new little, paranoid

[Selene R]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm new to the ddlg community and am really excited to learn and explore! However, I'm paranoid and worried about friends or family finding out (or possible future employers??).

 

I don't know how much I should reveal about myself, but I know it won't be fulfilling unless I can be completely safe and honest. 

 

Anyone else feel like this at the beginning?

Any advice??

 

Thank you so much!

 

--Selene

[RavenclawPrincess]

I think this gets into general online safety territory and basic things you can do to protect your privacy. For starters, I see that you have what I assume is your photo as your profile picture. That's a sure fire way to get identified as a kinkster if any friends or family end up coming across the forum one way or another and taking a look. Don't publicly share your social media/personal contact information. Delete your browser history as needed/don't leave the forum up on your device if you walk away when others are around. 

 

In terms of little space, you can easily hide your gear as needed, and that's even easier if you don't live with family or friends. In that case, you have your entire home to find hiding spots for when you have company over. I know a lot of people that use lock boxes, even if it's just for pacis or coloring book type of stuff so that's an option too. Don't make a point to talk about kink related things and it isn't likely that people will assume much of anything in that regard. 

 

Ultimately, I don't think you need to be worried at all. Most of the steps you should be taking to protect your privacy are common sense and I'm sure you can pull off keeping this very private aspect of your life away from the people that you don't want to know about it. 

[baby_k]

I would add that don't share pics with people you don't yet know well ( every once in awhile you read about there asses who try to blackmail or threathen to publish the pics of their ex-partners ), NEVER share nudes/kink related pics with your face on the pic. So, share pics that you could share anyhow or pics that cannot be easily linked to you.

 

When instant messaging with people, use platforms that allow you to have nick. Don't share phone number or your "vanilla" social media or any other personal information.

 

Do not share information that makes it easy to find you online ( like what school you go, what is your workplace, specific work tittle, year when you have started school, name.... ).

 

Consider when you are willing to do things such as video chat and what you share in those as you can't know who might record and what, or take screen captures. Same applies just texts and pictures. Also, even if you would trust the other person, tech is not that trustworthy, so forexample using cloudservices is always risk ( companies may claim to be 120% secure, and then you notice that they have some massive information leak ).

 

If you want to go even further, can use VPN, use only specific devices to access sites and so forward if you want to make it harder to track you ( note that if you use for example facebook and have this site on other tab, it is pretty linkable info then ). But this probably goes waaayyyyy beyond what you were asking, so let's not go there

 

I'm bit of tinfoil hat but there also is tons of people who are the opposite, and some of those even try to force their ideas on others. This site doesn't have it really but elsewhere I have seen lot of these battles of "if you don't have your face pic in your profile, you are fake/horrible/not real/catfish.... These people should be banned". Please ignore those and protect your own privacy and safety. You have right and even responsability to do so. And you share your information to people when you feel ready, not when they want it ( as at least I have encoutered a lot of people who do not respect my limits of not sharing things untill I feel that I know the other person but try to manipulate etc. me to share that info, or who bash me for not sharing my first name for example ).

[Pupperoo]

I personally think that it's a worry a lot of people in any form of BDSM community feels at first. For many, even if it is a kink, considers it a lifestyle and don't want to have to hide it. But the sad reality is that we have to either take the risk of losing out of stuff IRL if we want to be fully open, or play it safe and just keep it online and with people we trust. You simply have to outweigh the risks of how you want to live this part of your life. 

Also remember that the more friends you get in the community, and once you get a CG, the need to share it with everyone and be your little self everywhere goes away a bit because you get a whole other level of satisfaction from other sources.

Of course, these are just my two cents.

[Kitten&Spice]

I am glad you joined the forum! I think it is good to be cautious and I agree with what was mentioned before about not sharing your personal information and deleting your history as needed! I am not completely sure about your living situation but hopefully you can get some gear without fear of someone finding out! If you are not in a place you know you can freely buy things you can always do small things! Stuffies, bubble baths, cute clothing, and even little recipes! The possibilities are endless!

 

Also it is very important that you take your time and be patient! The less information you post on here the better! And when it comes to you getting a cg at some point starting off with small things in the beginning and building trust over time is best! I wouldn’t worry about your work looking into this unless of course you use a work computer to sign in. It is invasion of privacy for them to go through your accounts and history so really that wouldn’t happen.

 

Hopefully this helped a little bit!