anxiety & littlespace. advice really, really needed.

[woahidella]

hi. i'm idella!

 

i'm not sure if i am in the correct spot to post this but i guess it's worth a shot. i have been in a year+ ldr w/ my boyfriend, a switch (leaning submissive.) i, too, am a switch (leaning dominant) and i am super-duper happy in my relationship. i fight anxiety extremely bad, so i am constantly plagued with thoughts that i am simply not good enough. 

 

i hold the dominant role the vast majority of the time, however sometimes- when i do get into subspace- i have the tendency to force it down. i suppress my little side until i solely want to top in fear of being seen as disgusting. 

 

my submissive has never once expressed a hatred for my subspace, although i cannot get it out of my head that i just,,, don't deserve it. has anyone else fought w this? and does anybody have a solution? i miss slipping and the feeling of being so, so untouchable. 

[venusmoon]

hiii idella!

 

i just really wanted to send you a message to kinda help you feel better and maybe give you some tips (bc i am not a switch and i can't really speak from experience, but i will try my best!!)  i definitely think asking your partner and sitting down with the boundaries and expectations will help relieve some stress you may be feeling, compromise and ask if you two could switch roles sometimes! im definitely someone with constant anxiety and i know the one thing that can really help me specifically is an affirmation and my dom reassuring me about things

 

you might have this feeling of uncertainty that is also giving you anxiety and so a convo + affirmation from your partner would definitely help (at least for me, i need a lot of words of affirmation). i also just wanna say it's understandable to suppress your subspace given your situation though it probably isn't doing well for your internal feelings and stuffs, so talking this out and letting it be known by your partner may surely help. the feeling of slipping and being in your space is definitely irreplaceable, so you need to give yourself what you need or else it will feel like withdrawals, which is not a happy thing as you probably know :c

 

in short, helping to fight this anxiety can help with a convo outlining some boundaries and compromises, constant words of affirmation, and little steps to help you feel better about your submissive side (like slipping for 30 min then build from there). it's surely a mindset thing that you need to beat, and once you do you are free to be yourself!! (though i know that's easier said than done sadly)

 

again, i can't speak from a similar experience or any wisdom, but i do hope this helps! i wish you the best and i know you got this!!     

[woahidella]

hiii idella!

 

i just really wanted to send you a message to kinda help you feel better and maybe give you some tips (bc i am not a switch and i can't really speak from experience, but i will try my best!!)  i definitely think asking your partner and sitting down with the boundaries and expectations will help relieve some stress you may be feeling, compromise and ask if you two could switch roles sometimes! im definitely someone with constant anxiety and i know the one thing that can really help me specifically is an affirmation and my dom reassuring me about things

 

you might have this feeling of uncertainty that is also giving you anxiety and so a convo + affirmation from your partner would definitely help (at least for me, i need a lot of words of affirmation). i also just wanna say it's understandable to suppress your subspace given your situation though it probably isn't doing well for your internal feelings and stuffs, so talking this out and letting it be known by your partner may surely help. the feeling of slipping and being in your space is definitely irreplaceable, so you need to give yourself what you need or else it will feel like withdrawals, which is not a happy thing as you probably know :c

 

in short, helping to fight this anxiety can help with a convo outlining some boundaries and compromises, constant words of affirmation, and little steps to help you feel better about your submissive side (like slipping for 30 min then build from there). it's surely a mindset thing that you need to beat, and once you do you are free to be yourself!! (though i know that's easier said than done sadly)

 

again, i can't speak from a similar experience or any wisdom, but i do hope this helps! i wish you the best and i know you got this!!     

 

oh, my goodness!! thank you SO very much for the response, it has genuinely already lifted my spirits. you're such a kind soul  . 

 

i will definitely work on talking to my partner about this issue. i'm sure i've already made it clear, but it really is astronomically difficult to get out a problem you don't think is worth the time. that's my own fault for allowing those kind of thoughts to continue. so, i promise i am going to try my hardest to talk to him!! like you said, little steps to help build me up is where to start. 

 

communication is key in a relationship. thank you bunches, venus!! (i believe that is your name haha)

[venusmoon]

oh, my goodness!! thank you SO very much for the response, it has genuinely already lifted my spirits. you're such a kind soul  . 

 

i will definitely work on talking to my partner about this issue. i'm sure i've already made it clear, but it really is astronomically difficult to get out a problem you don't think is worth the time. that's my own fault for allowing those kind of thoughts to continue. so, i promise i am going to try my hardest to talk to him!! like you said, little steps to help build me up is where to start. 

 

communication is key in a relationship. thank you bunches, venus!! (i believe that is your name haha)

 

awww thank you for this message, this likewise made my day!! I'm so glad to lift your spirits!!

 

yes, I agree it is quite hard to talk about problems (especially when you think it isn't worth your time), but don't blame yourself for it!! those thoughts are natural and you are not alone, things definitely take little steps c: you are amazing and you got this, I'm cheering for you!!

 

and you're welcome, idella! (hehe yes venus is my name c:) I hope I've been helpful!! have a great day!!