Struggling being 'little/middle' around SO

[Guest Dandy Blob]

Basically anytime my boyfriend is around if I am feeling little/middle I immediately snap out of it & am thrown back into adult mode unceremoniously (even if he texts or calls) and it really is hard on me (I feel very disoriented afterwards for a few hours when it happens). I have been slipping into it a lot right before he gets home from work, but as soon as I hear his vehicle outside the house I snap back out of it even if I don't want to.

 

I am pretty sure this all stems from my upbringing, children were seen & not heard...and I was severely neglected for most of my childhood & teen years (basically spent any time not in school in my room alone & told to entertain myself). I am finding it fairly frustrating as I want to share this with him (he is curious too but more being 'daddy' one day maybe) but it happens SO quickly I don't even have a chance to try to stop it or do anything to slow it down.

 

Any advice/suggestions would be amaaaazing. ♥

Edited July 28, 2020 by Apple Sauce Dandy

[Pupperoo]

All I can think of is trying to make him coming home a positive 'little' experience. But that would probably have to involve him making an effort to greet you as a little or such when he comes home or calls or texts, which might be awkward if you ever end up not being able to be little when he does text/call/come home. Since he is curious, try to see if he could at least try to do something like that.

[Guest Dandy Blob]

All I can think of is trying to make him coming home a positive 'little' experience. But that would probably have to involve him making an effort to greet you as a little or such when he comes home or calls or texts, which might be awkward if you ever end up not being able to be little when he does text/call/come home. Since he is curious, try to see if he could at least try to do something like that.

Thank you, that is a good idea! Maybe if I send him some sort of message when I feel I am going into little/middle space if he will be home soon, then he will have an idea about it.

[Nymph]

You are being self conscious and that is normal. We all take our time to warm up to someone, takes a bit of extra effort to be open even to people we love with such vulnerable part of ourselves because we are afraid of rejection.

 

How do you think he will take it? why do you think this way? do you feel ashamed? why?

 

If you have been together for a while, you probably have slipped into little mode at some point even for a moment without realizing, probably didn't realize because he didn't make a big deal out of it and you did not notice since there was not a clear sign that you "messed up"... it's not messing up though.

 

You may want to try do something cutesy/childish while you are in adult mode in front of him. Something blatantly obvious like playing a barbie game right next to him, and if he asks about it then be honest and just say you really like it, if he doesn't say anything then start doing other stuff you might do while in little space so you can see for yourself it's not a big deal, and if needed to you could have a talk about it. This way you will not freak out on little mode because you will slowly realize there is no need to hide

[Guest Dandy Blob]

You are being self conscious and that is normal. We all take our time to warm up to someone, takes a bit of extra effort to be open even to people we love with such vulnerable part of ourselves because we are afraid of rejection.

 

How do you think he will take it? why do you think this way? do you feel ashamed? why?

 

If you have been together for a while, you probably have slipped into little mode at some point even for a moment without realizing, probably didn't realize because he didn't make a big deal out of it and you did not notice since there was not a clear sign that you "messed up"... it's not messing up though.

 

You may want to try do something cutesy/childish while you are in adult mode in front of him. Something blatantly obvious like playing a barbie game right next to him, and if he asks about it then be honest and just say you really like it, if he doesn't say anything then start doing other stuff you might do while in little space so you can see for yourself it's not a big deal, and if needed to you could have a talk about it. This way you will not freak out on little mode because you will slowly realize there is no need to hide

Thanks for your thoughts on this!! 

 

I am not worried at all what he will think or how he'll take it, he had seen me slip into little space often while I was going through chemo & having other health struggles (I don't remember much but he would tell me about it and this is how I ended up learning that this is actually a thing & not just me being immature) and he had no issues with it, and was/is very excited to explore more of it with me. I don't feel ashamed at all, but after thinking about it more since making this post I do think it is fear that is getting in the way. Not of him being upset or not liking it, but I think it's the fear I would feel as a child when my parents would come home and I'd get scolded for playing with toys or making up songs by myself in my bedroom & being too loud. I honestly know he would have no issues with anything I would do while feeling little, but I think while being little some of that comes back, so hearing the vehicle door shut or the front door unlocking reminds me of being young and not being able to do these things & being scolded for it. I definitely do feel that moment of panic, like "Oh no mom & dad are going to get mad at me. I need to get a book and pretend I was reading & not playing." but I hadn't really realized it until I thought more about it last night.

 

I really love your idea of doing cutesy/childish things while I'm in adult mode around him, that is honestly such a great idea and it hadn't even crossed my mind. I do have some little games I play on my phone or on the computer that can make me start to feel little or are just more geared towards kids than adults, etc, so I will have to give that a try!

[Vampiress]

I really relate to this a lot. My family forced me to start growing up at an extremely young age and I've had to deal with very adult things my entire life. I would get mocked, chastized, and scolded for ever being more like a kid. I was always encouraged to go for more academic and adult/mature things.  I wish I had the answers on how to help you with this but I think the above suggestions are really good. Just know you're not alone. I do sincerely believe you will find a way to get more comfortable in little space with him. Luckily he sounds like the encouraging type and his excitement should be a big help as you try out the above suggestions. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can find comfort in littlespace with him.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Vampiress

[Vampiress]

Thank you so much! While I am sorry that someone else was forced to grow up quickly without experiencing their childhood, I do feel better that someone else can relate to & understand my struggles. I also hope you can start feeling more comfortable with your own little space as well! I think we both deserve it.

 

I agree, we do deserve it! If you ever need to vent to someone who relates to your struggle feel free to message me.