Sad and confused

[CherieBits]

I'm sorry if this wasn't the right section to put this in, I'm just really sad and confused... I'm not sure what it is I should do...

 

My Daddy and I have been playing a game together for a little over a month now, and it's been great fun... But about a week ago, I said/did something really stupid while we were playing the game, and it made my daddy really really upset with me...

 

It took a few days, but he finally accepted my apology, and at first I thought things were OK again, but... I don't think they are... A day or two after the apology, we were talking about playing the game together again, and it seems like he doesn't want to play the game with me anymore, because I ruined it... It's not that that particularly bothers me it's just... Yes, of course I want to keep playing the game with him, but if my presence is going to make the game less enjoyable, than I'm okay with the fact that he maybe doesn't want to play with me anymore...

 

But aside from that, we've not really talked in a voice call since the initial incident... And I feel very sad and lonely about it... We talk a lot through IMs (Steam), but... It's all very general, things like how our days were, and simple things that annoy us like the fact that I was supposed to have a guy come and repair something with my window, and he never showed... and we haven't really even said our normal good nights, aside from one single night... I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do...

 

I'm terrified that I might have really blown it this time. I don't want to be with anybody other than him... And I'm so scared to try and tell him how I'm feeling right now... 1) because I'm scared to know what he'd respond with... and 2) I don't want to cause any problems for him...

 

We had another falling out a few months ago, even now I'm not really sure what caused it, he never really told me what had caused him to be so upset at the time, and I didn't want to pry too much in fear of upsetting him even more if it wasn't something he wanted to talk about... But long story short, it caused me to be very very upset, and have anxiety for days, barely eat, crying myself to sleep, etc. When I told him about how I was feeling with all of that, he seemed to take it really hard, and he started to question things like if I was happy with him...

 

I told him yes, of course, and we got it all resolved. Things have been wonderful since then, but now...

 

With this current situation, I'm having very similar feelings... I'm having trouble getting to sleep at night, I'm having trouble eating properly, I'm crying... a lot... I'm just... I don't know what to do to fix everything... I just want everything to be okay again... I'm sorry for the slight rambling, I just really needed to vent...

[SmolAetherr]

you should consider just bringing it up, the more you think about it the more scary it will be

 

it could be that he is feeling shame for how he acted and it trying to be distant to avoid hurting you more or he could be trying to control his feelings about the incident but either way i dont think thats healthy its always better to have a calm conversation than to avoid it entirely

[Vampiress]

You need to talk to him about it no matter how hard it is, or it's just going to linger and make you feel worse, and he can't do anything to resolve it with you unless he knows how you're feeling.

[Little kaiya]

Relationships are a two way street in that as much as you don't want to cause any problems for him, he also shouldn't be wanting to cause problems for you.

 

Being scared to talk to one's partner is something that always makes me cringe when I read it. You should NEVER be scared to share your feelings with your partner. A bit nervous, sure, but scared is an awfully big word.

 

Also, if a relationship is making you feel lonely and scared that kind of says something very concerning in and of itself.

[DerbyNerd]

I'd like a little more context about the initial incident - you said you did/said something stupid during a game (I'm assuming a video game) and that it 'ruined' the game for him. I'm wondering how he is justifying that you ruined it. Because to me it sounds like he might be over reacting and using silence as a punishment (which is NOT cool ever!) rather than being a man and talking about what upset him and figuring out a way to resolve the issue so that everyone can feel better. 

[CherieBits]

Yes, we were playing a video game. It's not really that he's directly saying I've ruined it for him, it's just the feeling I've gotten. I apologized a couple days after the incident, we talked about it, and I thought everything was fine, but a couple days later, he brought up something along the lines of not doing our duos anymore (as in, playing our characters together). We talked about it again a couple days after that, and he said he'd think about it... but that's still just the feeling I get. He's not been saying it directly, but with the way he's been wording things, it's just how it comes across; that due to my actions, I'd made it so that our gaming experience was no longer fun. Am I reading too much into it?? Possibly, but it still makes me feel a little bit worried..

 

In short, we did talk about it, and I know what it was that I did and why it made him upset. He's not saying any of these things directly, they're just kind of like... hunches, I guess.

 

Also, in response to another previous comment, regarding my fears of talking to him, it's not really that I'm scared of HIM, or anything like that, I can usually be very open with him. It's just... I reach a point where there's that little demon whispering in my ear that tells me I'm stupid for being so upset, or that my sensitivity and all that stuff is going to ultimately end up driving him away because it's too much, and so that kind of stuff just... silences me I guess, and makes it really hard for me to try and bring feelings up, once they get to a certain level of bad...

 

I'm sorry if any of this is jumbled.. I have a hard time getting my thoughts into words, so somethings they come out kinda messy, and maybe not easily understandable...