VOID

[NoLongerActive42]

N/A

Edited November 23, 2021 by ☆*: .｡. Princess C .｡.:*☆

[Guest mariposa]

I've been ghosted before and have ghosted others in the past. Mostly because either life gets hectic or they just do something that immediately makes me wana go. I think that yeah ghosting sucks cause obviously you're getting to know a person and you form a bond with them just for them to leave you and not tell you why. But I also think that you don't really own anyone anything because we all have our own problems and life to deal with. Of course I think it's much better to say goodbye and mention why rather than just outright leave. Dunno sometimes things happen and we ghost people without really realizing it. Other times it's on purpose, but it really all depends on the situation and the person. 

[SmolAetherr]

i think ghosting is rather cowardly/crappy to do to another person who may have been really interested in you

 

plenty of times and i feel i may be one of very many people who have

 

i dont agree that anyone has the right to be horrible to another person, if you mean do i think people shouldnt be able to ghost, then the answer would be no there are times when ghosting may be a safe/sensible path but that rarely is ever the case from my experiance

 

ghosting is pretty horrible and while i dont feel entitled to any kind of closure, i will certainly think considerably less of a person who ghosts rather than a person who is honest and makes the effort

if i put in the effort i expect effort back.

[Vampiress]

I have been ghosted, but have not ghosted anyone. I disagree with ghosting except under extreme circumstances, like if someone is being horribly abusive and awful then by all means. They didn't treat you with decency then you don't owe them an explanation. They should be able to self-reflect and figure it out themselves. Otherwise, it's an awful thing to do to someone, especially when feelings are involved or if you were friends. When someone is just waiting for you and you leave them without a word. You could simply just tell them I'm going to go for X reason or not even give a reason but let them know instead of causing pain and insecurity as they deal with the feelings of being abandoned with zero closure or notice. It's not too hard to be a decent human being, but people treat it like an inconvenience.

[baby_k]

What are your views on ghosting? 

 

Have you ever been ghosted before? 

 

Do you believe it's a persons right to ghost another person? 

 

This is an open discussion and I'd love to hear everyone's opinions and thoughts. 

Ghosting when happening in ( longer ) rel is really sh*tty and cowardly. Ghosting some new random encounter is normal then again ( like who hasn't done that on some dating app? I probably have done that hundreds of times as I value my own time more than responding to someone I find uninteresting/boring/rude ).

 

I have been ghosted also. Most annoying was person saying he takes shower and then we continue the convo. He never came back, and I worried if something had happened to him as we had also talked of ghosting and he was deeply against it. Well, luckily he also shut down his accounts elsewhere bit later, so I didn't have to worry if he had got like seisure and was in hospital but that it was just ghosting.

 

People have right to ghost, they owe others nothing. Even good manners would be great, and having some consideration over others. So, in most cases ghosting tells just about that person, exception being situations that are dangerous etc.

 

I think one should try to have the decency to at least notify the other, and maybe even explain. Even just sending that sort of message and not allowing the other respond is not really nice ether.

 

If there is relationship with no safety issue, responsability of both parties should be to get clousure for both as it is the least one can do. Would be the healthy and respectable thing to do for both.

[Kitten&Spice]

I don’t believe it is right to ever really ghost a person. I think it just shows how immature and rude some people are. It in a way is selfish for a person to disregard the feelings of the other individual. I had a few people ghost me in the past and I worried the whole time thinking maybe something happened to them or they were hurt. But I came to realize some people don’t want to just say “hey I don’t think that things will work out between us.” I think it is ridiculous that when you are only people tend to treat you as more of a free trial then a person. But that is just my take on things!

[pawsies]

My view is that it entirely depends on the situation. I do very much believe that you don't owe anyone anything. And to be honest, that's the beauty of the internet; you're not obligated to talk to anyone or continue a conversation you don't want to be having.

 

In an instance where you've been in a long distance relationship/friendship and everything is going fine, for a long time, and the other person just cuts off all contact with you without an explanation then obviously that's a very shitty thing – super unfortunate and plain rude as hell. That's what I would call ghosting. Yes it can be damaging for some people, maybe they question themselves or worry a lot or something, but nobody is owed anything from anyone. Common curtesy and decency would be nice and appreciated, but at the end of the day, people can do what they want and unfortunately some people don't care about other peoples' feelings.

 

Something I wanna say is if you've only just started a conversation with somebody and you don't reply because you're not interested and you don't even know the person, I don't think that's an issue. I don't even think that counts as ghosting but that is what I've known some people to call it. Someone else said it already but you don't owe people your time. Especially if you're not committed to them, whether that be in a romantic or platonic sense.

 

To answer the question "do you believe it's a persons right to ghost another person?", I don't think it's that simple. Of course you have a right to not interact with people you don't want to interact with. But at the same time our actions have consequences and morally we should think about how others feel as well. I don't know.

Edited July 19, 2020 by pawsies

[RavenclawPrincess]

I'm going to argue that cutting off contact with someone immediately and without explanation in a situation where safety needs to be put first is totally legit, and doesn't fall under ghosting. If someone is being abusive or predatory they absolutely aren't owed anything and I personally don't consider that to be ghosting. Safety first always and if you're in a situation where that has to take priority, don't feel like you've done anything wrong by taking immediate steps to protect yourself because that isn't wrong at all.

 

Otherwise, I agree that ghosting is very cowardly and wrong. It's not that big of a deal to say "hey, I don't want to do this anymore" or "hey, I'm really not interested anymore". It's really not that hard to take a few minutes to tell someone that you want to part ways and explain why as a courtesy under normal circumstances. There's no point in hurting the other person by ghosting if they haven't done anything legitimately dangerous/abusive, and by communicating what the problem is you're standing up for yourself and what you want. You might even be pointing out an issue that they could use some constructive criticism/feedback on so they don't make the same mistake with the next person. 

[Amber_dragon]

I think we live in a world where communication skills have declined, people are scared of basic conflict, and also used to instant gratification... like, I've decided I want out... the respectful exit takes energy, but ghosting doesn't. (Though it takes energy from the other person.)  I have been ghosted a few times and it sucks. While someone above said you owe other's nothing... I don't agree. I think if the communication is abusive/unhealthy and that is the only way to leave, then sure. But I think when you spend time getting to know someone, and choose to exit, I do think you owe them a short message saying you're stopping the dialogue. It's respectful, kind and allows both parties to be mature. Obviously not all connections turn into something. Have I done it? ... Well, I don't know where the line is. If it's someone I've talked to a lot... no. If it's a get to know you chat.. and they say something totally offputting... racist etc.. I will stop replying. If I am driving the conversation and they are not sharing the weight, I have stopped replying. But if they asked or followed up, I would reply and explain. *shrug*  Overall though... unless it's a dangerous situation... I disagree with it and find it hurtful and disrespectful.  

 

I've noticed a few break up posts on here... I think when you enter into an involved dynamic, there is responsibility to ease out (if it's not abusive)... so as to not leave the other person who gave up power... totally floundering. Like a soft release.  Again, requires maturity. But I think it's important. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by Pegasus08

[Guest Dandy Blob]

Instant gratification seems to be a huge thing. If someone is not getting what they want out of an interaction exactly when they want it, they oftentimes ditch (had this happen A LOT on dating apps a few years ago). "Sorry I'm not free tonight but maybe we can do something on Saturday?" suddenly...no more responses. I used to feel very upset by it, especially if we had been talking a few days prior and I felt we had formed a connection, but realized if that's how quick their attention moved on & they couldn't be bothered to try to make other plans it was probably for the best anyhow (and that they likely just wanted one thing that I wouldn't have done on the first date anyhow *shrug*).

 

Interpersonal skills is huge too. Learning how to communicate effectively is key in any relationship, no matter how short it might be. And so many people don't understand or know how to enforce proper boundaries...and some don't know how to respect them either. Some people have trouble saying no...there are a lot of things that could be the issue here. It doesn't help that a lot of people also seem to have a huge issue with rejection. I get it, rejection hurts & sucks...but the way some people handle it is terrifying (from someone who turned down a very sweet & kind co-worker...who then tried to stalk me & break into my apartment a few days after I said I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the time). I know I am not the first or only person who has been terrified that even a polite rejection can go sideways VERY quickly.

 

I do agree there are some moments when 'ghosting' is acceptable, but I guess I wouldn't really consider it ghosting at that point. I'd consider it saving yourself from a potentially harmful situation (self preservation). A few examples I can think of are when someone is very clearly displaying red flag behaviour: abusive language/tone/actions, gas lighting & manipulation, not respecting boundaries, etc. If someone can't be a decent human being or I am worried for my safety (or others) I am making the choice to not interact with this person any further for safety, not to be a jerk. And often those people are the ones that wouldn't see their behaviour as bad or harmful because they are literally just not aware or don't even care about others. They care about what they want and their only focus is how to get it, often times with very little care about any other involved parties.

 

I do think if you feel it is safe to do so, you should let the other party know that you are no longer invested in the dialogue (politely!), as Pegasus said above. It's uncomfortable as hell for sure, but it's just common courtesy in my opinion. If I am interacting with someone & they display red flags that feel unsettling & cause me reason to fear for my safety (whether it's online or in person) I have absolutely zero issues ending the relationship without explaining myself. 

[princessfreckles]

What are your views on ghosting? 

When you don't know some one, don't have a rapport, and haven't met them in person I guess I expect it with most people I meet online. What can I say, in that way I'm a pessimist. However if it's some one you know and have invested your time in? That's a terrible thing to do and shows what type of person who does the ghosting is (hint, it's not anything good). 

 

Have you ever been ghosted before? 

Yes, I have been ghosted. Actually by my first Daddy Dom and it was heartbreaking. He lived a day long drive away from me. He'd come to visit me and we had a great weekend. Soon after he got back to his home, he told me he had a change in work schedule and our time to chat (we had each other's phone numbers, added each other to social media, etc) wouldn't be as frequent. I was okay with it because it was temporary. One night, I said good night, talk to you tomorrow. I haven't heard from him or seen him since. That was three years ago. To me he didn't just ghost me, he abandoned me. It took me a very long time to recover from it because the whole time, I wondered what I did wrong to make him want to abandon me. Thanks to some encouragement from close little and Caregiver pals, I realized that I did nothing wrong. It was him. He was the one who messed up when he ghosted/abandoned me. 

 

Do you believe it's a persons right to ghost another person? 

Online, no one owes anyone anything. I may think some cool person I've chatted with for a month who suddenly disappears is a jerk, but then again I don't know them in person. I'm not owed anything because in the grand scheme of things I don't really know that person at all despite the desire to get to know them. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck or hurt any less though. I've ghosted some men because they 1) violated my stated boundaries multiple times 2) Came on entirely too strong 3) I got a terrible gut feeling about them or 4) I felt unsafe talking to them.