Being a little and having children

[Chiby]

I am a little/middle that don't have a Dom and as such I do wish to find a caregiver. But I have noticed not only in the ddlg community, but in dating and love searching in general that it's hard, nearly impossible to find someone when you have children.

 

I have started to tell that I have children immidietly because that way I won't be hurt when the one I talk to state that

" I don't want to have children"

 

"I don't want to take care of someone else's kid"

 

" I'm not ready for a relationship with children"

 

Or my favourite

" I don't want to have used goods"

 

Once a dude I was dating had the nerve to say to me that he could be with me if I put up my kids for adoption. Natrually I politely asked him to fuck off.

 

 

It works. Its better to not have the time to get attached before dropping the bomb of me having children.

 

And I understand those who don't want to have a relationship with someone that have children. I really do.

 

But I can't help but to be frustrated.

I'm searching for love. But because I have children it feels like I'm being left out of that possibility.

 

But I have often heard that I'm a milf.

So im good for sex but not to love.

I love my children and would be prepared to be alone the rest of my life if that is what is to be.

 

But it still hurts.

 

Is there other singles DD or lg that have seen the same pattern?

Am I just having bad luck? Or is this something that is normal?

 

I'm quite distressed about this and have started to lose hope for my happy ever after.

[Guest Geektastic Lulu]

Please don't lose hope. One day you will find a DD that will love your children like their own. Could you possibly be more specific with your search and date single fathers instead of men without children? The men you have talked to in the past sound very immature just by the comments you provided. 

[Chiby]

Oh I have tried with dating men with children to. Some of them have only been playing around. Not wanted a relationship because they just got freedom from a marriage etc. Those who have been in search of a relationship have gone on a few dates and then come to the conclusion that they want someone that don't have kids. Henze the " I don't.want.to take care of someone else's kids"

 

I try to date them around my own.age. I have reasons why I can't date older men so they are out.of the question.

[Frost Evergarden]

this sort of thing I don't get. what kind of monster hates kinds and don't want them(in this context only). But that all that family and kinds thing is what I have wanted from life since i was young so it is hard to understand the hate

[Nymph]

Most of the comments you will get here will be politically correct people who are baffled by such attitude because they don't know what is like to be surrounded by such closed minded people. I am a latina and that attitude is very common where I am from, I have seen gorgeous wonderful women give up hope on love because they have the idea love is something that happens naturally and never give anyone outside their circle a chance. (my Daddy is american and we met online in case you are wondering)

 

Be thankful that those men are not shy to tell you that they can't see how amazing you are, they obviously would not cherish you. Save all your sweet adoration for the right man that deserves the daddy title. I think it's good to include in your profile that you have children to weed out the ones that are not interested faster.

 

I don't know how old you are so no clue or what age bracket you are dating, but assuming you are in your mid 30's where most men you will meet are divorced or eternal bachelors... I would urge you to give other ages a chance, if older are our of the question, then younger. The thing is, it will be easier to match with someone who has either never been married and looking forward to settling down or someone who already been divorced for a while and past their middle life crisis. Location is not such a big deal, if a man wants to jump on a plane to meet you and you like him then let him, so do not limit yourself by location either.

[baby_k]

Not in same situation as I look almost the opposite: guy who definately wants nothing to do with kids for I want childfree life. But I think in the end issue is same: one looks something specific while you also need to click with the other person on alllll the other aspects. It's not easy.

 

I think best thing is to tell about the kids up front. I honestly could say some nasty words to dude who has hidden that they have kids ( but then again I also make it pretty clear that kids are totally nono for me, and I find it insulting that someone with kids still tries to force me into that sort of life style I really don't want ), especially as it seems like they are ashamed of their kids.

 

As you say, dudes who have divorced just are maybe not that potential. Better would be those men who have kids and who have been separated long and are no longer living hte new exciting single life where commitment is the last thing one wants ( no matter what the people claim, often they even self sabotage th rels as they are not yet ready to commit ).

 

But there also are men without kids who are fine with the woman having the kids. Often those are either really childloving men or men who are...well, honestly speaking slightly desparate even. Even the desparation sounds horrible, I think they may be good candidates if you can just see through the desparation. I have few of those men as friends and they would be absolutely amazing partners but they have pretty much zero luck with women as the sense of desparation is often quite off putting.

 

What I see around me is that single women with kids are wanted too. But it seems often that their market is more in real life where men fall for their personalities and so on, and not to the spec sheet where the women do not look so great with the excisting kids. As let's face it: having kids and relationship with someone who is not their ( biological ) parent is not easy, and there is tons on compromises etc that needs to be made.

 

Anyhow, it just needs time that you come across with someone that will fit you Of course you can consider if you can make your dating pool bigger as that increases the changes to find someone. Or if you are skipping some men automatically, even they might be what you actually need.

 

What you said bouthte milf thing: I think that happens for most. Online dating with Tinder etc has made massive market of..well, free sex. If someone is not up to your standards, makes smallest random mistake, people move on as there is always the next swipe. People don't focus on each other so much anymore. It's easy to just move and not process what went wrong and what I really want in life, as the new person is already at your door step when you have sent the "this doesn't work between us" message. And one can just stay in the loop of meaningless sex. Sooo, it's not about you and that you specifically are only good for bed. It is way more bigger phenomena. If you want to maybe feel better and some ways worse, see Netflix series "Hot girls wanted: turned on", there is one episode following this dude and his online dating ( episode 2? ). Was both horrifying to see but also makes it maybe easier to get adjusted on all ghosting and how things are easily short lived, and how it is not about you.

[Chiby]

What you all are saying makes sense. And usually I don't sort men out automatically. There is few things I sort out. Over 45 ( because of trauma) drug or alcohol addicts and criminals.

 

And I do agree that desperation can be off-putting. But I have not had much of that to be honest because I can look past that.

Location have never been an issue on.my part. Ldr is nothing new to me and not a thing I see as an obstacle.

 

I belive I have on my profile that I have kids. And I always say it. Only happened a few times that I have forgotten to tell it but then it comes up by me talking about my kids.

 

Even here where I thought the emotional dynamic was more important then sex. Sex is a big thing.