this sounds like something that most littles would be thrown off by. The best I can say is to try not to worry about it too much, you know how to communicate well and negotiate from what I've seen in your posts around the forum. I'm sure it'll get worked out once you two have a chance to sit down and have an in-depth conversation about it. 

[Lollipox]

Zero contact sounds weird to me. Surely you can still talk to someone even if you’re not in the Daddy role at the time.

That’s not to say it can’t work, of course. If you find it to be agreeable after your discussion with him, then do what works best for you. Cuz how you both feel is more important than what others would do.

I would have difficulty personally with someone not talking to me like that. I think silence can be very hurtful for some people.

 

I would still stick to my rules though, for my own betterment and less because of whatever they do in their end. That said, I have also given up on trying to follow rules and stuff because of the lack of interest coming from my other half.

 

What a pickle.

[Vampiress]

x

Edited December 24, 2020 by Vampiress

[Guest BrieNN]

Personally, if it's an arrangement that was negotiated and agreed upon, even if one gets to do something the other doesn't, that should be respected and held up.

 

I'm a little but find myself on the Dominant side and if my partner (who agreed to submit to me) didn't do it because they felt it was unfair, I would consider that disobedience and lack of respect for me and for the agreement that was made between us and I would be done. I would see it as bratty and I don't like it...but that's just me.

 

I'd want someone who keeps up their end of the bargain even when I'm not around. To me, that shows integrity and keeping their word.

Again, this is if I were in a similar situation and we both agreed to that kind of arrangement. And a personal take on what I would like (and I see as important), is someone who submits to me even when they don't like it or when it's not convenient or fun for them.

 

 

In your case, at least he's open about the fact that he wouldn't be in "daddy mode" all the time and he did share his expectations.

If you don't like the idea of it and don't find it fair, then I'd say tell him that and see if you can find a compromise you're both happy with or don't go further in the dynamic with him because that wouldn't work for you.

Edited August 30, 2020 by BrieNN

[Nymph]

I am the type of person that needs their space so I kinda get it and would be thankful for the heads up. When Daddy and I started dating I would always let him know if I was going to have a break from the internet, which meant I wouldn't be using my laptop or any smart feature on my phone but was always up for hearing his voice if he wanted to call. So kind of no contact on my side, but always left the door open for him, as I had nothing to hide... in my experience I am pretty weird and this kind of behavior is more often than not a married person cheating though (in which case they do not give you the freedom to call whenever)... but maybe he is a weirdo like me?

 

Also I am wondering if what he meant to say is that he would hate for you to stop being little when he is not in contact with you because it's not your fault he can't be in touch. So maybe it's not about HAVING to be in role even when he is not there, but giving you the freedom to get into it without him? I think you are making your role sound a bit of a chore... are you talking about roleplaying or is this a lifestyle for you guys? sounds like roleplaying to me and if so, it makes sense that he would have to go no contact to "not break the fantasy" when he is unable to get into it or even wanting to pretend there is no more to you than that, so even if you don't stay in role, you would not bring up anything about your life and ruin the fantasy when you talk again.

[RainDoeSprinkles]

I agree with what Nymph said about him possibly being married. Consistency is so important in a DDlg dynamic. The fact that he is making inconsistency part of the plan from the very start is a red flag for sure. I would walk away from this one. Save your time, energy, and love for the right Daddy! Edited August 30, 2020 by RainDoeSprinkles

[Kitten&Spice]

Edited August 31, 2020 by PupAdrian

[daddymind]

And a personal take on what I would like (and I see as important), is someone who submits to me even when they don't like it or when it's not convenient or fun for them.

 

That is the true test.

 

To the OP, if he's been forthright with his expectations, and you clearly value that, the ball is in your court. You need to decide if his demands are reasonable and acceptable. This is the crucial time for that decision or any negotiation to be made. But of course take as much time over it as you need. I don't want to frame relationships as a business transaction. But personally I do find laying down some "terms and conditions", based on what both partners expect, to be important. The earlier this happens the better, and it can save you a LOT of anguish in the longer term.

Edited September 5, 2020 by daddymind