Getting over trauma from this community because I want to come back into it

[SmolGoth]

So when I was younger I had some bad things happen to me because of people who hid under this community .. I want to get back into this community but it's hard for me because I feel guilty after having had been against it for so long because of my trauma .. Does anyone else relate , and maybe can tell me things they did to push that trauma away to get back to what they love ? Please don't be mean to me .. Thank you. <3

[Guest Dandy Blob]

Don't push your trauma away. That can & usually does make it worse as time goes on.   

 

If you are able to, I'd suggest talking to a mental health professional, honestly (I have heard of many people using BetterHelp because it can be more affordable but I know there are other options available). When it comes to trauma it's really important to let yourself work through it and heal in a safe environment (with someone you trust & can rely on), and sometimes it can take a while too, depending on the trauma & what else you may have going on at the time. You can even find counselors with a trauma informed approach, which means they work with you to get to the base of that trauma and work on dismantling that trauma. It can be incredibly helpful!

 

Other than that, my advice to you is to go slowly & be patient with yourself if you aren't ready for certain things as soon as you used to be or want to be. Don't force things if they are making you feel uncomfortable or are too triggering, while it's often a good idea to push yourself out of your comfort zone & deal with your triggers vs ignoring them completely, you do have to tread carefully or you could make things worse.

 

Sorry I can't be of more help, but please try to see if you can talk to a professional. I know it can be expensive but if you keep an open mind & are willing to work with them they can be an amazing resource in so many situations.

[princess cotton grass]

your story is very touching for me because it bears a strong resemblance to my own. i spent a long time hating myself and feeling so guilty and ashamed over my littlespace like you have. hopefully i can provide a little help ♡

 

first of all, you're amazing. living with this stuff is so so difficult and you are so strong for surviving it. you deserve to heal and find happiness. be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time and dedication to grow and blossom ♡

 

the most helpful thing for me starting out was making friends. it's a great way to ease yourself back into the community with people that you trust but don't have to be committed romantically or s*xually to. having that support system that understands your ddlg side is really important. the best place to befriend people on the forum is in the chat and there are lots of groups and servers on the social media page.

 

make sure that you know your boundaries and that you are firm with them. like any community, ddlg has plenty of creeps and assholes. it's important to tell people if they are making you uncomfortable or block them if they don't respect your boundaries. the last thing i'd want is for you to have another negative experience that scares you away from ddlg even further.

 

once you've found people that you feel comfortable around, you might want to consider introducing a dom into your life. of course, you must take your time with yourself and don't let anyone rush you. for me, having a dom was the best thing for making myself comfortable with my littlespace again. it took me a long time to call him anything close to daddy and sometimes i would shut him out when my guilt crept back in but he was (and still is) always there for me, even on my off days. ddlg relationships are incredibly intimate and trust is the most vital factor. you shouldn't do anything that feels unnatural or unsafe. if you are with a dom, you should maintain your support system of ddlg friends for when you ever have questions or need advice.

 

i hope this helps. i wish only the best for you ♡

[Vampiress]

I'm not sure what you went through, but I can relate because trauma from when I was younger made me avoid this community for years. When I was very little my dad sexually abused me many, many times. When I was older and first heard of this community I thought it was wrong and messed up. I assumed, like many, that it was a community fetishizing children and incest. I did not dig into it deeper at the time because I didn't want to be triggered by it so I just avoided it and kind of silently hated it. It was until years later that I started reading more about it because it kept coming up with BDSM stuff I was looking at, and I kept looking into it more because I couldn't understand why so many people like something that seemed so wrong (to me). I was pleasantly surprised to find that the core community doesn't condone those horrible things at all. Yes, there are people who hide in this community and use it to cover the horrible things they are into, but for the most part people here can be very wonderful and are VERY protective over children. Just because there are bad people hiding in the community does not mean they represent the community. You will find a lot written out there about how the community is very against sexualizing children and I never see anyone here promoting incest. CG/l is between consenting adults, never involving minors. I'm sorry that someone hid in this community and hurt you, but going forward remember they are the exception and not the rule, and if they did something really wrong they don't belong in this community at all. If you feel you belong here, however, then you are of course super welcome and we'd be happy to have you here.

[Guest xodoe]

[junebug0325]

Heya,

 

I first want to start off by saying thanks for posting about this. I know it's super hard to post about trauma you've experienced, especially when it relates to this community. 

 

Your story is very similar to mine, and others who have commented before me. Before I met my Daddy, my ex and I were in a D/s relationship, and he abused me for the entire time we were dating. Me being new to that realm at the time, let him take advantage of me and abuse me, while passing it off as parts of that dynamic. He called himself a Master but he was not. He abused me, mentally, physically, emotionally, for the entire time we were dating.

 

It made it very hard to get back into the community after that. I had very misconstrued ideas and thoughts related to the community. Thankfully, though, I met a mental health professional and was able to slowly ease back into the community again, this time being more focused on the DDLG/CGL side.

 

There is no right answer for how to deal with the trauma, unfortunately. My best advice is to see professional help in regards to your trauma, and once you are feeling more comfortable, to ease yourself into the community. A great way to do this is by participating in forums, being active on social media forums and accounts, meeting people within the community that you relate to, and even joining groups that are in your area to have munches or meet ups. 

 

Also, just know that there are a ton of amazing people in this community that are here to support you and encourage you, and that will happily welcome you into the community.

 

I hope this helps.

 

 

 

Junebug x.  

[Bearly]

Probably unrelated trauma but I have been getting over a phobia related to babies and reproduction. I had nightmares about it when I first joined this community because littles often associate with baby things, but I sought out fun casual interactions and have gotten more comfortable here. It really helps to make lowkey friends who aren't close enough to hurt you and eventually choose to get closer to people in the community.