My little left me for someone else

[Beatsmaniax95]

Hello, my name is Vincent. I’m 18 years old and my little got me into ddlg. I’m very new to this kind of stuff so I was trying my best with what she told me and what I could learn. Everything was great until about two months ago she broke up with me and got with a 41 year old man named Marcus. I never felt so betrayed and so horrible in my life. This is only the short of what I had done to her, but she told me that I neglected her and I always yelled at her when she was little. I have heard the yelling part before from her and it always made me feel so horrible because I’m not meaning to yell. I always tried using a stern voice as my daddy voice but apparently that wasn’t good. And the neglect was all my fault because I was stupid and played my games and hung out with my friends more than I spent time with her. I’m in love with her, I always have been and I still am. I still cry myself to sleep every night because of the amount of guilt I have weighing on me. I have had thoughts of suicide but I didn’t want to make her life worse by putting that guilt on her. So I still haven’t. I really want to make it up to her, but she doesn’t trust me and fell out of love for me. She also said that she’s happy with her new daddy and that he treats her well. But the things she stated about him were exactly what I did with her. And it really hurts that she gives him credit for treating her well when I always treated her like a princess. I’ve tried to tell her that humans make mistakes and they learn from them. But she wouldn’t listen. She says she isn’t ready to get back together with me and that always scares me because I don’t know if she ever will be. I just wish she would forgive me and take me back. I’ve already dealt with so much as of lately, and I’ve been through so much. I just want my baby back to comfort me and tell me I’m doing a good job. I wish we had better communication. If we did none of this would’ve happened. DDLG community, is there any way that she could come back to me? Or is there any chance? She said she was happy before but it was only recently that she stopped being happy. I’ve done so much for her and cherished every moment I had with her. If I wasn’t so irresponsible and stupid none of this would’ve happened. I think everything is my fault and that I deserved to be alone. But on the other hand I want her back. She is the ONLY woman I love and want. She did so much with me and I showed her my vulnerable side because she showed hers. And I don’t do that with a lot of people, in fact she was the only one I had shown that side to. DDLG community, what should I do? Could she come back to me?

[MasterPhotog]

Hey Vincent, 

Thanks for being brave enough to reach out. 

 

People leave their partners for many reasons; sometimes due to fault of the partner, other times for just wanting a change for their own reasons. 

The important thing to know and to accept is that the 'other' person either wants out or is already out.

Ideally, it's best if both parties work out their issues and make the relationship work, however if the other person wants out or is already out, there's no other option but to accept and move on or risk living in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. 

 

You said that you had 'thoughts of suicide but didn’t want to make her life worse by putting that guilt on her'. That's a great thought.
However, why would you even consider ending your life for someone who left you? 

 

My suggestion to you is that learning being a life-long process, if you think you could improve yourself, that's great, go for it. 

 

Since you love her, let her feel that you're more than happy to let her make a choice for herself. In the mean time, enjoy life, meet amazing people on this Forum and outside. You will be surprised how may absolutely amazing people are there. 

 

Take care of yourself and continue being strong. Feel free to DM me if I can be of further help. 

Edited August 8, 2020 by MasterPhotog

[Beatsmaniax95]

Hey Vincent,

Thanks for being brave enough to reach out.

 

People leave their partners for many reasons; sometimes due to fault of the partner, other times for just wanting a change for their own reasons.

The important thing to know and to accept is that the 'other' person either wants out or is already out.

Ideally, it's best if both parties work out their issues and make the relationship work, however if the other person wants out or is already out, there's no other option but to accept and move on or risk living in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.

 

You said that you had 'thoughts of suicide but didn’t want to make her life worse by putting that guilt on her'. That's a great thought.

However, why would you even consider ending your life for someone who left you?

 

My suggestion to you is that learning being a life-long process, if you think you could improve yourself, that's great, go for it.

 

Since you love her, let her feel that you're more than happy to let her make a choice for herself. In the mean time, enjoy life, meet amazing people on this Forum and outside. You will be surprised how may absolutely amazing people are there.

 

Take care of yourself and continue being strong. Feel free to DM me if I can be of further help.

 

Thanks for expressing your opinion, yes I have found that there are a lot of really great people in this community. And I’m not sure if she wants to ever be with me again or not. I hope she does someday because I really really miss taking care of her and being her daddy. And the thing about it is that we were in highschool and that we really connected there. I really really wish she takes me back someday. But still thank you so much for your input. I appreciate it.

Edited August 9, 2020 by Beatsmaniax95

[DerbyNerd]

Hi Vincent 

 

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now with the breakup. I know breakups hurt and are super though but I think you are seeing things very black and white right now and contradicting yourself. 

 

So you said that she got you into DDLG - is it actually something that you on your own are now interested in, or was it something that you just did/wanted to do for her? If you don't have a genuine interest then that may be where some of the issues came from (don't get upset by this please, I'm just trying to get a clear picture).

 

You did say you would often leave her alone to play games with your friends, I can only assume she asked you to do this less and you didn't listen? (once again just trying to get a clear picture) If this is the case then that's a need that she wasn't getting met. You're young so this isn't unusual behaviour but us littles can be needier than normal. 

 

With the things that she's now mentioning that her new daddy is doing that you said you also did - is it possible he is doing these things with greater consistence and regularity than you did and that is what is making the difference. Let me give you and example; I would prefer to get consistent, regular texts that I can rely on daily from my daddy about nothing important rather than a text only every few days but that is full of important stuff - IDK if that makes sense. But lets say that one of the things you did was watch little movies with her (just as an example) maybe this new daddy makes a time each week that she can count on to do that activity and always communicates well if he can't make it and will set up an alternative time - so same activity but 2 different consistencies - it would make a lot of difference. 

 

Ok so this is the bit where you lose me a little - you say you don't want to put guilt on her about your suicidal thoughts - kinda good thought pattern there BUT!!!! Your suicidal thoughts are not her fault and aren't her issue to fix - these should not be mentioned to her and defiantly should not be given as a reason she should take you back. 

 

Wanting her back to comfort you and tell you that you're doing a good job is not a good basis for a relationship. If all she is to you is reassurance then that never going to be enough. 

 

You're very young, I think you need to take some time for yourself and discover what you like and want. I know right now it feels like she is the only one and that you won't be happy without her but that's not true. I'd try being alone and working on yourself for a while first. Get some help for your mood and whatever other stress is going on right now and once you feel stable then you can think about dating etc. 

 

Will she ever take you back? Maybe, but maybe she really is happy with this other guy and its the right place for her right now. Even if she does take you back then as her potential daddy (and for yourself - you're important) it's healthy to get yourself some help.

[Vampiress]

Hello! I want to say I am sorry you are hurting and missing your former little so much, I understand that can be a very painful process, especially trying to get over your first.

 

I think more than anything you need to work on yourself. If you are interested in DD/lg in general you need to do some learning and figure out what kind of Daddy you want to be, and what kinds of needs littles may want and what you think you can and cannot meet. It's okay to have certain needs you feel you can't meet because not everyone is going to be compatible. If she ever changes her mind and decides to try again with you at least you will be more prepared to handle the situation better than before. If she never comes back, at least you'll still be working on getting yourself to a better place for the future.

 

Her leaving over things like spending time with friends and gaming is a discussion that should've had some kind of compromise between you two, and if you cannot come to compromises on things like that it is a sign you may not be compatible. You both have needs and neither of those needs are invalid. I think a lot of us littles can be pretty clingy and sometimes we have to reign it in a little bit especially if we start to take away from the time our Caregiver needs for themselves. It's okay to game and have time with friends and other stuff by yourself, but always make an effort to give your little time as well. It's all about a healthy balance which can be difficult to find, but with some effort isn't impossible to figure out.

 

I want to say because you are so young and this was your first DD/lg relationship it's okay if ultimately she doesn't come back. I know right now the idea seems unfathomable and hurts, but you are young and perhaps this relationship was just meant to be a lesson and a way for you to learn how to better yourself. I know you love her a lot, but it's okay to also move on after a while and find happiness with someone else. It's also okay if she has done the same. Since you do want to try to get with her though, it doesn't help to bother her about it too much or seem desperate. That usually doesn't work out at all. You can't pressure her too much, only just let her know enough that you do care but otherwise let her do her thing while you do yours. It is unfair of her to talk to you about how things he does is so much better when she knows you're hurting and wanting her back.

Right now, just work on you and figure out more of who you are and what you want in a relationship in general. It'll help a lot whether you get with her or someone else. Good luck!

[Beatsmaniax95]

Thank you all so much for your input. It means a lot to see many people looking at both sides. And to further explain this, yes I am genuinely interested and really got into ddlg as time went on. I find it very enjoyable to take care of my little. And also I am in the process of moving on now so I can keep my mind off of it. And yeah I agree it wasn’t fair for her to say how much better someone was than I was while she knows how much pain I’m in. But that’s fine because I’ve decided to give her some space. I’m going to let her do whatever she wants with her life, and if she comes back that’s great, if not, it wasn’t meant to be. Again thank you all for your support, I appreciate it.