LDR loneliness

[Daisyj89]

Hewwo, I didn't really know where to put this im really new to the forum. But I just felt like ranting to someone. I have a daddy and at first I felt like it was great. But then I just started to feel empty I guess. After looking more into this constant feeling after play I realized it was sub-drop. So I tried to express that to him and I thought he understood like really understood but then the next time we played afterwards he just went to sleep. I cried and then I got angry I felt dirty for allowing myself to go through it again. So I started avoiding play and sending him pictures. I was tired of feeling that way. But that didn't last long because I felt guilted into showing him pictures again. I have high anxiety and my own issues at home so I tried telling him I just felt like a toy. I feel that way as I'm typing this. I just keep thinking I'm a bad little and I'm basically only good for my body. I try doing other activities with him but it never happens.

 

What do I do? Is there something I can do?

[baby_k]

Talk with him, and express your emotions and how horrible you feel. Tell him that you can't do these and these things as you feel so bad ( be more descriptive if possible! ). It's good to use the pattern of: "I feel/see myself/ _________ when you _________".

 

In case he doesn't care, you should consider dropping that rel, or at least decline to do anything that will in the end make you feel bad. You need to set boundaries for your own benefit. Where as if he cares about you, he will at least try to understand you -for anyone saying that they feel like toy or used or bad should create that effect. ( Note: sometimes it requires more than just one talk to get the actual impact you wish to see ).

 

If your rel is not bringing much to the table for you, you need to think if it is really worth it.

 

Also: you do not owe anyone, not even your daddy or bf, any nudes or sexual stuff unless you want it yourself. You are responsible of yourself first, your own happiness and that you won't break your own sexuality by doing things you are not comfortable with. And no one should ever try to pressure or manipulate you to think you need to do thigns that you don't want to when it comes sex.

[Punographer]

 

I’ll skip over the talk to him approach covered by previous posts.

 

Another option is find a mediator or even ask a Dominant to explain to him what happened and why you’re feeling the way you are. Perhaps utilizing someone with more knowledge can be a basis for “this is how we do it better/healthier” vs “You’re wrong, I’m right.”

 

I do highly suggest that anyone new to kink find a mentor of the same type (ie doms with doms and subs with subs).

 

Last note, it’s okay to show him how angry and hurt you are. People often brush things off until they physically see that what they are doing is causing harm/big reaction. It’s also healthy to express those feelings and not bottle them up. It’s hard sometimes to feel like a valued human being when you’re being overtly sexualized and even more so by someone you care about. If things don’t change, I highly suggest taking a break from this person.

 

As a friend, I would have told you to drop the guy already. There are genuine people in this world who will listen and really care about you and if you have the patience and discipline to avoid fuck boys until then, you’ll definitely find him!

[Alaskan Daddy]

The first thing I will tell you is that your feelings matter and you have got to believe your feelings matter. I don't know if your daddy is very selfish or if he really does not understand you. Either way your emotional needs and desires are not being met by him. Based on what you have said he may never change or understand what you really need from him. That does not make him a bad person. It just may mean that he is not the right daddy for you,  I know that your feelings are real when you stated you felt like a bad little. Read your words, you know what triggers these feelings inside of you.

I feel you have two choices. One is try to have one more heart to heart talk with your daddy about how you feel and see how things go, but do not allow him to trigger those terrible empty feelings. The other choice is to walk away from the relationship knowing in your heart that you tried your best and that he is not the right daddy for you. I know it may be hard for you, but you need to try and be in control of any sexual encounters you have and make sure that they are satisfying for you also. Make any man you have in your life earn any trust you may give them. Be selfish with what you want and desire in any relationship. Let them know what your needs and desires are and don't be afraid to walk away if they cannot meet them. Look at the strength it took to write this posting. Carry that strength into your relationship and good things will happen

[Guest littlebabyslittlespace]

Like others said, your feelings matter and you are valid. Sub drop can be a real issue for some people, it is for me and can last the whole night. If your Daddy doesn't respect it then maybe he isn't the one. Fair enough if he maybe doesn't get it like he says he does, try talking to him again. But after that, he should understand better, and if he refuses to then there is an issue. Also, please don't let him guilt you into sending any photos, videos or messages you don't want to do. He may be your Daddy but your body is yours and you are in control of it. A real Daddy wouldn't guilt you into this. If this is how you feel from an online LDR, ask yourself if it's worth it for someone who isn't trying to accommodate to your needs. Do you see this relationship lasting forever? I used to have subdrop with my ex all the time, sounds like it was a similar situation. Luckily I'm not in that relationship anymore and I'm with someone who truly does understand the drop and provides top notch after care every single time. I'm always here if you want to talk privately, my socials are below x

[Guest littlebabyslittlespace]

Also, you aren't a bad little at all, and it's not true that you're only good for your body. I'm sorry you feel that way, it makes me sad you're with someone who causes those thoughts he might not be a bad guy, I'm not saying he is. He might be the loveliest person ever. But these thoughts aren't right and he needs to step up a bit and cater to this

[Vampiress]

You definitely need to have a very serious conversation with him. Either he doesn't understand or he doesn't care. If he doesn't care, then move on because he shouldn't be making you feel so bad that you think you're a bad little or only good for your body (this isn't true AT ALL). If he does care, he'll prove it to you by listening and making a visible effort to change and help you during your sub drop. Be careful of empty promises, though. If he says he'll do it and then doesn't do anything at all, then I'd argue that he doesn't care but wants you to stick around to use you. It's quite possible you two want something very different in this relationship. It's clear what you want but he might only be into DD/lg for the physical satisfaction of it and not all of the other aspects of it. DD/lg or BDSM can be a very quick path to immediate satisfaction when the Daddy/Dom is in control and so some like it for this very reason. I would say to stick to not giving him photos and that other stuff he wants until he proves to you that he's going to do better. You're only hurting yourself and enabling him by continuing to give him what he wants.